29 March 2015

Conversation with E.

Well I finished your book. Really eye-opening in multiple ways.

I also now know more that there is a significant limit to receiving help through the internet versus being in person.

Anyway, I guess the question I had is related to using love to find the self. I try to look for the I-feeling, but that just seems to reflect wherever my conscious is located, though I sometimes try to anchor it at the heart area.

This seems to be cheating the method though, since I figured it would be more naturally occurring.

So my question is should I be focused on feeling love in the heart center, and from there just letting it expand, or am I misinterpreting something? Also, if you have music you recommend while sitting to help the heart center along, I would appreciate a few recommendations.

It also seemed in the book that a lot of people gave a brief description of where they were in life so I guess I'll let you know too. I'm currently 21, a junior in college, single, panicking about leaving college and standing on my own (finance major), former stoner (as in two months ago), and would describe myself as quite sensitive (though not even my best friends would say that since I hide it, and tend to respond to insults that hurt me through sarcasm and faking that I'm fine). Also I really have wanted a good cry, but I have not had one in 4-5 years and struggle to show my full range of emotions (especially disagreement and sadness, though I can disagree with close friends or family. The sadness I mostly bottle up and "handle" on my own).

If you manage to read all this well then that's much appreciated, and feel free to respond if you get the chance.



Dear E.

It is more a matter of “feeling” within for the I-sense, the I-exist sense, the I Am alive sense.

A good place to start is by feeling in the heart area for the I-sensation.  Sometimes it is first felt like an electric spark there or some energy movement.  Just keep feeling within.  Be open to what you feel there.

Also, scan you body from toes to head once a day taking about 15 minutes to do it.  Get acquainted with how body feels from within.

Listen to sacred music as often as possible and by that I mean some on those listed in the chat room at http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com.  The password to be used 2 different times is   edjI   .  The chants are below the video area. 

The sadness you bottle up must be allowed to be felt fully.  This is a key to self-realization, for the saadness takes you much deeper into the self.  Also read my blog daily for practice tips and feedback from other students on their experiences and practices at http://itisnotreal.blogspot.com.

The fear you feel is also something worthwhile to deeply investigate. 

Look at my other recent posts on my blog about fining, exploring, and integrating emotions.



Hello Edji,

How does one discover who one is, or if there is more to oneself and what that is? How does one really “look within” or self-inquire without using the mind? I need to locate the feeling of I AM, I understand, but how is one to go about it? Do we repeat the two words till we can detect a feeling? I was trying but that seems to require thinking about the meaning of I AM, which then is a concept. Is there a way to bring up the feeling when one sits to meditate?

How does one move through the day so as to aid self discovery, as one goes about their usual activities?

Edji, as one progressively gets to know more about oneself, what changes? Do things that the average person cares about in the world stop mattering- “nothing matters”? I have been reading Nisargadatta and he seems to have reached a place where he was not afraid of or worried about anything- he did not suffer, and that also seems to be the aim of life in the Hindu tradition which, among others, the jnanis have attained. Does knowing oneself culminate in something like that? When one has just begun their journey, what changes for a person as they move along the path?



Look, I am just like you, but I have realized who I really am at all levels, from human, to God, and beyond to the absolute.

It makes no sense to continue to ask me about what and how I experience, or a Jnani experiences.

This is all about YOU and your experience. If you learn too much about what I experienced, it will influence too much what you will experience.  I have tons of stuff in my book, Self Realization and Other Awakenings about my experiences, but I always tell people to explore their own experiences.

Turn your attention within and feel who you are.  Get to know your body from the inside. Seek to know emotions from your own heart.

You are now following a path of understanding everything; instead look and feel within and FEEL everything.

In this way you will get to "own" all of you by bringing everything within your self, which becomes the Self.

Further Conversations with Students


It has been almost 3 years I know you. I have been following you through your website, blog, and facebook.

I have had glimpses of the I am when I first read your words. I was in bliss, ecstasy for weeks to go then. Then I left your advice and came back to the Witnessing that I had been practicing for a long time before I met you.

So, practically I am convincing myself that there is nothing that I have to go through you for spiritual advice. I thought that it is enough to witness the phenomena happening around and one day I will be illuminating with light, love and truth. But, edji it is not happening. I am feeling lifeless, empty and without any feeling. I am not in depression but I am not enjoying my life. I have no friends and really I am not interested on the people anymore. I am in a deep angst of rejection and cynicism. 

There is not a single hour for me without turning my mind inward and there I see only emptiness; no life is there throbbing. Why is this happening Edji? What do I have to do? 

I have read everything you have posted but a deep notion that they are not directed towards me always created problem to understand. So, would you please show me some light on how to move from this point? 

I really understand now that I do not know anything about anything in this world. All those witty words of kundalini, philosophy and wisdom-words have left their charm on me. They do not have any meaning to me anymore. I just want some words from you to move on. I need a living guidance now.


The antidote is love.  This is the entirety of my teachings.  In fact, my teachings are directly aimed at people like you who have become caught in the dryness of the witness state.

You must understand that standing in the witness has isolated you from your emotions and the vulnerability of your humanity.  This is why I use terms like Devotional Advaita, and loving introspection of all that arises in you.

But because you have receded to the witness state, nothing really arises because nothing can get into your heart, nothing can touch you deeply when you stay as witness.  Therefore, you do not FEEL the Life Force, you witness its manifestations.

If you have followed my website and blog you must realize that I dwelt in the state you describe ever since my original awakenings under Robert Adams, but in 2010 I had my third awakening to Realization of my Manifest Self, Shakti, and the Subtle Body, and my emotional-human nature after I fell in love.  That love came to me out of nowhere, I had not sought it, so I cannot prescribe it as a way back.  If it happens, it happens.

At this point the only thing you can do is open your heart and begin to experience your emotional life once again.  Emotions will give you energy, compassion, and LIFE! You need to reincarnate into your flesh.  That is why I use the phrase Incarnational Spirituality.


Instead of looking within into the emptiness, FEEL within, trying to feel the I Am sensation.  Start in your heart area and feel for that spark of life that ultimately leads to realization of the Self.

Frequently "scan" your body from toes, to knees, to pelvis, to gut, heart area, throatand head.  Do this slowly.  Feel the sensations in each area.  At first it will be a tingling, like electricity, which gradually, as you practice over a few weeks, grows in intensity and power.

When a feeling arises--any kind of feeling--instead of witnessing it, join it!  Allow it to expand by feeling it.  Coax into come into your heart, and later into the core of your being, your heart of hearts.  You have to get your center of Conscious to move downwards, into your heart area out of your head.

Play with these emotions, especially the negative ones, as you have lost contact with them by being a witness of them.  Let the scarey emotions be there, andlet them close in on your heart.  Invite them to come into you and if they appear too scarey to allow this, instead feel into the fear.

Get a book called Focusing by Eugene Gendlin.  This brief book explains in more detail how to get into your feelings and make them yours.  You have disidentified with your emotional being, and you need to get it back so that you can also experience your Subtle Body energies and bliss.

Very importantly, listen to sacred music, especially Hindu chants, Kittans and Bhajans.  They will help awaken your heart.  

Thus preparing the way, it is likely that someone will come intoyour life that will aid the process of awakening to the Manifest Self, the divine spark of sentience within the hearts of all sentient beings.

And, read my book, Self-Realization and Other Awakenings, found for free download at http://wearesentience.com.

This is enough for now.  It will be a long trip for you, but being in the witness for so long, means that when you do realize your Manifest Self, it will have enormous power from years of practice and remaining in the witness.

28 March 2015

Another Conversation with Steve



 I have always picked up with you a deep almost hidden anger that comes out in unexpected ways, usually against other people/guru's.  It came out in Facebook, on the blog and against various people.

I know as I have an anger buried deep also and I recognize with you....and others. 

The anger doesn't bother me at all but sometimes I wonder if this wasn't the reason so many devotees left....that is their weakness.

You are very blunt and straight forward and totally honest with your feelings.  I think other Guru's are frauds..you are the only TRUE teacher around and most of the fucking crowd can't handle that.  I say let them drop by the wayside. You are not going to sacrifice your morals to have a huge crowd adoring you.....your not like any of the others.

Your expectations are very high with every right to be but sometimes answers don't exist so don't put your expectations on the people of the world and disappointment won't arise.

If people can't accept you as Edji then screw them and find another avenue where you can be satisfied.



Anger is my friend, it gives me more energy.  Love is my friend, it makes me more mellow. Death and loss are my friends, it makes me go deeper into Self  in sorrow and awareness of how much I love life in myself and in others.

The same holds true for all other emotions and sates:  They give me life, energy, sensitivity, empathy, grace, compassion.  They are the gates to Self.

Conversations with Matti


I see it! I finally see the Background Thing! 

The emotions and even the world are just movements on the surface and it is the Background Thing that is beneath! How amazing it is! How wonderful!

While observing my returned anxiety I realized that I could feel behind that emotion the same basic background stuff I have been sensing recently around simple body sensations.

Until now, emotions have been in a way the most basic thing in my consciousness. Now I have this new thing being behind them without being entirely beyond consciousness. I could almost say it changes everything.

Oh, how it shines! How it so shines!



Lots of new stuff arises, even after full realization, because then the mind is mostly absent, or is ignored by Self, and with empty mind (or ignored mind) whatever arises is completely new and entirely energetic.  So, I cannot tell from your description whether you are becoming aware of the Void, or the energetic Subtle Body.  Both underlie thinking and emotions.


There is no fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness or even madness at the moment! All pain and negativity is gone! There is just joy and happiness!

This is amazing!




Conversation with Shankarananda


You were right about Advaita, Swamiji.  Only a half-way awakening.

When you meet the Self inside--God, that is  true spirituality.  Surrender, grace, bliss, worship, energies are yours then as well as the sure knowledge of who and what you are.

If you can convey even 5% in words you are doing well.  You transmit it by your being, energy, and bearing, and by your intent to transmit it.

If it takes torture, you torture.  Love, you create is and it transmutes.  If sex helps, use it.

I found it was intense love.

Still your friend,


From Shankarananda:


I'm deeply appreciating your recent communications...

Yes, exactly. That neo-advaita tends to be a head trip, leaving out all the good stuff you mentioned.

I can't put it in writing these days, but I see that you and I will discuss the role of tantra in spirituality at some point with great joy and some Starbucks coffee.

It's great to have my dear LA friend back. Thanks for your support. The Self can't help but always be optimistic.



From Me:

Swamiji, I was never neo-Advaita.  I was Nisargadatta Advaita.  And that poor prick--smart and sensistive as he was--killed his humanity and divorced himself from Consciousness in order to abide in the Witness, which he called Self.  He left the real Self, the Manifest Self behind as he got old and was dying.

From Steve--Conversations

Sri Edji,  

Last night I just Let the (chanting) music  play and flow into my Heart Center. It became so strong that the overflow went into my lower gut and head center.   Tingling, so pleasurable, so changing and vibrating.

It felt like the music was actually originating from my head.  I became the source of the melody.

The Heart Center became stronger and I could feel you and your Heart Center joining with mine.   Realizing that Edji wasn't there but the Self, and that Self  was pumping  'energy' right into me, waves and particles.   I felt that you and I were the same being, the same existence.    

It is like being in Heaven, just colors, lights, feelings and emotions just flowing...I became all that and the personality disappeared.  

It gets deeper and deeper, the swirling lights are pulling me into the Center of  something wonderful.  I can feel it just pulling on the center of my head like I am going to fall.

And the deeper part,,,the body isn't me at all, if it wasn't for Grace the body would be inert and lifeless.  If anything I AM that undefined, flowing, loving, creating Grace

It just kept pulsating like this for hours as I listened to my stimulating music.  Coming in stronger then getting lighter then stronger then lighter....just back and forth like a pendulum. 




How does one discover who one is, or if there is more to oneself and what that is? How does one really “look within” or self-inquire without using the mind? I need to locate the feeling of I AM, I understand, but how is one to go about it? Do we repeat the two words till we can detect a feeling? I was trying but that seems to require thinking about the meaning of I AM, which then is a concept. Is there a way to bring up the feeling when one sits to meditate?

How does one move through the day so as to aid self discovery, as one 
goes about their usual activities?

Edji, as one progressively gets to know more about oneself, what changes? Do things that the average person cares about in the world stop mattering- “nothing matters”? I have been reading Nisargadatta and he seems to have reached a place where he was not afraid of or worried about anything- he did not suffer, and that also seems to be the aim of life in the Hindu tradition which, among others, the jnanis have attained. Does knowing oneself culminate in something like that? When one has just begun their journey, what changes for a person as they move along the path?


It is a long, hard path to Self-Realization, but as opposed to realization of the Absolute that Nisargadatta teaches, I teach realization of the Manifest Self, the aliveness within, the Life Force--joy--life---love--self-knowledge.  Then you stand strong like a mountain with the life force burning within, exploding with intensity, love. Over time the intense impulses decrease and smooth out with a residual underlying joy and knowledge of who you are and that all is well.

Read my book at http://wearesentience.com free download.



Sometimes Ed, I just don’t know what to make of life. I just find everything to be pointless. Going to work seems like a prison sentence. Sometimes, I just wonder, what is the point of being a human being? I close my and I try to look for the “I AM”. It is not completely black because I have practiced intensive meditation in the past. I feel that if I could just find the “I AM”, life will have more meaning. Right now, the constant feeling of the pointlessness of life haunts me. I listen to your Satsangs to try and feel my way through this feeling. Sometimes it helps because your voice is really soothing. Some days, I simply want to walk out of my job and go home.

Is the any advice that you can give me that will help me to deal with this period?


I walked out of my job at the university and just disappeared into myself.

Years before that I walked out of a high paying government job and went into the desert.

But, realize that whatever situation you walk away from, the feelings and experiences that caused you to walk away--you take them with you!  So until you can deal with the underlying feelings, it helps little to walk away.

I suggest a long vacation or making up a reason to get a longer leave of absence from your employer, and use that time for intensive self-work, of self-inquiry, loving your subjective self, and listening to sacred music.

On the other hand, sometimes you can feel like the world is rejecting you and forcing you out. It is as if destiny, Shakti, Karma, whatever you want to call it, is directing you to get out of the rat race and get totally into your self.


I was looking at these two images you had previously posted to facebook and trying to understand what Absolute, absolute Witness and Manifest Self refer to. I have read some of your posts about how your previous awakening experiences were and how it was when you experienced something more. So I picked the part of your book that talks about your experience with somebody called Rene and read that first. I'll go back and read from the start.

Can the path of love and energy that you teach for realising the Manifest Self be followed upto the point where one realizes the Absolute?


It is a natural progression beginning from realization of the Manifest Self for many, such as for Nisargadatta.

Others, such as Ramakrishna enjoy the joy and Manifest Self experience so much they decide to reject the Absolute, as did I,and stay in the joy of being/life.

26 March 2015

I was awake and roiling inside all night, so today has jittery unhinged feeling. I'm very aware of my subtle body, energy low but swirling. Can't rest.
More cycles of sadness and some thinking about the past. I go to the zen center on Sat. Two friends are receiving Inka as new teachers. I've known them both since the first day they visited the Zen center. Sometimes I was the only person in the building on Saturdays, so I greeted a lot of visitors over the years. These two guys both seemed at home immediately.
I still think Seun Sahn’s school setup is effective for the first 3 or 4 years, then people leave.
I feel kind of melancholy, too. I was a very good teacher during and after graduate school, had all kinds of jobs ....felt like I could teach anything ...just loved that exchange. But I couldn't maintain it well enough over the years and gave it up.
So all the sad feelings are also arising, as I see these guys both kind of fly through life happy and healthy. I don't have great control over how I feel lately ... My stuffing feelings down abilities are no-existent. I'm afraid of being overwhelmed in the crowd on Sat. I'll just have to keep focused on other people, forget my self concerns.
I just feel so volatile inside, like I have a solar flare in my belly.

Being both sad and irritated like an inflammation inside is exhausting and leaves me lonely.
I like your last posts on the blog. Your writing is so clear and pointed.


I'll tell you a secret: I am always burning, like a simmering volcano. But the fires are not hot; it is the intensity of my own pure being without thought and which dissolves all emotions in pure welcoming and joy!
Light, energy, love, the fires of the Life Force--all seething, boiling. Oh how wonderful to be so alive!!
All the negativity and thought is being burned out of you. You have already seen the light at the end of the tunnel and have faith in your path.
You are doing well, but you cannot see it yet.

PS:  Don’t be envious of the two, they will be teaching beginning students who will stay three years.  This is called Kindergarten. You have entered the graduate school of spirituality.

25 March 2015

These comes a time for most on a spiritual path where they have to let go of everything they have read by teachers, whether Ramakrishna, Nisargadatta, Ram Das, Sasaki Roshi, or the various Gita’s and admit to themselves that all of these teachings are at some point, contradictory to the other teachings.  There are no general truths that all traditions agree on, or at not modified even within the same tradition over time.

Any teaching has to be expressed in words, and all of those words are concepts—maps about spiritual experience, not the experience itself.

Up to this point all that you have are other peoples’ teachings or concepts that are part of a larger network of thoughts and generally accepted concepts about what spirituality is about, or enlightenment and self-realization are about, explained usually not in terms of actual experiences, but in terms of other concepts. That is, enlightenment is explained in terms of different kinds of Samadhis, or progressives states of poorly defined stages of emptiness. 

But when you recognize you have only learned and repeated the concepts of others, you are ready to walk your own path with no guarantees of a successful conclusion.
But I’ll give you a hint: your mind can never find the truth, can never find who you are.  It can only talk about what you are, provide a map of You.  But as Alfred Korzybski famously stated, “The map is not the terrain.”  The map is about the terrain, but you cannot walk on the map to get from point A to point B.

So to get to awakening from where you are now, you have to stop reading maps about the terrain of enlightened or non-enlightened mind, point B and point A, and instead look for point A in yourself, because unless you know where you are, you certainly cannot get to point B, supposedly where you are not.  Anything said about point B is just other peoples’ opinions, and is not your experience.

The weird thing is, that staying at point A, abiding there, accepting the experience of point A will eventually get you to point B, which is the experience of the completed and whole Self.  Successfully doing this requires throwing away all maps, all spiritual concepts from Tolle, to Ramana, to Robert Adams, Ram Das, Osho, and Krishnamurti.  I don’t care what they said or which of their quotes are trotted out.  They are speaking about their experience and their maps, not your experience and your maps.

A truly exceptional teacher will try to get you to look within for who you are, that spark of “I exist,” “I am alive,” and to follow that backwards to a pre-verbal experience of existence, existence without thought, dropping progressively lower into your self-experience.

But this process can become very dry and you can become lost in saying goodbye to what you had thought yourself to be as you go deeper and deeper into Self, and lost into the process of sinking itself and become lost in the experience of emptiness.

To offset this tendency, when you go within, you need to go within with feeling, with acceptance of all that arises, with love of all that arises that takes all experience into your heart.  Embrace everything that arises within as you.

Then you will truly realize at some point you are all that exists, and more…  You are also the divine that people seek:  the source of life and the universe.  Discovering God within yourself is a beginning of a whole new movement from within: sentience arising, boiling and burning in love and acceptance.

     For my whole life I have had this dream of being some kind of hero. Last ten years I have devoted everything to make this dream come true. I have been hunting something that could make me strong and powerful so I could be this shining person of my dreams. I ended up practicing western occultism and I became more wise than ever before.

     Then this wisdom helped me to see the truth. My dream was impossible. What I wanted couldn't exist in this reality we live in. It was a child's dream that came from books and comics. It was foolish dream. Yet it was my only dream and goal. And now it's gone. The painful obsession is gone, but so is the meaning in my life.

     It is strange how painful this realization was. But in a way I feel I deserve the pain, because I failed the one thing that mattered. I failed to be special and I became like everyone else. 

     Actually it is worse than that. I never was special and never could be. We are all many things, but still humans in the end. I wanted to be better and stronger than all the others. I wanted to shine brighter than anyone else.

     Now I have realized the truth. It hurts. It so hurts.


     Fundamentally we are all alike; we are all human, vulnerable, etc.

     But, when you discover that basic bottom -most layer of consciousness in yourself, you find endless magic of the divine within you. You discover you are also God--that is special.

     Then your life's mission is to show everyone else that they are God.



     Would this bottom layer be the background of body sensations? The almost liquid stuff that surrounds and in a way fills all sensations that are related to the body? The basic stuff where kinesthetic and tactile sensations appear?


     Yes, the messy part of life, energy, subtle energies, the senses and the scene.

    The being human part is unbelievable. This sentience is God.


     Oh, how it shines! How it so shines!
There is no fear, anxiety, stress, bitterness, sadness, hopelessness or even madness at the moment! All pain and negativity is gone! There is just joy and happiness!

     This is amazing!


     It has been a long, uneven path for you. Even though you have found the Self, God within, the shining one, expect a continuing of the ups and downs. Everything that has been lost in you has to be renowned and brought back into the home of your heart, This takes time and patience.

     In the end you will be surprisingly ordinary, yet happy, and perhaps you will retain the constant happiness and bliss of knowing your Self--the Self each of us has as the gift of life.

22 March 2015

Sunday March 22.


Password is asked for 2 times and is edji.

"Suffering is primarily a call for attention, which itself is a movement of love. More than happiness, love wants growth, the widening and deepening of awareness and consciousness and being. Whatever prevents that becomes a cause of pain, and love does not shirk from pain." Nisargadatta.

18 March 2015


I have always wondered why so many men as well as women are willing to jump on the bandwagon of guru-bashing merely upon accusations of being abused by female students as did Chris Waller in a previous post. The guru is always the abuser; the accusations always true; no need to look deeply into the manner, just shout out loud his guilt.

I just received info from two people who live at the Ashram that paint a very different story, but without posting the actual details of the posts, the haters will just shout I have been duped. Here are the posts made as anonymous as I could make them:

"Your post hit it on the head. These women are not victims, I could write you a book, they were definitely up for it at the time and all were very ambitious and strong people. Like you, I hate the lies and no one deserves to be crucified in this way.

"Despite my differences in opinion with him, he is by far the best teacher I have ever encountered and definitely a Divine and magical being. I'm sticking by him and Devi Ma.

"I look at the attackers and see them all as of the same cloth. I've been contemplating the difference between those of us who have stayed and those who have left. I know in my case, I only wanted to find the self, to be free.

"Everybody who has left wanted "something" - to be successful in the world in whatever their leanings were. I can't help feel they have reverted to who they were before they came and have amnesia when it comes to the incredible gifts Swamiji gave them. I don't feel hatred toward them, just a sense of bewilderment that their minds have flipped so quickly and horrified with their actions. It's as if they have done no yoga at all. This is the true tragedy for me. I'm choosing to have faith in the legal team and the police."


I hope I am doing the right thing here, but I really felt I had to speak up in defense of Swami Shankarananda and Shiva Yoga. I've chosen to do it in a private message as it is turning into such a nasty situation.

This really was a campaign to overthrow him or at least get him to name his successor. There were people close to him who used information they had to try & force the issue, recruiting anyone who would listen. Yes, there were women, but honestly... The man is 73, with a serious heart condition & chronic asthma, so 40+, seems a bit of a stretch. Swamiji has openly admitted there were women, but I believe that many claiming abuse are fanaticizing.

He has never demanded celibacy from any of his followers, including his Swami's & the majority have relationships of their own. I sincerely doubt the woman who has disclosed her name, was ever in a relationship with Swamiji. In fact she is the partner of the person who wanted to be successor.

Regarding other claims: A) I have never observed any signs of abuse, in the demeanor of any women there AND as a previously abused woman, I know the signs

b) Ashramites are free to come & go as they wish. Most hold positions or are studying outside the ashram most days & they go out socially & take holidays. It was actually one of the main protagonists who tried to rule the Ashramites, against Swamiji's wishes.

They do not appear to live in fear either. c) Those who remain have not been told what to do or how to act, apart from being requested not to retaliate to those attacking us.

d) Swamiji only returned at the request of those who wished to stay with him. He was quite prepared to step down completely, if that was what was wanted.

e) Those who have left, have not been attacked by those remaining. Swamiji has specifically asked we treat everyone with love & respect. He himself said in his statement, that people were free to stay or go, at their own discretion.

This fresh wave of attacks has only occurred (I believe), because this was the week of Swamiji's Birthday Feast & Satsang, so would incur maximum impact, just as their first attack was timed to coincide with the Christmas Feast & Satsang. Throughout this whole ordeal, Swamiji has been humble & loving to all. The real people who are being hurt, are those of us remaining, by the attacks & also those who've been deceived by a campaign of half truths & gross exaggeration.

All manufactured by a group of people hungry to seize power by any means. This is just an opinion from the other side, for your information.


But this guru bashing has to be exposed. It destroyed the Los Angeles Zen Center and deprived the world of a great Zen Master in the human form of Maezumi Roshi.  It is destroying Sasaki Roshi's legacy.


I don't know why teachers take on the task because it is so filled with risks to one's peace of mind.

17 March 2015


Well, well. Things have not changed so much in the spiritual world, from Krishnamurti to Shankarananda. Fifty years of alleged scandals shaking spiritual organizations. With Krishnamurti, Joel Goldsmith, and Robert Adams, it was about who was to control the organizations they built, and the written teachings.

I have received private contacts from both sides of the alleged scandal hitting my friend Shankarananda’s ashram.

The critics have been noticeably deficient in details of the allegations, such as what Shankarananda did, to whom and when. The charges are largely generic with little specificity which lowers their credibility.

Then I get another contact from a Shankarananda supporter that things are not as they first appear. The critics have a lot to gain if Shankarananda is pushed out.

From now on I believe nothing without proof, or at least enough detail to make a charge credible.

“Shanks,” as I knew him, has been a friend of mine for almost 40 years. I love Shanks. Yes, we have had problems between us over those years, and I always had a problem with his lack of openness and secrecy. But I had the same problem with Robert Adams secrecy also.

Yes, Shanks could be arrogant, but he also laughed at himself when he was being outrageous. He is a gentle and reasonable soul who ran a beautiful ashram in Los Angeles that I loved to attend. The ashram had a sweetness that I found lacking in many Siddha Yoga ashrams. But he was also easily narcissistically wounded and thus very vulnerable.

I repeat, I love Shanks, and I have difficulty believing he is capable of being as coercive as he has been portrayed by some. Manipulative, suggestive, pushy--yes. But as the sociopath as portraed? I doubt it.

Also, I have seen these sexual abuse allegations at almost all of the Zen centers I have been associated with, and of course the whole Siddha Yoga organization.

Recently the supposed scandalous behavior of Sasaki Roshi came at light after he turned 106. Supposedly he had been sexually abusing women for over 40 years. I was there during a period when the abuse was supposedly at it height, and everyone knew of his predilections, but no one complained. Women talked about it to me in a joking way, but I was not aware of claims of abuse, pain, etc.

Look, why the focus on this? There has been a profound feminist restructuring of morality around sex, which has become the PC attitude. It is always the man’s fault and women are poor, abused, manipulated, hurt, dupes.

Secondly, I know Devi well. Devi is an extraordinarily strong woman, and frankly, I can’t imagine all this going on without her knowledge and intersession.

I repeat again a phrase I heard somewhere, was it from Francis Bennett or elsewhere? I don’t remember. But an elder priest told a junior priest who had admitted to an evil and dissolute life before he found Christ, thinking he may not be of a cut to be a successful priest. 

The elder priest told him, “The saint is not a moral exemplar (especially since morality changes decade by decade), but a bringer of life.” That is, a true guru brings a person out of pain and suffering into life, either of the Manifest Self of passion and Self awareness, or to the transcendental Absolute of supreme peace.

Sometimes sex might do this, sometimes it might do the opposite and be damaging. But because it can bring life, I would not simply ban sex between a teacher and a student, or between any two consenting adults even if they are in other relationships. Love is the most important thing to keep alive, like a small flame on a cold day in the snowy woods. It has to be tended to and nurtured with a lot of attention.

And pain? Pain--emotional pain-- is part of daily life. One must learn to absorb pain and use it to find Self-Realization. Sometimes pain is a bringer of life. I don’t mean the pain that Hitler brought, but the normal pains we feel when slighted, ignored, lied about, loss, death, divorce. These are good pains, they make you know you are alive.

No one speaks about how helpful Swamiji has been to others and how. We only hear the mud as it hit’s the wall. How many people have found life through him? How many have found love or personal growth through him? Why did the aggrieved parties stick around if they were being so aggrieved, so hurt, so wounded by his actions? Have they no part in this drama as co-creators of the drama, or are they only victims of an abusive manipulating guru?

Shankarananda was never that powerful. He is no Rasputin or Svengali. He is an ordinary man with deep spiritual reaches and training, and I assume the “injured” parties are not as innocent as claimed. I know he was profoundly shaken when he found out about Baba's sexual adventures and maybe made a decision to carry on in that way himself. 

I don't know. All we hear are allegations and I never heard any defense until a recent message from a supporter.

AND, sex along with love can be a bringer of life. Maybe that is how Muktananda used it. I know Robert showed many women a lot of attention because he thought they needed it.

15 March 2015

China orders Dalai Lama to reincarnate after death

Supernatural politics: The government of China is ordering the Dalai Lama to reincarnate after his death, and accusing the Tibetan spiritual leader of blasphemy for saying he might not be reincarnated after he dies.
The bizarre demands being made by the ruling Chinese Communist Party stem from comments the Dalai Lama made earlier this year stating he might not be reincarnated, comments made after the Chinese government said they must approve of the next supposed reincarnation of the Dalai Lama.
At a meeting of China’s National People’s Congress in Beijing, the head of Tibet’s regional congress, Padma Choling, appointed by the Chinese Communist Party, said that the Dalai Lama must be reincarnated:
Whether [the Dalai Lama] wants to cease reincarnation or not … this decision is not up to him. When he became the 14th Dalai Lama, it was not his decision.
He was chosen following a strict system dictated by religious rules and historical tradition and also with the approval of the central government.
Can he decide when to stop reincarnating? That is impossible. What he wants is to distort reality. It’s impossible in my view. Tibetan Buddhism follows tradition. If he goes ahead with this there will be division.
Zhu Weiqun, chairman of the ethnic and religious affairs committee of the top advisory body to China’s parliament, accused the Dalai Lama of betraying, and being disrespectful toward, the Tibetan religion and the country by saying there might be no more reincarnations.
In addition, Tibet’s Chinese-appointed governor this week accused the Dalai Lama of blasphemy for doubting reincarnation,
Tibetan Buddhists believe the soul of a senior lama is reincarnated in the body of a child on his death.The current Dalai Lama was chosen as the head of his religion as a boy. He fled his homeland in 1959 after a failed uprising against Chinese rule.
Previously the Dalai Lama declared that he would not be reincarnated so long as Tibet is under Chinese rule, and that no one, including China, has the right to choose his successor.

Read more: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2015/03/china-orders-dalai-lama-to-reincarnate-after-death/#ixzz3UT1QmxVc

Spending the day relaxing and doing a litle sight-seeing with Matthew.

14 March 2015


I have a confession.

As you all know Rajiv and I were very close for a long time, and then we were not.

The reason was my jealousy and Rajiv’s silence.

Deeya had been my student for some time before Rajiv entered the picture, and she even wanted to come visit me in the U.S.  She and I exchanged many emails and she sent me some gifts and I was taken by her vulnerability and love.

Then Rajiv and I entered an intense public relationship on this blog which resulted in his awakening to the Absolute beyond Consciousness.  Deeya was much taken by Rajiv’s passion and began communicating with him.  Gradually she stopped communicating with me as did Rajiv and he was encouraging her to develop her own teaching website. Finally Deeya came into some money through her healing work and traveled to India to be with Rajiv and his family.

I felt jealous and left out.  Neither really was communicating with me and Rajiv even did a video of Deeya which he posted on his website.  I felt he stole her from me just as other former students of mine left me for  him.

Then there was some trouble between Rajiv and Deeya, and in my jealousy and anger I took sides with Deeya against Rajiv and could find no good in him.  For this I feel deeply ashamed with great sorrow.  I have caused him great hurt and his family as well.  I have apologized to him and he has accepted my apology, but he pointed out the pain I caused.

I publicly criticized the method he created as nothing more than Kriya Yoga, but in fact, it can be an exellent adjunct method of raising Shakti to supplement the dryness that self-inquiry done without great love and bring.  

I also criticized him for wanting to be a Hollywood guru for taking on the movie people, but, in fact, they were aiding Rajiv in coming to the United States and thus helping him get much needed medical treatment for his son from UCLA doctors.

Rajiv, I deeply apologize for the pain I have caused you and your family.

But, I pointed out that the emotional pain I caused was not the worst of it, because that pain inevitably leads to the Self if one is open to it.  The evil inherent in what I did and said was the pettiness of my motivations.

Rajiv is a good man--a human man with an ill son who he worries about constantly and whose plight weighs heavy on his heart.  You would not go wrong to have Rajiv as a teacher.  He is filled with love and has a powerful personality.

The greatest difficulty on any path is the initial awakening, which turns on the light switch so to speak illuminating the rest of the path. Awakening to the Absolute is most difficult indeed for it is beyond form and emptiness, beyond even the duality of witness and witnessed and it is almost impossible to find by oneself. Here the only guides are a subtle intuition so hard to pin down and a teacher's encouraging words.

Rajiv is an expert guide to the Absolute as well as awakening Kundalini which adds a factor of love and breathing to what can be entirely too dry a path.

Love Rajiv and your world will explode in joy.

12 March 2015



Let us get one thing straight.  There is a huge difference between the Fifth Amendment protections of our lives from intrusions by the government, and our “right” to hide portions of our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions both from our own awareness and from others. Fifth Amendment protections protect our freedom in terms of behavior and speech, while personal privacy described below prevent living the life-divine.

Our inner world is very complex—as complex as our outer world of everyday life which closely reflects our inner beliefs, feelings, and insecurities.  When we hide portions of that inner world from ourselves along with a refusal to be open with our inner selves to others for whatever reason, we are preventing our searching self from realizing itself as Self.

Until our inner world is a completely open book both to us and with an attitude of open sharing, to others, we cannot tease out that which is most fundamental to our sense of identity: the Self.

The Self is that burning light of awareness that makes any experience an experience, any knowledge, knowledge, any love, love.  Self is awareness of things, awareness of love; it is knowledge itself, love itself.

Yet to tease out that pristine Self from the complexity of our inner experience is extremely difficult if the totality of that experience is not available to the seeker, that aspect of Self that seeks itself as an object of knowledge.

A key ingredient of successful realizing of the Self, becoming aware of one’s own Self, is the ability to find the missing portions of an integrated human self, the lacunae, resulting from failure in the development of our sense of self from developmental failures, or the result of internal fixations as the result of trauma.  Both developmental failures and trauma create  distortions in how we view ourselves and the world, and prevent Self-Realization because the self-aspect that is seeking is really seeking lost aspects of itself which when regained, allows for the full manifestation and life of the divine within us.

Self-Realization really means God-Realization.  By that I don’t mean literally that one realizes some sort of conceptual God is manifested within.  What I mean is that when the Self is revealed to you the experience and power of the Self revealed is unlike anything you have experienced or felt before.  It is several orders of magnitude more intense, more moving and life-changing than anything you have experienced before.

The experience of Self when first realized is one of awesome wonder, of intense awe of the power of awareness, and of the light of Consciousness, and feeling directly as oneself the living, ever-mutating, vibrating nature of the energy within often called Shakti.

Along with the ecstatic experience of Self comes an overwhelming humility.  The self that was before, the self created over the time-span of your life, the little human self, bows and submits in the presence of Self which is experienced as the divine Other—a presence so magnificent as to overwhelm and thus exclude any other experience. God is found here in all His majesty, and you, His humblest of servants.

With this experience there is no longer anything to hide.  All has been exposed to God’s penetrating vision and thus to one’s own Self who is God, and all has been accepted and even welcomed by that God within.  Even the worst things you have ever done, the evilest of misdeeds is seen and forgiven.  You are wiped clean of guilt, sorrow for misdeeds, and made clean, fresh, alive once more. No longer lost or confused because of inner blindness, inner hidden secrets, you stand tall, complete, cleansed of sin and darkness, now leading a life of continuous open sharing of your Self.

Practicing openness and open sharing prior to Self-Realization is almost a requirement for it to take place.  One must become an open book, hiding as little as possible, being humble and human.  It is this open acceptance of who and what one is at any point in time that fosters and makes possible a long sequence of pre-Self-Realization experiences of a progressive exposure to lost portions of self allowing us to absorb and integrate that lost self into ourselves preparatory to realizing the Self in its fullness.

There is nothing worth hiding if you want to experience the godlike-Self within.  One knows that the light of Consciousness is the same for all, and that light is everywhere except for the secret-holder who creates a shadow to hide his shame and sin.

So many seekers fall off the path to realization of God precisely because of their clinging to the darkness of secrecy, for hiding anything anywhere within or without, is sequestering that thing away from the light of Consciousness and thus in an inner darkness.

These persons talk continuously of a need for privacy and exclusions from shared experience.  There are serious flaws in their openness to their own experience which is reflected by their fears about sharing their experiences with others, or of others knowing their flaws and hidden sticking points.

In Self-Realization, your heart of heart’s, your deepest sense of identity and intimacy, your most tender and vulnerable sense of self is exposed and totally accepted by God, by your Self within and privacy is seen as a barrier to seeing, feeling, and manifesting that Self.

So many fall from the path because they protect wounded parts of themselves from being seen by themselves or others and this self-protection is precisely the mode of their failure to realize that Self within, the Self of All.