I fell asleep on the bus home the other day and missed my stop, when I woke up it really struck me that I am not the body. The body was inactive on the bus, while my knowing was only of itself during sleep, but as soon as my knowingness of the body returned I found it in another location from where I expected! Needlessly to say I walked home.
The 'I' thought is still there, but as my attention is placed more and more on beingness it is more clear that I am not Ryan, nor a body, or the World, but I am entirely beyond all. This is a very freeing feeling, even at my early stage of understanding. I do not worry much anymore about what will happen, but rather sit back and watch as life takes it's course.
Sittings are becoming more easy. I notice longer periods where I do not know where I am or who I am. There are some thoughts, and the mind does get restless after some time, but nothing like it used to.
I know many Sages, and Jnani's have disliked the world, but for me, at this stage, it seems a beautiful lie. I think this may be because of my age and situation, but who am I to complain?! Beingness is beautiful, and knowledge of that beingness is such a special gift that I dare not betray it with words. Thank you for your continuing help, Sir, and as always I will continue you to update you as it all unfolds.
Love,
R.
What I could relate to here at one time was the very opposite of this.....that I would get so "ballistic" over getting lost when driving my car to get somewhere. This was the experience of "I" being lost and the "not knowing" was particularly disorienting and maddening!
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