30 May 2014

Matthew Brown just posted my collected blog teachings from July to December of last year.  I had hoped to have my third book done by now, but working with Deeya, the retreat, and my current physical setback has delayed that.  But soon....


28 May 2014



     First, a disclaimer: Anything said in words is false; words cannot convey another’s or your own experience in a way that you can be sure the other person knows exactly what you are talking about.  Indeed, you can read Nisargadatta, Robert Adams, Ramana Maharshi, or Ed Muzika for years and never be sure that you really understand the experience they are trying to convey, nor can you be certain they understand what you are saying. 

     The same holds true about trying to communicate any unusual experience or understanding about anything phenomenal or abstract with anyone. 

     If it is an everyday experience we try to communicate, there is always an illusion of understanding due to the verbal-descriptive matrix of experiences and descriptions we are all embedded in.  Of course this is just a convention and little reality is shared.

     Given this, let me talk some about one’s inner space, the space that Robert, Ed, and Nisargadatta ask you to look into to find the “I,” the “I Am,” and inner energies and emotions.

     When a beginning meditator first looks within, he or she may see nothing, or may just see darkness.  A few will see some colored lights minutely flashing somewhere. Or, like me, immediately find darkness everywhere I “looked” within except for a blue light centered in the Third Eye area above and between my eyes, and about one inch inside my skull.

     By watching that light it gradually expanded upwards and downwards and outwards. After a while the color blue gave way to a clear light that illuminated what had been just darkness, and by “pushing” that light downwards by putting a light mental pressure on the bottom edge of the expanded light, it gradually expanded downwards over a period of six months until the lighted Void or emptiness actually left the body and entered the ground below and also penetrated outwards illuminating the inner darkness of the imagined space that surrounded my body.

     With this inner illumination I used to see reflections of the blood vessels network in my retinas, as well as floating thoughts that looked like semi transparent cloud “objects” a few centimeters across floating all around “me” in that imaginal space.  I used the term “imaginal space” to differentiate it from the space or emptiness I saw with eyes open.

     After a while it is impossible to tell one from the other; the light one sees inside with closed eyes, appears the same as light one perceives with open eyes, and the space also appears the same. The difference is that the imaginal space is idiosyncratic to me, and rarely can anyone share that inner space, while the outer space, by constant communication and societal norms make most of that outer space common for all, at least as a shared illusion.

     Now the inner space has light and is mostly undifferentiated, with random lights, thought clouds, and other entities floating in it.  When one is sleepy, and tending towards sleep, the imaginal space becomes the venue for dreams which live out their entire enfolding within that inner space.

     I want to share also that the meditator, once having experienced the identity of internal light, objects, and space with external light, objects and space, becomes aware of other states of Consciousness coexisting side by side the usual waking world we experience. Sleep, dream, the Energetic Body, as well as the not-knowing state of the Causal Body are all seen to exist side by side, but one state seems to predominate at a time.

     Even now, I always "perceive" the sleep state at the edge of my waking awareness, ready to move in and become the primary Conscious state with which I identify. I also "feel" within me, the state of absolutely knowing nothing, no-object, no awareness, that I can go to at any time, sometimes easily, sometimes not at all.

     I want to point out that that inner space is an inner equivalent to eyesight.  It is observed by an observer from the point of view of the head and eyesight, and as such, it is limited to observing only emptiness or subjective inner objects, such as images, lights, energy flow paterns and the like.

     If one hears a sound either within or without, it cannot be isolated by the inner vision to a location.  The same thing with the body senses.

     The body cannot be accurately seen from within and associated with what the body feels as touch, pressure or pain.  One cannot see the integrity of ones arms, legs, trunk, and head with one’s inner vision, nor can emotions be located in that inner space even after it has become filled with light that permeates everywhere within imaginal space.

     Here is a major problem: If a meditator continues to look for something, one is engaging only the visualization sense; this can become so powerful of an orientation that the meditator can no longer feel anything inside.

     One almost becomes oblivious to one’s body, because the kinesthetic impact of body sensations cannot compete with an over-developed inner visual sense.

     However, thinking, reasoning, and logic can proceed rather well side by side with inner seeing, or the mind can be “seen” as only cloud entities slowing moving around one’s inner space. One cannot see emotions, body sensations, tactile sensations, taste, or sound in the same way.  It is as if mind itself is a kind of visual phenomena, not unlike space.

     (It should be noted that these thoughts are usually universal thoughts that everyone has, for thoughts give the external world forms and perseverance.  Thoughts give the world structure and solidity.)

     Therefore, by mastering the inner visual sense, the ability to feel emotions, or enjoy or even just experience tactile sensations, or enjoy music, etc., can be much diminished because one’s mental focus is on the inner space that quickly fades into dream, sleep, or fantasy.

     Eventually the meditator needs to leave constant focus on the inner space and its phenomena, to a focus on emotions, body sensations, touch, body orientation, and to the new world of Subtle Body energies that begins to emerge when we start focusing on feelings and kinesthetic sensations as opposed to the imaginal space.

     This is how love can transform your whole psyche; it can awaken you very quickly to sexual feelings and energies, as well as sensitizing you to other body sensations and orientations. The body comes alive so to speak when before one’s sole existence was as witness to the inner world, and by remaining in that observer role while awake in the external world.  One becomes a witness all the time.

     But love, especially romantic love, brings powerful impacting energies, deep emotions both positive and negative, and with it, an entryway to feeling and observing the energies of love, surrender, humility, grace, and rivers of colored emotions running through us within.

     We all always have this Subtle Body, or Energy Body, but most people, unless that are deeply aware of their bodies and emotions, never feel these inner energies, and love can convert the most intellectually removed person, or the most “non-emotional and non-tactile” person into a deeply engrossing and intimate involvement with one’s own energy body in a very short time.

     Of course there are Kundalini teachers who teach access to Subtle Body energies and the Kundalini through mantra, chanting, breathing exercises, and visualizations.  However, I feel a practice of love and devotion can be far more powerful and far quicker than these exercises to open awareness and change within the Subtle Body.

     For the advanced meditator who has mastered witnessing the inner world of lighted space, the unfolding process of love brings new dimensions of experience as well as a steadying of understanding.

     Feeling one’s body totally, owning it as you; feeling emotions totally, also as you; feeling the Energetic body, totally as you, all bring together a recognition of you, to you, as a multidimensional body consisting of your imaginal space of light, images and dream, the sensations of your physical body as an observed entity, your emotions as tools to “feel” rather than see the world, love which binds it all together, with absolute certainty of who and what you are.  You see yourself as a totality, but with just one remaining element to be added: awareness of your self-awareness.

     This is the magic moment where it all comes together and unfolds differently for different people.  For me, it was from a unbelievably powerful sense of Self arising from my gut, flowing upwards into my heart, then flowing upwards and outwards through my head and arms. It felt as if the power of God entered my from below and grace flowed downwards from above in the form of a golden light that lifted all my sins or impurities away, leaving me totally surrendered, totally grateful, and with the final realization that God and I are one.

     I now know who I am:  I am all that I see, feel, hear, taste, and touch. I am also the witness.  I am also totally love.  I am my body.  I am my Energetic Body.  I am my inner lighted emptiness.  I am also the single observer of everything, totally beyond Consciousness.  And I am Shakti, the energetic aspect of God that is acting through me as me. And, I ultimately am the knowledge of who and what I am.

     This is why I emphasize a path of love, not just of a purified, rarified “impersonal, unconditional love,” but of all forms of love, from friendship, to mother love, sibling love, hot passionate romantic love, love of an animal or thing, love of God or Christ.

     I believe love is the most powerful and quickest way, but also an extremely difficult way with powerful emotions to be dealt with, huge restructurings internally of how we see the world and ourselves within it, shifting moralities, often terrifying physical pains associated with emerging emotions.


That's quite a wild ride, Edji. Very interesting. Thank you.

So many are looking for these kinds of spiritual experiences, as a means of validating their spiritual progress, and in hopes of finding a final solution to their suffering. 
 What do you think about seeking 'spiritual experiences', and what part do they play in awakening?

You probably know of the many who get caught up, perpetually, in one supernatural, impressive spiritual experience after another, never seeming to find the way out of these experiences. Some even indulge them as a means of building credibility and gathering a following. Some mistaking Oneness for Enlightenment, etc.

I think it was Nisargadatta said to 'expect nothing from experience'. It was him saying this that seemed to bring relief from the enormous sense of burden from thinking I also have to go out and find a way to have the incredible experiences.
... I wonder what you think about this?

I have now, instead, settled for simple being, and just only living with whatever comes, and whatever spontaneously happens, without seeking any particular experience, or even any particular outcome. 


Well, regarding experiences, I think they are fascinating. Each time we have an "experience" we are talking about something different, something quite out of the ordinary, and can be quite captivated by them..

I know the beginning meditator, if sinc
ere and makes great effort, will have literally hundreds of new experiences.

And with each new experience, they either leave a residual of new understanding or they don't. Other experiences are so powerful or wonderful we want to repeat them, and some never are repeated.

My own experience is that there is a continual unfolding of experiences mixed with understanding. Experiences change our understanding as to what is, and what we are, as well as our goals.

I have had three what I call Satori, and each of these is a teaching point for me: The experience where the inner and outer world boundary disappears and one enters a period of Oneness without separation into inner and outer, I and thou. There is only one space, no I or me. This is what most FB teachers talk about.

Then there was the experience and with it the understanding that I was apart from Consciousness. Consciousness and its states came and went, but did not touch me. I became the Absolute, the witness, and everything in the manifest world was only an object that did not touch me including the Void.

Lastly there was the Self-Realization of myself as a multidimensional being, physical, emotional, mental, Voidlike, filled with Shakti, and held by God, the divine. This is the realization that has continued to expand and unfold.

25 May 2014



Sign in with the password   edji    on two different screens.

Push the Broadcast button top left of screen to become visible.

Try to feel the internal energies circulating throughout the Sangha.

23 May 2014

Below in a 1992 talk, Robert makes the distinction between the loss of of the concept of I, the illusory I that you think you are before self-investigation, and the real I, which is a feeling combined with knowingness of your existence as a sentient being fully engaged in life and which includes everything that is manifest.

However here Robert also seems to equate the false I with the term "ego," which you (The real I?) is trying to destroy.

But the real I never tries to destroy anything. It just knows itself and can't take its attention off of itself. The false I of ideas is replaced by intense knowingness of the Self, a constant realization of the Self.

This clearly demonstrates that words are an ineffective way of conveying spiritual knowledge, and Robert knew that, but was trapped in a role of being a teacher using words until his Parkinson's made that impossible.

"When you're practicing Self-Inquiry forget about the real 'I'. 

"What you're doing is you're going backwards, you're trying to destroy the 'I' ego. And by destroying the 'I' ego what you call the real I will be self evident.

"The real 'I' is what you really are, that is your real nature. So you don't have to feel that some place there is a real 'I'. For what you're doing is you're making it sound as if there is you and the real 'I'. There can never be you and the real 'I'. There is only the real 'I', but because you don't really understand this fully the practice the Self-Inquiry has been given to you to get rid of the false 'I'."

~ Robert Adams

What Robert could have said was that your real nature is so vast, so powerful so full and blissful, and it is always there shining forth, but we are so full of words, concepts, shoulds, should nots, ideas of purification, perfection, as well as a lot of turbulent memories and emotions, that we lack the space to clearly see ourselves through the clutter.

Many years of self-inquiry meditation, or sitting in silence, can create an emptiness inside through which the True I can begin to be seen, somewhat like the sky clears of clouds after a storm and the blue sky can be seen.

Then one day, if you are lucky, the Self reveals itself to You, the Self who now truly sees one's inner world as more real than the clutter, and sees emptiness even within the clutter. And from that emptiness the Self shows itself to your Self rather than to the imaginary I you thought you were.

Then everything is transformed and turned upside down.

You directly apprehend yourself as the Center of the Known Universe, as well as the power or Life Force that courses through your body and also which makes the apparent world go round.

Robert then goes further and says:

"The answer you are looking for is within yourself. Everything you are looking for is within yourself. When I say within yourself I don't mean your physical self. I mean within the Self. The Self is not within you. You are in the Self. So when I say everything you're looking for is in the Self it includes your physical body and everything else. Everything is the Self."


You see, the acknowledges that we are everything, and as such, responsible for everything.  Looking outside at the world is still the Self looking at the Self, feeling the Self, acting within the Self.

19 May 2014

Self-Realization as I know it.

     People who ought to know better, and who have read my book, continue to misrepresent what I am teaching.

     Some of them state that I profess to teach about final or ultimate awakening, then spend too much time talking about emotions, the body, energies, etc., which they conclude have nothing to do with any ultimate awakening.

     In point of fact, in my opinion there are multiple paths and multiple awakenings, and depending on how you define "self-realization," there are multiple self-realizations.

     Nor do I believe there is anyone who has completely understood, mastered, revealed, or opened every aspect of him or her self.  I think self-discovery is unending, or can be unending, except that certain paths, such as Nisargadatta's Advaita are self-limiting, because for him, all of the manifest universe, the body, mind, emotions, energies, external world are unreal because they are transcient, and only the unchanging Witness, the subject of all, is real.

     With such an attitude there is no energy behind self-exploration, because anything that can be seen, heard, felt, tasted, smelled, thought of, imaged, is transcient and thus not real, thus not worth paying attention to or understanding.

     This is my own teacher's POV, and one I profoundly disagree with.  This sort of dead end or final enlightenment, for most, is a complete dead end, resulting in a multidimensional being believing that all he or she is, is the Witness, Parabrahman, and all else is illusion.

     I see multiple paths to multiple goals and multiple "realizations."  To me, everything is me and is real, and is personal in the sense that I am the "owner" of the manifest world, its shepherd and protector.

     I profoundly disagree with any teacher who self-proclaims him or herself as being more enlightened, awakened or advanced than all other teachers.

     Having spent over thirty years in the field of psychology, I am well aware of how most "spiritual" people have used spiritual theories and practices to "disappear" emotional and developmental problems.  I see a very large percentage largely unable to articulate what is going on inside of them emotionally because emotions have been downplayed in favor of realizing emptiness, or the Void, or the clear, self-lighted, Consciousness, or bliss, or experiences of inner energies, light, etc., coupled with ideas of how special they are spiritually as a result of their endless inner explorations which have sedulously avoided emotional exploration.

     Even those who have spent years in psychotherapy often trade openness to feelings for insights about themselves and their pasts, or current attainment of functionality as a result of therapy.  They really lack an ability to be open to their emotions and instead talk about them.

     Then there are many, many people that use techniques to "process" emotions, like fear, depression, anger, etc., by letting them "pass through" their self of Self.  They become "possessed" by a continuous process of processing emotions, physical problems, etc., that essentially, again, they have become active witnesses in complete control of their emotions, rather than have them flow freely.

     If they feel lonely, they process this feeling until it is gone. If they feel needy of another, they process this feeling until it is gone.  If they feel angry towards another, rather than express it to the "other," they process the feeling until it goes away and no real contact has been made with the other.

     They want to feel only love, and love of a special kind--love that is universal, impersonal, unattached, and unconditional, rather than the rather "messy" love with many facets that most feel towards others, which is "flavored" by romantic love, sexuality, possessiveness, attraction, projections, protective feelings, or sibling sibling or parental love.

     Emotions are not everything, but they extremely important for those who talk of an ultimate awakening or enlightenment which will make them self-contained and independent of need of any other human or animal. They are important in the sense that powerful emotions motivate their search for transcendence of emotions.

     If you try to feel such people with your heart, you reach but do not touch them.  They are not emotionally solid and tend to be detached, aloof, and self-contained. 

     So, I teach openness to everything within oneself, starting with repressed emotions, progressing to internal energies, increasing acquaintance with "Shakti," and the energetic and emotional linkages to the world, until the Manifest Self, the Atman, reveals Itself to Itself, which, to this point, only believed he or she was human, and had no access to or knowledge of the divine within oneself.

     This is the kind of awakening and Self-Realization that is best for today's individuals as well as for society itself in the sense that psychotherapy has made us more aware of the impact of repression and denial on our health and flexibility, and has allowed us to construct models of the Self that augment and challenge the eastern models. Openness to emotions and subtle body energies gives us more tools to be aware of ourselves and the world.

     Modern Vedantins and Buddhists would have us believe that modern psychology, psychoanalysis, psychiatry, etc., have nothing to add to thousands of year old healing traditions.  This is because their proponents know little of modern psychology.

17 May 2014


Go to http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Sign in with the password edji (It is asked for two different times).  Choose your sign in name.

Then go to top of video box and sign in to start broadcasting if you want to be seen.

The future of our sangha.

11 May 2014


I have a strong cold with lot's of coughing.  In addition, I had bought two new microphones a couple of months ago because my old microphones were not working well with this computer and the Weebly program.

However, just before and during the retreat I lent out both sets; one is with Deeya, and the other is with Max in Austria.

During the next satsang I'll tell you all about my current medical problem, which is not enough lung capacity, and the long road home from such a problem.

08 May 2014


     I am in a pickle now as are my students.

     For the last year of two I have been so happy, so serene on the inside no matter how “Drama-prone” our Sangha appeared to many, that it has been difficult for me to do anything.

     Sitting in my easy chair, or at Coffee Bean, after answering emails and doing chores, I would just lie back and rest in my bliss.

     It is so very difficult to describe this bliss.  For me it is like dropping into absolute zero degree level of activity, and in this complete rest, my “beingness” rests in a state of zero vibration or reactivity to the world.

     This rest is so complete and so deep that the bliss felt touches every molecule of my sensed body.  Even the energy body is quiet.  I am resting in a pool of liquid joy, happiness supreme, of lighted, self-aware Consciousness that is undifferentiated. 

     I can sit there for two or three hours without moving a muscle except to breathe. This is perfect happiness, perfect peace.

     Two problems: How do I “give” this to someone else when they are more interested in conversation than liberation?  And, my body falls apart because any moving exercises or expressions of truth cannot match the supreme bliss of being and doing nothing?

     Our last retreat made me realize that most students are searching for something undefined to them, through the use of mind and understanding.  Most everyone there was just talking, exchanging ideas, jokes, etc., rather than find the Self within.  The retreat was used to gain understanding or knowledge for some future potential awakening rather than to find the Self here and now, which is always freely available to be experienced, once one focuses one’s attention on one’s inside, one’s subjectivity, one’s knowingness and sentience.

     If only I can get them to shut up, look and feel within, and while doing so, to feel our common Self within.  Please feel my energy.

     The other growing problem is that with many students around always wanting to do something for me, I am growing fat and lazy.  The bliss of stillness grows and grows, and my body deteriorates.  What will be our (Sangha's) new balance?

03 May 2014


Just completed an exhausting 4 and a half day retreat, and my voice has entirely gone away.

See you on the 11th at the usual time of 2pm, California.