31 January 2010



I am that which knows the coming and going of the state of being.

There was this complete fullness so to speak, complete within itself and then spontaneously the rising of the sense of being was known. This occurred during waking up from sleep. I am not able to understand this state.

I know what I am...I am non-conceptual...but now this wants to be captured in words...painful and confusing....words need to conceptulize me...I turn to you for some assistance.

I always recognized my sense of being..aware and unadorned by concepts as the space that I was...but when I now see that that too is rising and setting in what I really am...I am lost for words to understand......

On what is this knowing resting then?

thank you ....


"I am that which knows the coming and going of the state of being."

Yes, this is perfect understanding.

"> There was this complete fullness so to speak, complete within itself and
> then spontaneously the rising of the sense of being was known. This occurred
> during waking up from sleep."

Yes, this is how it is usually first seen.

"I am not able to understand this state.
> I know what I am...I am non-conceptual...but now this wants to be captured
> in words...painful and confusing....words need to conceptulize me...I turn
> to you for some assistance."
All conceptualizations are only philosophy, empty, transitory,
illusion. You must learn how to accept knowing nothing.

"> I always recognized my sense of being..aware and unadorned by concepts as
> the space that I was...but when I now see that that too is rising and
> setting in what I really am...I am lost for words to understand......"

Don't you see? What you are is entirely beyond the mind and cannot be
captured in words or concepts. There is no need to understand; just

Every answer would miss the point as all knowledge is about existence,
objects, phenomena.

What you are is before existence in this universe.

You are uncreated, unborn.



yes... absolutely ...

i was just getting down to sending you a reply to the first email once again.. :)
The self or whatever it is..is so un-contrived...spontaneous and self sufficient...that is seen in ordinary moments of just simple being. No words needed to be...simply are.
When these various states or experiences occur, there is an attempt to understand it..when the experience itself is not requiring that.. :) it also just is...
and you have so correctly stated..all explanations are only about the state of existence...and therefore the correct answer in all respects is that ..you are unborn...that shuts any more concept building.

Ed..the clarity that these words you have written, also cannot be captured in words...i can only say..thank you!


Dearest Ed,

I thank you for your love that you share so very very graciously. And I know that it is none other than my heart.

Every word expressed here melts into the joy that I am.

When we had communicated earlier, you had said just be.... :) what clarity in that message. Yes, just being is all that I am. Simply love. Every rising, every expression just me. I am in awe of this wonder that dances in all. No experience is looked for, no state is harnessed. The freedom I am is inexpressible. Tears, joy, no joy.... everything subsumed in this that I am. Even fears are welcomed as magical! I need nothing.

What can I say....when every flower silently points back with love and joy.

Ed...thank you for your kindness... :)

love all ways,

30 January 2010


Dearest Ed,

A couple of weeks ago, you recommended I read and ponder Pradeep's 'Nisargadatta Gita' daily.

It was so profound - and obvious! - that it struck like a lightning bolt. My practice and conviction intensified. The 'light episodes' got more intense and it felt like I was being vacuumed clean from 'above' by a very powerful Dyson! 

Initially, I felt elated. "At last ..." I thought, "... this would be the source of unalloyed happiness, joy, bliss!" 

Well, that's what thought did!!! The original 'I Am' seemed to 'change' and become all fuzzy. It even split off into 'unreal?' bits??

During these 2 weeks, I appear to have been going through a whole range of 'weirdness.' I'm still 'passing out' every day for hours - and come back (it seems) on the realisation that I haven't been breathing. There's a bit of panic with this and my chest feels crushed empty. I've been boiling hot, freezing cold, my body hurts everywhere - it even feels like there's a wee alien taking footsteps under my skin - and nothing makes any sense anymore. I'm forgetful, confused, can't think straight. I can't talk to anyone either, like I've developed a fear of connecting with people. 

It appears I'm literally going to go nuts and/or just burst right open at the seams with the seeming immensity of the 'problem' that I appear to have been 'stuck' on for the last few days (despite intense practice etc.)

There's this total and utter emptiness, desolation, despair, aloneness ... nothingness ... pointlessness. Disappointment. Anger that I've been 'lied' to ... cheated ... that all this time I've been looking to uncover the bliss of my True Nature ... the God within ... and there's absolutely nothing there.

I'm inquiring as to whom all this comes but just seem to be in the same space. Nowhere. No-one there.

It's like I've died to everything ... even to hope itself.

I would sooooo very much appreciate any direction you can offer Ed in what appears to be a very dark time.

I've been calling out to Robert for help and surrendering all this 'appearance' to him. All I'm aware of is "All is well and everything is unfolding exactly as it should." I'm hanging onto that!! 

Love, D.


Your true nature is neither emptiness or fullness.  You are beyond both.

All these experiences you are having have nothing to do with you; these are happenings in the consciousness you identified yourself with. That emptiness nature is the nature of pure consciousness.

The not breathing means your entire being is relaxing and going beyond body identification to nothingness. It happened to me, to Ramana and to Rajiv. Usually the breathlessness is associated with a "heart" location.

What is happening to you over days is what happened to me over a few hours. You feel like there is nobody home to watch the farm, so who is in charge? Right?

There is absolutely nothing to fear, you are being liberated.



Thank you so much for your reassurance Ed.

Love D.


My present state...?

I am lost for words. I am overcome. 

Wide Awake in Awesome Wonder! 

There is the firm conviction of my True Nature, beyond all 'states.' Unborn. Pure.

Time stands Still in Silence. I am continually forgetting the 'dream' of 'me' and abiding in Heavenly Peace. 

All is the Light. 

I became a 'Lamp Unto MySelf' ... Your Light, Grace, and that of the Masters, Illumined The Way ... Perfectly.

There arose a spontaneous 'pull' to return to the hospice, to comfort those in 'darkness,' with the 'awareness' that 'I' do nothing.  

In Reverence, Love and Gratitude I bow, 

Dear Ed,

Thank you so much for your reply to me, Your mum, my dad, illness definitely grounds me for sure. I hope now this email reaches you things have resolved themselves Ed. for some reason I didn't expect one and your message has been
sitting in my inbox with lots of the usual stuff for a long time because I took time out from trawling the webgurus and emails and everything whilst I just spent time letting what I had already absorbed sink in and become
comfortable with that. Just this morning it just occurred to me to go to your website and Boom, there's the autobiography waiting for me! I've read a bit but can't understand much, but I feel it, I feel this guy's passion and
pain, it feels like me! Ha. So then I check my email box for Ed, and there you are. 

I have been meditating now and again and have the same experiences as before but recently I have been seeing/experiencing a chrome/silver sphere/object penetrate through the nothingness and feel the most
overpowering bliss, it's almost too much. I'm also getting these energy spasms during the day, they just seem to come and go. It's not painful it just feels like  Whoooaaa............... there it is again. Let me be
completely honest with you, it happens when I read something, see something or have a small realisation about something that I sort of feel at one with, or somehow I recognize as the truth ( whatever that means!)

Ed, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the time and thought that went into your replies to me

Best Wishes


28 January 2010

A new book is available for free download. It is the complete edited dialogues between Rajiv and I regarding the various states he experienced during meditation on the I Am sense. It is intended as a meditation guide for those who want to actually experience an awakening. For those who have read the earlier dialogues, this book has a new introduction and an additional 80 pages and additional explanations throughout.

Your experiences will not be the same, but they might be similar. In any event, the explanations given are appropriate for broad classes of experiences on the way to awakening. In this book, the experience of Turiya is clearly described, also known as the waking sleep, as well as pitfalls to be avoided, like pausing at an incorrect understanding of consciousness and the Absolute.

This work brings together the two Jnana traditions of Ramana Maharshi/Robert Adams, and Nisargadatta/Ranjit.

26 January 2010

Hello Sir,

I have wanted to e-mail you many times, but something has kept me from doing so until now.  I wish to update you on my state, but before I do, I want to thank you for your efforts to help seekers find the truth. It is of immeasurable help to be presented with the quality resources that you share on your blog and your site, thank you for your help! 

Since reading the Gita and practicing I feel I have come to a better understanding of what the 'I Am' is and have begun the process of trying to stabilize and identify with it.  I have inquired into the 'I' thought and conceptually understand that there is no 'I' to whom the world or thoughts appear, however I have yet to have a direct experience of it's fraudulence, and will continue my inquiry until I discover who this 'I' really is, or rather is not.  In other words, the world still appears real to me, but I conceptually understand it's transience and thus unreality. I suppose this also means I have not come to the full understanding that I am not the doer.  

I hear the silence now, Sir. I understand what people mean by it's 'ringing' or 'humming'.  It's always been there. 

During meditation I see an amorphous purple shape the seems to ebb and flow as I relax more and more, until my perception seems to pass through it and everything becomes like purple space, which then eventually fades away.  I still sense the body, and witness thoughts while this is occurring.  What do you make of this state, Sir?  It comes unwillingly, but occurs each time I go into meditation.  I know it should be ignored as unreal as all things in consciousness are, but I am just curious since it is reoccurring during each sitting.  

On a couple of occasions I have felt as if I am going to sleep but still witness thoughts. I am not sure if this is me falling alseep, and because I am focusing on my 'Amness' that I witness thoughts longer before I actually fall asleep, or this state is a more pure experience of 'Amness'.  It has come when I haven't really intended to meditate, but just relax.  For instance when I lay outside in the Sun sometimes I doze off, but on a couple of occasions a state like I just described has occurred since beginning to practice.  

There have also been periods where I feel pressure in my third eye area. Like someone is pushing their finger on my forehead.  This sensation has generally come about outside of meditation, but while in silence.  One night there was an experience of it before sleep, and it returned the next morning for awhile before I went to work, unwillingly.  

I know that this experience, as well as all others are within consciousness, and thus not bringing me any closer to the truth, but this is what I am experiencing since starting my practice. 

Also, I am losing interest in my friends and the world.  It is happening slowly, but noticeably.  I just feel like I do not relate to my friends very much anymore.  I am 23 and, like you, graduated with a Philosophy Degree. Most of my current friends only care about partying and dating, while even my smallest ambitions seem to be waning.  I used to be driven to be someone or do something - to make a difference, but it seems rather pointless now. If anything I see thoughts of going into the Peace Core, or an NPO, or NGO to help others. Or going to a place like Mt. Baldy and being with Myself in a disciplined and focused setting.

I have almost cut meat entirely from my diet. I used to eat meat daily, but have only eaten it on two occasions since beginning my practice.  I love my cats and all other animals equally and the thought of eating another sentient being disturbs me more and more as I progress. 

I was wondering, do you know of anyone who holds Satsang in the Phoenix area?  I live in Tempe, and am completely unfamiliar.  I know that you are well connected in the spiritual world and that your Mother lives in Phoenix (I hope she is doing well), this is why I ask.  If not I will seek one out on my own. 

Sir, my life has changed forever. The seed has been planted. 
Once again thank you very much for your help. I am sorry if this got to be a bit long.  


Seeing a purple shape is good. It means you do not just see darkness. You have some inner light sense. This is associated with the third eye sensations you are having. That is, you are beginning to see inner space, or that which I call the imaginal space.

All the world is just a construct in imaginal space. It is a network of conceptualized objects thrown over an undifferentiated oneness underneath the world we appear to see. This shape should eventually give way to an inner “light” that spreads everywhere that you perceive anything. However, this still is not you. It is refined consciousness.

Yes, when the inner world begins to draw you in, you do lose interest in friends, family, etc. This is very good. However, since you are so young, there will always be a strong draw for you to participate in the world.
However, just doing an activity such as the Peace Corp or helping the world in some organization will not help you much either in terms of finding lasting peace or happiness. That comes when you know in your heart of hearts the ground of your being. That brings complete self-confidence and peace, and that is found through internalization of your mind through self-inquiry and self abidance.

Yes, once you recognize a deep love for all sentient beings, the realization comes that eating meat was something you did without thinking about where the meat came from. That is the problem in America. People do not see the suffering, screaming of the animals and the killing. When they realize what is really happening, the urge to eat meat immediately stops. There is a pain and guilt that goes away after meat eating stops.

I am glad your live has changed completely. You have also seen completely through the mind as an instrument of salvation. You can’t use the mind to get before the mind. I assume you wrestled with Kant, Bishop Berkeley, and all the problems of idealism versus realism, and realized even the great philosophers were still captured by mind. You are now going deeper than the famous ones that we know about because they wrote and lectured.

Keep up the effort. Keep me informed of your progress.

I know of no one in the Phoenix area, but keep writing and we will meet some day.


Sent to me:

I really enjoyed reading about Jimmy and his battle with the railroad; you asking Mary Cummins for help, Mary making the discovery about the land. I hope it works out for Jimmy and the cats.

Thanks for maintaining the itsnotreal site, and for the tapes and the recent pdf of the dialogues between you and Rajiv. Immensely helpful.

I felt I was making great progress but recently got hit with an illness, anchoring me firmly to the illusion. All mapped out, nothing to worry about. The Robert story that springs to mind is the one about the Monk who says after learning he has to reincarnate as many times as there are leaves on a tree and says 'Thank you lord, just one tree!' Luv it.

All the best mate,

To Me:

Glad I can help.. [with a donation]

I have two rescued cats who are love incarnate! So I very much appreciate 
what you do...especially the help you are offering with your blog.

On the inquiry side of things...do you plan to hold Satsang in person? I'm really feeling the pull to be in that sort of setting...I'm tired of all the concepts and philosophy...they can be enjoyable, but it just seems like game playing. And the so called 'neo advaitists' all stop at 'beingness'...they say to just realize that "I Am" is a thought and that you are prior to thoughts...well...from what I gather, that is NOT what Nisargadatta was teaching. I have been reading the Nisargadatta Gita and the Jean Dunn books like you instructed...and it seems to me that he was saying even the thoughtless sense of presence is false...that the sense not the thought I Am has to go..is this correct?

Thanks again for all your generosity in these matters.


Yes N.

You certainly are before the I thought, but you also are before the I AM feeling, and even before consciousness itself! The I Am thought and I Am feeling are different, although often when the whole structure of thought breaks down and is seen through, the sense of presence, or I Am disappears leaving a sense of emptiness. But the sense of presence always returns. It is this sense of presence, or the I Am that has to be seen through, and the root consciousness of Turiya, the unchanging has to be experienced. Then you see that all states of human consciousness are merely added onto you.

You have to go to the core of being, the Turiya state, which is the source of all consciousness states.

Just keep reading the Nisargadatta Gita as a meditation manual first thing in the morning. Reflect on it. Keep me informed.

Thanks again,


23 January 2010

Dearest Ed,

thank You very much for your blog!

all happens by itself; this is now clearer:

every thought, decision, action happens without my involvment; it is like everything else in the field of perception: happens by itself, is not chosen by me.

In a similar way, it is only identification with body-mind that gives one impression to decide, act and think, but it is not so...

In sitting practice is the same: I do nothing and everything happens by its own; many strong energy movements (kundalini) or thoughts, insights etc. but now I am not involved.

All this has nothing to do with me: the insight that all universe and 'my' body, all perceptions are apart and different from me is clearer: sometime there is unity, sometime no, but all this is Shakti, is not separate from me, but in a way is only manifestation and I am beyond every manifestation.
No experience can change me, or define me, neither joy nor sorrow, everythin is contaneid in me, I am the universe and beyond it. This is not stable, but is clearer.

Beyond what I perceive now there is 'nothing' this is what I am;
sometime people and things are made of awareness, but they are only a vision, a perception, and I am beyond.

For example You now exist as a thought and image perceveid and nothing else.

Now a feeling of gratitude to You,

Wuld You like to comment?

with gratitude,

My comment is that you are entirely correct. You understanding is 100% correct.

You just have to stay there and live it to make it yours 100% in every minute of day and night. 


Dearest Ed,

Thank You so much!

This morning in sitting practice, resting without doing nothing,
initially there were many thoughts, then energy, etc... but at the same time began a spontaneus movement of attention towards itself, like settling in itself and insights came:

all problems come with identification with the world of perception, when one loses interest in perception universe, then one begins to rest in ones real nature, in itself.

Then gradually something deeper, a silence beyond any perception, emerged and began to settle... The miracle seems this losing interest in the world of perception because nothing in it could give me what I am.

This shift from perception to something (silence) beyond it continued all the session: when there is this silence the perceptions are there but are secondary, like in surface;

Counsciousness is my surface, but in the depth I am silence, beyond it: this is true not only in sitting practice, but ever; but until now I was like ipnotized by surface (counsciousness) not noting the depth of myself (silence beyond counsciousness).

What do You think about it?

Homage to You, You are not a thought or image, You are the Reality Itself that I am...

Everyone and everything is this Reality beyond perception...

With love and gratitude,


There is really nothing to say except your understanding is perfect. Just stay where you are. The perfection will settle more and spread to all aspects of your being.


21 January 2010

The Joy Deepens for Rajiv:

Indescribable joy was what I experienced in todays morning dhyaan. Master nothing I write or say can actually describe it. It was like every cell of my body was EXPLODING with joy. There is no way in the world anything can contain such a joy. Every other joy, feeling, pleasure in the past that I have ever experienced FADED in comparison. EVERYTHING that a human being can ever experience or imagine or perceive IS NOTHING as compared to this. 

There were periods of nothingness when everything seemed to have stopped like yesterdays dhyaan and then this joy. I have no idea whether I am talking from memory or whether that is my real nature because there is no finger to point. There is no mind to track anything. Again there was awareness yet no idea how so much time passed away.

This time the sinking at the back was in such force that  I reached astral too. I felt my physical as well as my astral body BOTH at the same time. I could remain in the two bodies absolutely together. In the subtle astral realm my mind was in full operation but the indescribable joy of causal or beyond CANNOT be tracked, pointed or traced. It was deeper for me to conclude the origin of the joy except that perhaps the timeless state yielded such a joy.
 The stillness and silence during dhyaan tells me  "I am wordless and effortless, take refuge here". There is no observer or observed, no witnesser or witnessing, no object, no mind and no time only this RESTFUL JOY which is beyond all and everything.

Ah Master there is nothing to say too.

Pranoms to Guru of all who is making this happen, My Satguru Master Ed.



This is what real awakening is like, not the watered down descriptions given by neo-advaitins who do not recommend constant practice and self abidance.

20 January 2010

Rajiv's great progress: the state of waking sleep, Turiya.


Master before I get engrossed in reading the dialogues I would just like to share a few things in the past few sessions of dhyaan and waking state.  

When I kept myself totally aside in today’s dhyaan I was watching the tremendous effort which consciousness was making, BUT there was no ME. I was allowing consciousness to do what it likes on its own. I then realized that I am NEVER in control of what happens in life or in the session too and that all that what happens is none of my concern. It is consciousness   play and it has its own intelligence working. Now that intelligence may not be according to how I perceive my session should go or life should go. I let go of every will or desire and decided to just be. I may or may not have watched the proceedings.

I remember after my session was over that it was haphazard, all over the place to start with. It made no sense, no direction but it was the way consciousness decided. I was no party to it. I was only resting letting it do what it wants. The ways of Consciousness makes no sense, no direction, and no method. It was like chaos, total chaos. I control nothing for I am very clear on my position. I have no will. It felt stupid that I didn’t wish to do anything at all.  I was too busy resting I thought let it do what it wants. After the session was over I only remember that 2 hours had gone like in a minute, it is most NATURAL state to be without will. I recollect a few experiences like sinking taking place, the vast emptiness void, a deep silence, movement ahead into the void ahead inside, no idea when they appeared or disappeared or how long they lasted because the mind was off, drugged or you can say in a dull sleepy nothingness.

The sinking happened on its own. I got swallowed at a tremendous speed. A tremendous stillness and empty void was experienced beyond experience. It was like the body/mind/consciousness machine switched off after the chaos and turbulence.

They will seem to be an imposition on you. You will realize it makes no sense to fight an enemy, which doesn't exist. It is like a dark room can only give an illusion of ghosts but you know they don’t exist. You don't keep the lights on fearing them or start thinking how to tackle them. The thought of them leaves on its own as you go into slumber. They die their natural death. Similarly all thought and play of consciousness have an agenda, they appear and disappear just let them be. They are just pre-recorded tapes, which keep going on and off. That consciousness has a will to make an effort and involves your body and mind but you have NONE. I discovered I was BEYOND WILL and so beyond Effort.

It is consciousness, which plays around with characters and events, and none of this is my doing. I don't create situations nor am I related to it in any way. It makes no difference what consciousness would do for it is not related to me. It only seems like that. Consciousness has nothing personal too it just operates, as it desires with no fixed pattern.

Many of this makes no sense at all. To find sense of what consciousness does is to create a reality out of it and to disturb its workings. All this is just a fraud probably. And to involve us in any of this is to make unreal totally real. To use any will is to make unreal real? Consciousness on its own works and we have nothing to do with any of it.

We have nothing to create, nothing to seek, nothing to destroy, nothing to do with anything around. Consciousness works through the intelligence of the body and mind; we don't have to even watch it. We can perfectly sleep, do nothing and yet consciousness will work with our bodies.  We are dead already in a way. The bliss is no criteria, the happiness, joy, peace itself are no criteria, yet it is there in abundance without my asking. I ask nothing. I may or may not be a source of anything. I may or may not have created all this. Having seen through this play of consciousness, I only exist without any apparent will. I am only resting. All that there is, is silence, and all that I am doing is resting. Just resting Master. I AM SIMPLY RESTING ALL THE TIME.

That resting is an experience in meditation when the entire mechanism of consciousness breaks down slows down and eventually stops. Before that they operate at full speed asking you to be party to it. And when you allow them to operate with their own intelligence using no will but just being, it stops and then there is the sweet nothingness and emptiness, the marvelous state of Natural silence.

Master what freedom you have given me is beyond all descriptions and words. Everything fails to qualify what you have bestowed on me.

I bow,



Yes Rajiv, now you have arrived.


This time Master I somehow knew. 

It is an ultimate sense of freedom from everything, from thought, from consciousness, from will and from effort. There is nothing to do but rest and whatever happens is simply not my concern.

Ah Master your Grace made all this possible. Ah if only others can realize that the words of the Satguru is enough, nothing else is needed. Surrender does not mean blind faith, it means forsaking everything for His words, where nothing matters except those words. 

Master I bow at your feet a million times


(A few days later)


Master just got out of dhyaan, again nearly 2 hours gone without "knowing" how. In fact, I couldn't hear the doorbell of my milk man too. So I was surprised how I missed the bell.

There is nothing much to write in terms of "experiences" because the only feeling I was having was that I was aware the whole session. At least that is what I felt. There was nothing more to it.

But obviously I lost conciousness and went into deep sleep because I could not hear the door bells. What is strange was the feeling that I was  aware of time and every proceeding happening in dhyaan. In between I was in astral dream plane too but that was all happening on the surface and I noticed very little of them. ME as a background is ever resting.

The little that I could "experience" of that background state  was brief periods of intense joy, INTENSE  cold thrill happening to my entire beingness and beyond and so nothing much in terms of experience.

All in all nothing was actually happening for whatever that was happening was not happening to ME and so not much attention was taking place to the surface of experiences. The prominent experience I felt was that a feeling that I was always aware and that of a deeper joy and cold thrill  taking place in my  restful natural state where time too did not touch me. I remembered the experience of cold thrill too as a memory.


This is your true state, beyond everything. You are becoming nothing! This restful state is called waking sleep, Turiya, and will only deepen and mature my dear Rajiv. You are beginning to apprehend your true resting nature.


Believe me the only thing I did was never to deviate from your instructions. I believe your words have tremendous transmission powers if only one surrenders fully. Without doubt that was my only plus point. Never did a doubt rise in my mind even once. I sailed through your Grace alone Master. 

Master it is my only wish in life now to have your Darshan. 

I do not know if you can travel to India or no. There will be no greater pleasure for me than that if you ever come visit us here.

The horse (that is me) who is thirsty for your Darshan will find a way to reach the well soon if it comes to that.

You have quenched my entire thirst and I am sure this too shall be one day soon.

Your servant,