26 May 2016


Dear Edji, Namaskar to you,

As the sinking into the self continues the energy movement is increasing. I get shots of bliss . It's like a gush of pure bliss runs through me and I am drowned in it. It's exactly like going in the deep waters of the ocean. This happens in the formal meditation and it happens few times. Like waves it comes. Then I pose the question of who is experiencing .

Today when I was posing the question it just happened like some one has shot me in my heart area and there is huge whole and I can see the other side..also the same thing I am sensing in the third eye too. All I feel this vast empty golden light filled space and I go its edge and it expands. There is no up or down. These are the experiences of the formal meditation.

Now during the waking state the emotions are running high. I am experiencing all types of emotions. Anger, irritation,sadness(no reason but tears are there). But the awareness is so sharp that the attention moves to the feeling of the emotion and it is vanishing like a vapour. This is happening all the time. The surrender to the energy which is doing the play is continuous . The trust that whatever is unfolding in this physical world it is happening on its own and the ego ' I ' which used to claim that I have done this or that is very minimum. Because the moment it arises the attention goes there to take care of it..

Edji I do hope that your guidance and blessings will continue ..and help me in this journey.


Ed's Reply: This is the becoming Brahma state or knowledge. It is filled with knowledge and bliss, Satchitananda. Some readers want to go beyond this immediately, but you cheat yourself if you do. You definitely want to know all about your Manifest Self, before going beyond. In fact, I don;t see how you can go beyond the bliss state until you absorb it completely.

Also, notice this person is experiencing a massive movement of upwelling emotions as part of the process of abiding in the I Am sense, and how open he it to it, and how the emotions are dissipated and absorbed into the I Am.

25 May 2016


You awaken in the morning and suddenly you are aware that you are, that you exist.  At the same time you become aware of your body lying in bed, and you hear noises in the room and from outside: birds, cars, people, airplanes.
What has happened is that consciousness has arisen and it is that consciousness that knows it exists, perceives your body and the world.  You body is a perception in you--consciousness.

All that you know is in this consciousness:  thr world, your body, your mind, and the sense I Am, I exist.  The room that you see around you is in your consciousness. Robert and Ramana would say it has no existence independently outside of your consciousness, because consciousness is all that exists.

You are the totality of Manifest consciousness. Your body, your mind, you separate sense of individuality are all objects within the totality of the manifest universe created by your consciousness.  With this you realize you are the totality of consciousness, and with this comes more and more discoveries of the nature of consciousness.

It is complete and self-contained. In it is bliss and knowledge of your existence.  Your sense of individuality is only something observed in the totality of your consciousness.  Dwell there iin consciousness as consciousness,  You are not your body and not your mind.

This is step one, the recognition that you are Brahman.

23 May 2016

A Little Bit More Information on Robert's Talks

I wanted to clear up an issue that caused some people to have problems understanding Robert.

Robert was not always consistent when speaking about our deepest identity. He was always clear that we are not our bodies nor our minds.

But when it came to Consciousness he spoke in differing ways.
He began almost every other Satsang by saying, "You do not exist," or, "You are nothing at all." He did not say that the person you think you are does not exist, or the ideas you have of who or what you are does nt exist. He said, "You do not exist,: which is far deeper and more powerful.

At other times he spoke as if you had existence, but not a human existence, stating your true self (so to speak), was Satchitananda (existence/knowledge/bliss), or Brahman (God), or consciousness (as seen from his perspective). You might say this is the Manifest aspect of your existence, what I call the Manifest Self, with its sense of self-recognition, sense of presence, knowledge of the I-Am, knowledge of one's bliss and energy body.

This is the carrot side of his teachings, getting to bliss, supreme knowledge, and peace.

The other side though, is that all of this Consciousness arises from and is observed by that which has no existence, is before or beyond existence, before the I Am, before or beyond Consciousness.
Knowledge itself is part of Consciousness. Consciousness is that which brings us sense data, which Robert would call "apparent" data, because for him, any appearance in Consciousness was unreal, just a constant flowing of forms, including our bodies and our minds.

About Consciousness itself, Robert varied. Rarely he stated who you are lay beyond or before Consciousness. At other times he said Consciousness was all that there was. These are not contradictory. Indeed, Consciousness is all that exists, all that is, but he is also quite clear when he says, "You do not exist." That is, what you are in the deepest sense is beyond existence, beyond the Manifest body and Universe.

But Robert was really wary of doubling down on the message that you were nothing, and often said you were something, such as Satchitananda or Brahman, which are experiential. Bliss is experienced. Knowledge occurs in consciousness, while nothingness is not self aware, nothingness is aware of Consciousness, and Consciousness is self-aware of itself, and that is what we identify with, bodies and minds existing in Consciousness.

And that consciousness arises spontaneously in us when we awaken in the morning, and passes away when we sleep, passing into nothingness. This allws us to gradually understand that what we are lies before or beyond Consciousness. That is, we as the Absolute, the unborn, lies deep within, and Consciousness arises within that, and blossus forth as I and the world.

As Robert says, the highest teachings are in silence, for you are before the first thought or first word arises.

22 May 2016


Robert used to say, "You are beyond the body, you are beyond the mind. He would also say "You are the witness of these."  Robert used the term "beyond" meaning you are apart from body, mind, consciousness.  Nisargadatta used another term, indicating you are "prior to" mind, body, world.  Both emphasize that your real nature has nothing to do with the world, your body, or your mind.

Think about it.

You can observe the external world with your senses.  You can see your body from the outside or in a mirror.  You can feel your body from the inside. You can watch your mind.  

In meditation you can find the inner Void or emptiness.  You can look outside into the world and see the space between all objects, and also watch them change through time.  You can witness your own sense of existence and your sense of presence and your inner energies that make up the Manifest Self.

In other words, you can observe the entirety of consciousness, but you cannot observe yourself, for you are not in consciousness.  You are beyond it or before it.  You can only step backwards so to speak, and be the witness watching the world, your body, your thoughts and emotions.  True, consciousness is all there there is, but you don't exist, as Robert said, you are beyond existence, beyond space and time, beyond consciousness.

My only difficulty with Robert's teachings is that most people will never get it because they never have had a great experience of themselves as the Manifest Self, as the I Am made large into a deep experience of the totality of consciousness, and as such they cannot move beyond it.

Many people gravitated to Robert because they were miserable, suffering, torn by emotions, loss, or confused and just wanted out of life's struggles.  But without the blissful experiences of knowing well the bliss of consciousness, the full sense of separate existence, and knowledge of consciousness, they could not go beyond it.


You can watch yourself waking up in the morning.  First there is darkness. Then there is awareness without thought or words, or even the world or self.  Then you come fully alive because you remember where you are in bed and what is happening in your life.

This final state is the arising of the I Am sense that you exist, and simultaneously, you are aware of the existence of the world.

Robert says seek the source of the I-thought.  If you carefully watch your awakening, the source lies in what Robert calls the "gap," that brief period of time that awareness arises, a state without thought or mind, and from which arises the sense of I and of Am, I exist. 

Simultaneously arises the awareness of a separate world.
Now, if you sit in meditation, or quietly in a chair or while lying in bed, you can be simultaneously aware of both the I Am sense, and the world,  They are both watched as "objects" by the watcher.  You  are aware there is a witness watching both the I Am and the world of objects embedded in space, and changing through time.

However, because the waking and I Am appear to happen within the body, and the world appears to be observed as existing outside the body.  But if you are quiet and do not think or label, you will recognize that not only are you aware of the I Am as separate from the witness, but so too obviously is the observed world.  We do not take the world to be us.  But exactly in the same way, we can observe and also feel the (our) bodies as being objects no different from the I Am sensation and the external world.

So, what do we realize from this? We realize that the Witness is separate from the observed existence of the body, the world, and the I Am sensation, and all of that observed consciousness is added onto it.

This is why Robert says you do not exist and that the world is unreal.  Both the I Am and the world come and go. 

Consciousness comes and goes; it arises and subsides. 

Consciousness is just temporary and changeable, and we are separate from it, witnessing it.  Only the witness does not change, yet it is Consciousness itself that understands and articulates that Consciousness is only temporary and unreal. 

It arises, and from it comes the sense of I, of separate existence, and the world, both at the same time.

Play with this understanding. Lie in bed each morning and watch the coming and going of consciousness.  Noting that you are watching the coming and going of consciousness. 

Then notice that you are aware of the coming and going of consciousness, and therefore you are not consciousness, your body, or the world, or the mind.

16 May 2016


I was with Robert for six years before I had my first two awakening experiences described in detail on the website http://www.wearesentience.com/my-experiences.html

These experiences conformed exactly to Robert’s teachings.
The first was the experience of the disappearance of a sense of self.  The was only unity Consciousness with no center and no separate self.  All was created by mind, including the I-thought.

The second occurred a few weeks later when I awakened but did not feel any different than when I was asleep.  The was me, and I could not observe myself, but I was, and the states of Consciousness, awake, sleep, and dream, came to me and passed over without me being touched.  I had nothing to do with Consciousness.

For 15 years I dwelled in this truth, this understanding until early 2010 when I had a third awakening to what I called the Manifest Self, also known as Atman, the incarnation of the divine into the human form.  I felt God within my energetic body and within my sense of presence.  God was I Am, and there was a center of light, energy, love located deeply within.  For six years I have taught about the Manifest Self and its strong urge to manifest the life force in the world.

But that urge has weakened in me during the last year, and have been having “flashes” of a different kind of awakening more similar to my no self, no-Consciousness awakening under Robert.  In these experiences my mind knows nothing. I become dumb as a rock as I have been urging all of you, and gradually the Manifest World and my body disappears into nothingness and I experience the most profound peace imaginable.

Had I not had the awakening of the Manifest Self six years ago, the flashes I am having today would not have been possible.  Knowing myself as the Godhead, as embodied Shakti, as bliss and love for five solid years proved enough. 

The experience of the I Am sensation is still present, and still 100 times stronger than before awakening the Atman six years ago, but still it’s captivation has lessened. Six years ago I shouted about my bliss and the dancing, powerful energies that coursed within and around my body and sense of presence.  I felt huge and powerful moving hand in hand with Shakti, Mother Kali.  But the wonder of it all is leaving, slowly.  It is still there, but hollow compared to  two or three years ago. The light of Consciousness is always there, but my presence now feels more hollow, filled and hollowed by emptiness.

Then all begins to collapse, the entire field of Consciousness, not into space, but into Nothingness, and the greatest peace ever, that is so deep that it brings a different kind of bliss, so subtle, so soothing, and so close to nothingness, beingless.

Thus when I talk about Robert’s teachings and what he was like, it comes from having been with him for eight years, awakening under him, then spending 15 years sort of adrift in emptiness, until finally Shakti showed me what Consciousness was all about, the Manifestation of God and the life force in the world.

I notice now that I don’t want anything, at least not as before. Now I am approaching a time of being able to embrace Robert at his own level without the distraction of the impulsive life force.

09 May 2016


Robert used to say, "Be aware of the arising of the I when you awaken." It comes from nothingness and returns to nothingness each day.

If you can just stay in that twilight state when you first awaken, stabilize there, and then go back and forth between sleep and waking, you will experience that there is "something" that is aware of the comings and goings of Consciousness.  It is not really a thing, but a "behind" state from  which all other states of Consciousness arise. Every morning your Consciousness is born out of nothingness.

Meditators also go through this state of the disappearance of Consciousness and its reappearance,  and thereby become aware that they ultimately are the witness of its coming and going.  Then yu can learn how to rest in the Witness state even while you experience body and mind, but there will be no words or thoughts there, only the deepest and most incredible peace.

07 May 2016

Robert's Secret Teaching

Here is a secret.

Robert always talked in Satsang that Consciousness is everything and that no one exists as an individual. 
But if you look at the complete book of his transcripts, you'll see one Satsang entitled Prior to Consciousness.  Only one, although he hints at it at other times.

He told me privately that he had to be careful what he said--jokingly I hope--"people would kill me."  He felt that people were not ready to hear that they were not only did not exist as the mental stories we tell ourselves about who and what we are but we are also not the I Am, God, Consciousness.  

In fact, during that Satsang, he talked about being prior to Consciousness and was nearly yelled down by one person who yelled there can't be anything before Consciousness, because his understand was that Consciousness was everything. How can there be a prior to?

Ultimately we are absolute nothingness that does not know itself.  Consciousness is the the "telescope" by which we know ourselves, but Nothingness lies before, ontologically prior to Consciousness, and therefore we cannot know Nothingness. 

Robert usually taught just one that one level: realizing that you are not a person only; that part of you is ephemeral and dies.  But you are also the "I Am" sensation, God, Consciousness, which Hidus refer to as the godhead located in the incarnated human.  But then he often talked about also being Brahman, that which lies "above" or prior to the individuated godhead of Atman, Satchitananda, and not explaining that this is altogether apart from Consciousness, which we witness and identify with as objects within Consciousness.

Yes, you are altogether beyond the world, beyond God, but without Consciousness that witness knows nothing anymore, nt even itself.  Yet out of this Nothingness will pop a new sentient being somewhere in the manifest universe, forming a new POV by which the Absolute can witness its manifestation.

This is not so hard to believe now that cosmologists hold that the physical universe popped out of Nothingness.  Before the Big Bang there was nt ever spece.  The Big Bang creating of matter and energy created both space and time.  But Nothingness is the bed from which the universe was created.

08 April 2016

Talk, talk, talk, talk. God, spirit, insentient body, I, I-Am, me, you, non-dual, dualistic, peace, love, Satchitananda, Subtle Body, Causal Body, Shakti, bliss, Kundalini, Chakras, Advaita versus Kashmir Shaivism, Buddhism, emptiness, the Void, the Absolute, Ramana, Robert Adams, Papaji, teachings, meditation, samadhi, sahaj samadhi, Gunas, praktriti, purusha, self-realization, enlightened one, jnani, ajnani, Krishnamurti, karma, ego, mind, no mind--a bewildering array of mostly empty concepts entertaining the mind of the seeker. Can you not see that it would take a dozen years just to understand what all these concepts mean, let alone know if any were "true?"

Drop the talk, look and feel inside, and just be who you are without any understanding.

Seeking "correct" understanding is not spirituality. It is "spiritual" entertainment.

Some of that entertainment can be awesome, but most is just perplexing, arguing about which guru was right, forcing Ramana down someone's throat, referring to quotes of Nisargadatta to settle everything.

All are caught in the network of thought, or thinking about spiritual attaining.

Shut the fuck up, turn your attention towards yourself, and then become yourself.

No need to borrow all these silly ass concepts from dead gurus from ancient and dead cultures.

Be the expert on your own self, not an excellent reciter of Ramana's thousand concepts and quotes. You are lost, caught in the thought nets of a thousand dead guides.

Do yourself a favor and leave it all alone.

Turn your attention to your own self, and with vigor just be that which you find, not a Nisargadatta parrot.

Also, no matter how beautiful, soft, or welcoming Robert's words are, they are his truth, or as he put it, his confession. Make your own truth from you, not by bringing Robert;s concepts into you. What is your own confession?

What I have found for myself, is that I keep moving, expanding, contracting, knowing, not knowing, never the same from moment to moment. Even this statement is wrong.

05 April 2016


Marie, 2013 at old Safeway site
When I left Northridge (L.A. Suburb) and moved to Phoenix, I left care of my four feral cat colonies with 22 cats to my long-time friend and fellow colony manager, Marie Schuckles.  I have worked with Marie since 2003 helping tend to the thousands of homeless street cats in the San Fernando Valley.  Marie takes care of nearly 30 feral cat colonies in the Northridge area numbering around 150 cats.  I have made monthly contributions to Marie to provide for the cats I left behind as well as for her own, just as I did when living in Los Angeles.  Most the cats I have at home are from the streets of Northridge or Santa Monica.

Marie at old Safeway
 location 2013
But Marie, aged 69 and mostly retired, has informed me that she is ill.  Doctors discovered a large mass in her uterus, and she needs to undergo a total hysterectomy, which will put her out of operation for two to three months.  She is soliciting other caretakers to cover her (and mine) cat colonies while she is off work and recovering.  But colony managers tend to be poor, and these caretakers need money for food and medications while Marie heals to care for her 150 cats.

A dozen cats a few blocks South of Plummer,

I find it amazing that the poorest people, those who have the least materially, are the one’s wealthiest in compassion and hands-on caretaking.  They most clearly feel the lives and problems of others, both human, but especially animals.

These two are located at the first colony I managed.
These are second generation males and now in good shape.

I am asking you to help Marie and her interim caretakers by sending some funds for the next three months to:

Marie Schuckles

8860 Corbin  Ave, #276

Northridge, CA   91324  

Two cats at doughnut shop on Reseda

Parking lot $1 store, Reseda Blvd near CSUN
These were Jimmy's cats when he lived on the railroad tracks in Northridge.  Police and security harassed him, jailed him, and destroyed his camp.  Marie and I had to sneak in very late, as police were stationed there to prevent us feeding them. Eventually all were trapped and relocated to an indoor setting.
A large Furr Ball that showed up by a group of 3 feeding by wall of an apartment house building. The owner eventually discovered, harassed me, and threw the cat food away. Had to move feeding station elsewhere, but not all cats accounted for.

02 April 2016

My Clearest Statement of Robert's Teachings

If you really want to understand Robert, and to be in the state that Robert was all the time, and from which he spoke the truth about being a Jnani, you have to travel a very difficult path of becoming nothing.  You have to become Nada, nothing, not knowing anything, being entirely stupid, uneducated, not understanding, and thus not living through the filter and activities of mind.

This is the most difficult path imaginable for highly educated people that have always depended on their minds for their careers, for making day-to-day decisions about what to buy or wear, to planning once future regarding directions and finances, or to satiate for many, and insatiable desire to know things, and to do things.

Many of us are driven to do things.  Our minds are always fixated on hotly utilize resources present for any potential end or goal.  Others, like me when I was young, have an undying thirst for knowledge, whether about science, economics, or self understanding, either of the garden-variety found in psychology, or the much deeper Self found in Advaita Vedanta, or Kashmir Shaivism.  But that is searching itself is done by and through the mind, through directed attention, through analysis of phenomena or states of mind, and as such does not take us deeper into our more fundamental sense of Self that is deeper than mind.

Robert always talked about the mind as being your enemy.  At other times he said, “your mind is not your friend.”  Yet people always listen to this through the mind, and made this an understanding, rather than taking it as a direct invitation to stop thinking.

Robert over and over, repeated his advice to stop thinking.  He proposed methods of meditation, mantra, self inquiry, chanting, the I am meditation, etc., all with the aim of getting the mind to stop.


Because when the mind stops, when thinking is no longer present directing attention, compartmentalizing our perceived world, dividing it into objects, subjects, seeing versus seeing, the witness versus the witnessed, something truly wonderful happens.  All divisions disappear.  The I am ceases to exist separate from everything else.  Even the space that appears to separate us from the world disappears.  There are no separate phenomena which we can call the world.  There is no longer a separate self which exist within the world.  And from this point of view, we see that what we formally considered the world is an illusion created by an active and projecting mind.

Our fundamental beingness, the so-called ‘gap’ between thoughts, or which exists the first thing in the morning before the sense of I ascends into the brain, is a state prior to I, prior to I am, prior to I am experiencing the world.  There are no thoughts here, and there is no knowingness here.  There is simply awareness, and not an awareness of what, because here there is neither an I, nor a world.  Neither have come into existence, and will not come into existence, until the mind, the sense of I am, arises into the brain, and then, at that moment, the world appears, and I appear.  Prior to this arising of the mind, which suddenly imposes a map of the world, a way of knowing, there is no thinking, no I know world.

One can call the state the original ignorance, the original not-knowing, or the original state prior to a consciousness of the world and self.  This is the state prior to consciousness.  This is the state of awareness prior to consciousness.  About this state nothing can be said because it is prior to mind.  Anything that the mind creates exists at an entirely different level from this pure awareness state.

All of Robert’s instructions, all of his methods, are directed to be able to rest in the snow mind state, prior to the world-consciousness, prior to the I am.

Both Robert and Nisargadatta, and Ramada, all agree that the gateway to this pure consciousness lies through focusing on and abiding in the I am consciousness, the sense that I exist, that I am alive.  By so abiding, one enters into Christ consciousness, or Krishna consciousness, which is the deepest level of the Manifest Self of energy, bliss, knowingness, and existence.  This is what Robert calls Satchitananda.  This is the state of pure knowingness.  However, even prior to that, is the pure state of not knowing, of simply being, and not being separate, not being a witness, not being the witnessed.  Simply being aware, and not aware of anything or of anyone.

Ultimately the states are “seen” and also understood to be one and the same.  The unknowing beingness, and the I am of Turiya, are ultimately recognized to be one.

But to reach this state of completion, we have to pass through the waking state, the dream state, both of which contain the I am sensation, and enter the causal state of not knowing anything, of being unaware of anything, and finally into the Turiya state of existence/knowledge/bliss, before piercing to the state of pure awareness prior to the mind superimposing a world an individual self onto this pure awareness.

Now, most importantly, Robert states why should you believe him that this indeed is the truth?  He asks, “who am I that you should believe me?”

Thus Robert throws everything back on to you.  He confesses his own direct experience, and says it is his experience.  But he says, for this to be true for you, you have to have your own experience of the truth of his confession.  Before that, if you hold on to what Robert is saying, it is purely a belief system for you, and just another level of ignorance added onto the ignorance that is the world superimposed by your mind onto your basic beingness state.

So when you repeat Robert’s words over and over, without experiencing the truth by your own direct seeing on to all four levels of Self, as well as that which rise prior to Self, which Robert calls True-Self, you are only adding ignorance onto the fundamental ignorance you already have that is the world and your personal self.  To truly enter the gap, to enter the awareness-only state, you have to become dumb as a rock, you have to become unknowing, innocent, comfortable in being stupid, because intelligent, and educated, are your enemies, as they are vaunted attributes of mind.

21 March 2016


Robert Adams, October 10, 1991

Sages have told us that if we can remove the I-thought, we'll have a different picture of everything. Everything will disappear in this world. For everything is contained in the I-thought and as far as I'm concerned the easiest way to do this is to inquire from where the I-thought comes. Can anything be easier?

Just finding out where the I-thought came from will remove all of your problems you ever had. Will set you free. It's all you have to do. Spend your spare time asking yourself where the I- thought came from. Can anything be simpler? "Where did the I-thought come from?" There is no answer to that question because the answer is in the ssilence of your spiritual heart.

Therefore follow the I-thought to it's source in the spiritual heart. The spiritual heart is consciousness, absolute reality, God, nirvana, sat-chit-ananda, Brahman. As the I- thought is dissolved in the spiritual heart you become your Self, simple. All you've got to do right now is to do it, and you will be free.


All things are created by mind. The mind superimposes images and form onto the underlying screen of Consciousness. The world and body, as well as the sense of I are illusions cast by mind. 

Mind is just a conglomeration of thoughts. Thoughts do not exist in themselves; they are temporary pointers and form creators and have no autonomous existence of their own. 

Thoughts create temporary forms in Consciousness and are Consciousness. These forms also have no existence of their own.  They impose imaginal distictions onto the pure, infinite, formless, lighted emptiness that is Consciousness. 

This is my confession.  You must have your own experience.

You are not a thing.  You are not a thought. You have no existence as a subject or as an object, except as an illusion imposed by thinking and the mind. What you are cannot be known by mind or spoken of by mind.

If you follow the I-thought or I thread to its source, the I disappears, leaving you as the underlying, formless, empty, lighted space of Consciousness. To follow the I,  you must dive deeply into yourself, deeply into the silence of your spiritual heart.

There you cannot say what I is, Self is, world is, for all answers would be words and words totally miss the point. In silence there is no truth, no existence or non-existence. There you are uncreated, unborn, formless, and at peace beyond any understanding.

Only when the mind is entirely still, silent, does a different existence become revealed as you. Iin this stillness there is no you, no world, no separation, no unity, no now, no past or future, no movement or time at all.  Just unadulterated existence, awareness of it, and unalloyed happiness.

To get there you need to find the I am, love your Self, worship your Self, and all will be revealed.

19 March 2016

The Collected Works of Robert Adams
Brief Quotes from Transcript 1

You Must Have Your Own Experience
3rd August, 1990

Robert: I welcome you with all my heart.

This body does not presume that it has anything new to teach you. I will refer to this body as I, to make it short. I have nothing new to tell you. I am not a philosopher. I am not a preacher. I am not worthy. I simply have a confession. I confess to you, your own reality. It is not a teaching it's a confession. I am speaking to my Self confessing and you are my Self.

You are sat-chit-ananda — knowledge, existence and bliss. You are not the body or the mind. What you appear to be is not the truth, it may be a fact but it is not the truth. A fact is something that appears to be true but it changes.

You cannot be who you think you are for when you were a baby, you were quite different. And when you were a little boy or a little girl you were also different. And the way you are now is completely different than you were before. Consequently how can you be the body? What are you? Who are you? Sat-chit-ananda? What's that?

Even if I tell you this, it means absolutely nothing. You must have your own experience. You mustn't believe a word I say. Why should you believe me? What do I know? I am simply confessing to you that there is only para-Brahman, consciousness, bliss, being, awareness, pure intelligence. This has been my experience. There is nothing else.

Everything else is an experience of the mind, an appearance, like hypnosis. The world seems real, so does a dream.

What is this world? It's as if you just woke up from your dream and you still remember the dream. In the dream you were going places, getting married, having children, getting older then you wake up and you halfway remember the dream and halfway remember the world in which you wake up. So which one is real, the world or the dream? It has been my experience that they're both alike. There is no real difference. You attach yourself to this world, in the same way you attach yourself in your dream.

You have to let go mentally of all conditioning, of all objectivity. And you must still your mind. Make your mind placid, like a motionless lake.

Then reality comes of its own accord. Happiness comes of its own accord. Peace comes of it own accord. Love comes of its own accord. Freedom comes of its own accord. These things are synonymous. They happen without you ever thinking about them. But first you must get rid of the notion, that I am the body, or mind, or the doer and then everything will happen by itself.

Be still and know that I am God.

The point is this: It's not what you say. It's not what you proclaim. It's what's deep, deep, deep in your heart that determines what happens to you. It's not reading books, it's not studying, it's not going to classes. It's sitting by yourself, becoming quiet, going deeper and deeper within yourself. Transcending your mind and your body until something happens.

When thoughts come to you, you simply ask yourself, "To whom do these thoughts come? From whence cometh these thoughts," follow the thoughts to their source.

Find out the source of your thoughts. You will find that the source of your thoughts is I. Follow the I-thread to its source by asking, "Who am I?" or "What is the source of I? Where did this I come from?" You will realize that the pronoun I, is the first word that was ever
spoken and everything else is attached to I. Every other word. Every other thought, every other feeling, every other emotion, they're all attached to the I. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel sick. I feel well. I feel poor, I feel rich. Everything is attached to I. If the I becomes dissolved, so does everything else and you become free.

Find out for whom there is an I and you will discover something amazing. You will discover that I never existed. There never was an I. You will discover that you never existed. There's no such thing as you. You will discover that you are the imperishable Self. 

That you are never born and you can never die. You will discover that you're omnipresence, omniscient, omnipotent. That there are no others. There is no world. There is no universe. There is no God. There is only the Self. All this is the Self. All that you behold is the Self and "I-am" is that. This will give you a feeling of freedom, of bliss, of happiness.

You will not lose your awareness.

When I speak these things people believe that they become completely annihilated and there's nothing left. They melt into the great ocean of nirvana. This is not necessarily true. You will always be awareness. You will always be pure intelligence for that is your real nature. You will always be blissful. Except you will understand that you are not who you appear to be.

Your body will still appear to be doing things, going through its motions. You will appear to be an ordinary person but you will know. You have lifted yourself up above the gross world into the heavenly world of pure consciousness and you will be at peace.


As Robert expressed above, this too is exactly my experience.  There are two aspects: the I-thought and the I sensation, or the sense of I-Am.

The I-thought is the lynchpin that holds together your personal network of thought that creates the world you appear to live in.  Once you "discover," or "awaken" to the fact that the I-thought does not pont to anything, that entire network shatters, disappears, and you are left in emptiness.  The world disappears along with the I, and 'you' discover yourself as something entirely different from what you thought you were.

My own experience of the non-existence of either the I-thought or the I sensation occurred to me while taking a shower and is described along with other experiences on the website http://wearesentience.com/my-experiences.html.

Briefly I will describe here my own first experience of the truth of Robert's teachings.

One morning, I returned from my morning walk, which that day seemed especially invigorating, and took a shower. I felt unusually relaxed; the warm water was incredibly inviting. Feeling the water's delightful touch on my back, I looked within, into the inner emptiness of Consciousness, trying to see if I could find whom it was who experienced the water's touch. I had done this observation thousands of times before, in thousands of different circumstances, seeking the 'I' who was the experiencer and never finding it, yet clinging still to the notion I was an I, a person.

This time, like all the others, there was nothing there, only a vast inner emptiness that contained everything: the kinesthetic sensations of moving arms, back and neck muscles, the touch of the water, the sound of it's spray, and a few thoughts, but mostly there was a silent emptiness that felt inviting and full. I saw no one, no thing, no I, there at all for the ten thousandth time, but this time, God knows why, it was different. The reality of 'no-one' sank in! There was no person, no one experiencing the water's touch. There was no one home, so to speak. There was just the touch of water, the feeling of my feet against the bottom of the shower. My hands were touching my back and neck, putting on soap, but there was no one experiencing any of this. There was just experience happening in awareness.

Briefly, I felt intense fear. The fear was, "Who is watching the store?" I felt, or better, there was a feeling of insecurity, because no one was there to protect and control. All that there was, was experiencing, happening in Consciousness.

All the air left my lungs, almost as if it had been knocked out of me, and I relaxed. Years of tension drained out of me. I did not breathe for what seemed like minutes. There was no need to breathe. There was no me, no I to pump up anymore, so my body just relaxed and deflated.

My mind (actually, 'the' mind since there was no I) became utterly still. No thoughts, no special attention to any one thing, just the grand, silent, all-pervading emptiness, illuminated by the inner light of Consciousness, and which contained all experience. My mind was gone.

I felt too weak to stand up, so I dried myself off and laid down on a couch to explore the inner-ness from the viewpoint of the discovery that I had no I, no me, no personal self. With the utter mental silence, 'my' Consciousness expanded to fill up the emptiness which was everywhere, rather than remain affixed to the mental chatter that normally exists in the service of the I.

This is what I discovered: The I was not there. There was no central kernel that gave illusory life to me as a person. There never was an I. There had never even been an idea that there was an I, the doer and experiencer; even that was gone. What I had thought to be I, was really I-Am, the sense of presence, of being-ness. But that I-Amness, the presence, the Consciousness contained no point of I, and it never had. 'I' had only been a belief, an idea held tenaciously, that created an apparent experience of I as a person.

When the idea of I died, the whole realm of conceptualization changed and became clear. All other ideas depended on the belief in a separate I, set apart from the rest of the experienced world, and when this duality was exposed as fantasy, so were all other concepts that depended on the I-Other duality.

Looking within, the I-Am-ness, the presence I had called Consciousness, seemed to have a center or source near the heart (of my apparent body); it appeared that Consciousness arose and flowed from this center.  Yet that heart center was only a happening in Consciousness and had nothing to do with the belief in an I as the doer and experiencer. The I-Am, the sense of presence that pervades all inner and outer emptiness and experience has no I as a central core. It really is an Am-ness, not an I-Am-ness. Without an I, there is no not-I within Consciousness. There is only Consciousness, only One. The One contains all experience. All experiences are only modifications of that one Consciousness.

I turned my attention to thoughts, and saw that thoughts just float through Am-ness, as if from outside the body. There is no mind as such, just thoughts passing through Am-ness, beingness. Without an I, the illusory personal center, there is no one to take possession of a thought or desire and to act on it or make it real. The Am-ness has no inclination to participate in the thoughts, and is free of their tyranny. The Am-ness is free to take delivery of a thought briefly, and make it real, such as an idea that I need to do some chore, which may be transformed into action, or it can let the thought or desire pass through, unaccepted.

Thoughts, forms, and imaginations are infinitely changing and moving. They have no permanent existence. They are just modifications within the overflowing process of I-Am. The only reality was Am-ness, which contained all experience, and which was being witnessed. So, I then asked myself, "Who witnesses all this?" The answer came as an inner voice: "No one at all!" I realized there is only witnessing, but with no witness! Just like there was no I to take possession of a desire or thought, there is no witness to take possession of any experience. The idea of the witness, and the apparent experience of the witness, arises from the apparent duality the I-idea creates. When this fundamental duality disappears, so do all the others, including the imagined duality of the witness and the witnessed, the observer and the observed.

However, if there is no witness, then there are no objects to be witnessed. If the I is unreal, everything observed by the I is unreal. You can't have only one half of a duality. If half is unreal, so is its opposite, or else the duality was only apparent. The objects, the body, the mind, the world, are all unreal, only mindstuff, dreams in Consciousness. With no I, and no observed world, there are only happenings within Consciousness, and Consciousness is all that there is― Oneness.

A few moments later came the feeling that even this Consciousness, the sense of presence, of Am-ness is unreal, a kind of visual-auditory-tactile illusion added onto pure silence, pure emptiness. About this time, all the forms, sounds, sights and feelings began to flow together, and I could see their temporary and evanescent nature. There was no I, no world, no body; there was only presence, and even that, I am not. Even the I-Amness, Consciousness, was only mindstuff ― a construct. I am that I-Am only as long as I live in the illusion of Consciousness. Imagination, ideas, and all phenomenal experience were all just mind. The mind does not create the world, the mind is the world; mind is everything. With that I began laughing. What my teacher had said was true, it is all a joke, a tale told by an idiot, implying nothing. Anything said here too is only a conceptualization, mindstuff, therefore a mistake!

The whole experience lasted a few hours, and I eventually returned to a place where a chair was a chair and potato salad was a food. I was different though. I could not find an ‘I’ or even the belief there was an I. That core was gone.

Over the days following the shower experience, other understandings of what the experience of no-I meant became clear. First, all understanding, whatever can be said in words is untrue or misleading. Everything is mindstuff ― everything! Anything said, is said in illusion about illusion. Anything said is a mistake. Mind cannot grasp anything other than itself. It cannot go beyond itself. Conceptions, phenomenality, and what we call dreams, are all made of the same illusory substance.

Second, there was no one to take delivery of 'my' life. It was just being lived. There was no one to take possession of any thought or responsibility. There was no decision maker who willed an intended end. Intentionality, the idea we can conceive of and then create an outcome, was a fraud.

Over the following months the experience widened and deepened. Sometimes the world appeared real, sometimes unreal, sometimes both; but, I understood that these appearances of real or unreal were just judgments added onto the basic illusion of phenomenality and of Consciousness itself. When there is only One, all judgments or knowledge about qualities or parts of the One, such as 'the world was unreal,' or 'that is a car,' are themselves illusory because they are divisive, and there is only One. 

Days and weeks would pass where I felt I was living in a hologram. I felt as if I could see through objects in the world and my own body because my focus was on the emptiness which permeated all things, inside and out. Everything was 'hollow,' insubstantial images and sensations projected onto an underlying empty space of still silence. Sometimes too, I would see an object out of the corner of my eye, an automobile for example, and it would only be half there, like a movie set where only the front existed. Days passed into nights and then into days again with barely the feeling of the passage of time.

The whole process was great fun ― sometimes, seeing the world as empty and insubstantial images changing rapidly through time, without the personal involvement that had formerly made the world seem so real. When I told Robert about the phenomena of half disappearing objects bereft of substantiality, I jokingly asked whether this was part of the awakening process, or an entering into insanity. With wry humor he replied, "They go hand in hand."

A week later, I asked Robert again whether seeing the world as an empty and hollow dream was a temporary state, or something one leaves behind as a passing phase. "It's always like this," he said, waving his hand around the room to include everything. Then he said, "In the end, fundamentally nothing has ever existed, nothing has ever happened."