25 May 2019

LIVE SATSANG ONLINE, 11 AM, Arizona time (Same as California daylight time now)

Even though I do not accept that demons exist, I believe that Trump is driven by some sort of demonic forces or personalities.

I also believe most spiritual people equate spiritual depth with the expression of clear concepts about world the self. The person who has a good mind and expresses what sounds like deep concepts in an elegant way, is regarded as an enlightened being. To me spirituality is not conceptual at all or a matter of understanding.

To me, these two things are frightening developments that do not bode well for anybody over the next three years.

There is no way that individually you can defend yourself in this kind of world except to belong to local communities of like-minded people. Swami Chatanananda is building such a community in Portland, a self-defense, self-contained spiritual community, because he sees the chaos that is coming.

I want to talk about these things, but also about the spiritual state of each of my students and my self as we join in sharing Shakti in and open hearted way.


22 May 2019

It is so remarkable I feel now that my health is beginning to return. My bladder is no longer spastic, my peeing no longer painful, my gut no longer so bloated with constipation, my wheezing from infectious bronchitis abating. Even during the time though, that I was distracted by all the ills of my body, I was still aware that I was not the body or the thinking about the body or worries about the body. I was still aware of myself as spirit, entirely separate from the entirety of the manifestation of materiality.

However yesterday I began feeling a new delight. As the pain distractions he eased, as I sat quietly in my recliner, I felt the most gentle breath of God which appeared as a cool, translucent fire extending from the floor to the ceiling which entirely engulfed me in the room and lifted my gentle spirit up in feather arms of bliss. These cooling translucent waves flowed back and forth like the entire room was on fire with the breath of God, so light, so restful, so relaxing and accepting, so loving in its gentle touch and support. And now I feel this gentle breath in me and around me all the time as a movement of energy that does not interact with this body but is only with me as spirit.

If only I could better convey directly to my students the bliss I feel now or even the most basic God realization that I felt when I was very ill. Even that was worth a thousand pieces of gold. No treasure of this earth can touch the breath of God I am feeling at all times now.

19 May 2019

I am still distracted by multiple medical symptoms mentioned last week. But I encourage our Sangha to meet at Satsang as usual, speak to each other or be silent.
11 AM, Arizona time (Same as California daylight time now)
Link: https://zoom.us/j/2950292557?status=success

11 May 2019

LIVE SATSANG ONLINE, 11 AM, Arizona time (Same as California daylight time now)
I teach how to transmute human love and sexual desire into divine love and total surrender leading to God-realization. But this same process can be used to overcome depression, loss of interest in the world and similar sorts of psychic paralysis. It is dualistic, regaining interest in and love of life. It is all about relearning how to feel.

07 May 2019

Something wonderful is happening in our sangha

Something wonderful is now happening in our sangha: my students are waking each other up with their deep love and attachment as well as expressions of this love. My students are becoming teachers, and they do not even realize it.

Our sangha is now filled with many brave and deep souls who feel the divine stirring in them as both deep emotions and as Shakti. Emotions are made of Shakti, and when we can begin to feel deep and powerful emotions clearly, they begin to dissolve into their components of Shakti, increasing a person’s sense of bliss and love. Love pervades our sangha now and more and more people are feeling deep emotional awakenings as well as precursor experiences to God realization.

I myself have had a deeper realization of the teachings I have been passing on for the past nine years, and that is that deep devotional love along with accompanying sexual desire can lead to God realization by the transmutation of our human love into divine love which opens us to a new dimension of living where we are taken out of the mundane into the life divine.

I was made even more aware of this after Satsang this past Sunday. I was sitting in my easy chair doing nothing when suddenly a vision of a beautiful woman came to me. She was no one I ever met, or have seen in person. I cannot even describe her features now. But she looked at me in a way that startled me and broke my heart open. She looked at me with wide eyes and total attention with the biggest smile of acceptance and recognition, like she had known me all of her life and we met after years of separation. I felt immediate deep love and instant surrender. I just wanted to fall to her feet in complete surrender.

Besides this complete heart opening, I felt a strong sexual desire in my body which moved and merged with the openhearted love I felt. I had been swept out of the mundane world and into the world of the divine in a way like never before. The love and sexual feeling transmuted, becoming ever more subtle, yet at the same time more powerful. It was like a feeling I had never felt before of utter rest in the divine, God. My body was ecstatic in a new and deeper way feeling a completed sexual desire and resting in my love. Now I recognized in the deepest way the truth I had been preaching now for years, that within the everyday act of love between two humans, romantic love, there are adumbrations of the divine which normally are never felt.

That is, there is a deep spiritual aspect of every romantic connections between two human souls that mostly goes unrecognized because people easily become lost in a much more mundane level of sexuality and human relational love with images of cuddling and romance.  These are roles that are marked by clear boundaries, and clear goals of matrimony and other associated images and ideals.

But hidden within every romantic relationship, if you rise above focusing on sexual aspects and images of companionship and cuddling, there is a dimension of the divine which is almost always missed unless we are fortunate and it becomes the primary focus of attention during the romance. If we focus on the divine aspect, of opening our hearts and minds completely to another, in really holy matrimony, we leave the dimension of humanity and enter into the heart of God within ourselves, then our lives are entirely transformed. We have become the self, Atman, and also God, Brahman, simultaneously.

Both love and sex in the highest spheres are manifestations of the most esoteric aspects of the spiritual lives which we are. They are not to be denigrated as merely human, or offensive, and rejected as not spiritual. In fact, they are the heart of spirituality.

Then this vision disappeared. She was no more. I had been visited by the heart of femininity, the archetype female aspect of love. It was a vision to confirm what I have been teaching. I was left with the sure knowledge that what I had been teaching is more profoundly true than even I had known. Now my students are learning this directly from each other. Their love for each other is palpable and transformative because they focus on the divine within our sangha relationships.

04 May 2019

LIVE SATSANG ONLINE, 11 AM, Arizona time (Same as California daylight time now)

Link: https://zoom.us/j/2950292557?status=success

I teach how to transmute human love and sexual desire into divine love and total surrender leading to God-realization. But this same process can be used to overcome depression, loss of interest in the world and similar sorts of psychic paralysis. It is dualistic, regaining interest in and love of life. It is all about relearning how to feel.

03 May 2019


Kali has an extremely rare and very aggressive type of cancer known as chloangiosarcoma growing out of the bile ducts in her liver. The usual lifespan after diagnosis is one to six months.  The mass was surgically removed along with the left lobe of her liver on Match 26, with a 99% success. But there were cancer cells seen to the margin which abutted the main liver artery.

Kali responded very well to surgery, and within a week was running around, jumping and climbing like a kitten.  She ate well too and gained weight.

After a consult with her oncologist, Kali had her first chemotherapy session on April 23, where she was given carboplatin which she tolerated well  until she developed signs of a urinary infection a week later, likely due to repressed immune system from the chemo.

Actually, I was surprised the oncologist recommended because the research I did prior to our appointment indicated chemo was largely, if not entirely ineffective on this form of cancer, but chemo treatment was the only topic she raised.

After we got Kali home I did more research and found that carboplatin showed some ability to slow the cancer in only 17 to 36% in humans, with no studies indicating effectiveness in cats.  I eventually found three studies that said treatment showed it was totally ineffective at slowing the cancer or prolonging her life.

So, two days ago we attempted to contact our former holistic vet who treated our cat Sweetie, who lived 14 months beyond her expected death time.  We are awaiting consult.

I know many people have recommended CBD oil, but all beneficial claims are all anecdotal—individuals claiming success without mentioning the failures of the oil.  There are absolutely no studies on the effectiveness of CBD oil on treating chloangiosarcoma either in humans or animals.  I am sure none will be available on any treatment Dr. Pasternak suggests either, but at least his suggestions will flow from 25 years of treating cancers in dogs and cats.

I have to say Kali has never been more affectionate and loving than now.  All the weird symptoms of anxiety she had displayed are gone.  The only meds she is taking now is to help bring down her high liver enzyme levels.

Kali is one of the most loved cats ever treated at Midwestern University where she had her surgery and chemo.  Everyone loved her and played with her, and remarking how loving and playful she was.

Kerima and I are both depressed.  This is the first time I have really felt depression in 22 years since my cat Gopi died, also of cancer.  I also feel entirely lonely in this, and almost entirely mundane.  The feeling inside myself where I usually met God, the life force, has changed. Usually it feels like a heart joining with white light and a friendly, gentle energy. 

Now it is no longer white, and is a swollen gray, with an entirely depressed inner feeling. I am surprised that God can be sad also.

I would have more new photos of Kali. But since we moved, I cannot find ANY of my photo equipment.  I only have an iPad now for photos.