I have wanted to e-mail you many times, but something has kept me from doing so until now. I wish to update you on my state, but before I do, I want to thank you for your efforts to help seekers find the truth. It is of immeasurable help to be presented with the quality resources that you share on your blog and your site, thank you for your help!
Since reading the Gita and practicing I feel I have come to a better understanding of what the 'I Am' is and have begun the process of trying to stabilize and identify with it. I have inquired into the 'I' thought and conceptually understand that there is no 'I' to whom the world or thoughts appear, however I have yet to have a direct experience of it's fraudulence, and will continue my inquiry until I discover who this 'I' really is, or rather is not. In other words, the world still appears real to me, but I conceptually understand it's transience and thus unreality. I suppose this also means I have not come to the full understanding that I am not the doer.
I hear the silence now, Sir. I understand what people mean by it's 'ringing' or 'humming'. It's always been there.
During meditation I see an amorphous purple shape the seems to ebb and flow as I relax more and more, until my perception seems to pass through it and everything becomes like purple space, which then eventually fades away. I still sense the body, and witness thoughts while this is occurring. What do you make of this state, Sir? It comes unwillingly, but occurs each time I go into meditation. I know it should be ignored as unreal as all things in consciousness are, but I am just curious since it is reoccurring during each sitting.
On a couple of occasions I have felt as if I am going to sleep but still witness thoughts. I am not sure if this is me falling alseep, and because I am focusing on my 'Amness' that I witness thoughts longer before I actually fall asleep, or this state is a more pure experience of 'Amness'. It has come when I haven't really intended to meditate, but just relax. For instance when I lay outside in the Sun sometimes I doze off, but on a couple of occasions a state like I just described has occurred since beginning to practice.
There have also been periods where I feel pressure in my third eye area. Like someone is pushing their finger on my forehead. This sensation has generally come about outside of meditation, but while in silence. One night there was an experience of it before sleep, and it returned the next morning for awhile before I went to work, unwillingly.
I know that this experience, as well as all others are within consciousness, and thus not bringing me any closer to the truth, but this is what I am experiencing since starting my practice.
Also, I am losing interest in my friends and the world. It is happening slowly, but noticeably. I just feel like I do not relate to my friends very much anymore. I am 23 and, like you, graduated with a Philosophy Degree. Most of my current friends only care about partying and dating, while even my smallest ambitions seem to be waning. I used to be driven to be someone or do something - to make a difference, but it seems rather pointless now. If anything I see thoughts of going into the Peace Core, or an NPO, or NGO to help others. Or going to a place like Mt. Baldy and being with Myself in a disciplined and focused setting.
I have almost cut meat entirely from my diet. I used to eat meat daily, but have only eaten it on two occasions since beginning my practice. I love my cats and all other animals equally and the thought of eating another sentient being disturbs me more and more as I progress.
I was wondering, do you know of anyone who holds Satsang in the Phoenix area? I live in Tempe, and am completely unfamiliar. I know that you are well connected in the spiritual world and that your Mother lives in Phoenix (I hope she is doing well), this is why I ask. If not I will seek one out on my own.
Sir, my life has changed forever. The seed has been planted.
Once again thank you very much for your help. I am sorry if this got to be a bit long.
Seeing a purple shape is good. It means you do not just see darkness. You have some inner light sense. This is associated with the third eye sensations you are having. That is, you are beginning to see inner space, or that which I call the imaginal space.
All the world is just a construct in imaginal space. It is a network of conceptualized objects thrown over an undifferentiated oneness underneath the world we appear to see. This shape should eventually give way to an inner “light” that spreads everywhere that you perceive anything. However, this still is not you. It is refined consciousness.
Yes, when the inner world begins to draw you in, you do lose interest in friends, family, etc. This is very good. However, since you are so young, there will always be a strong draw for you to participate in the world.
However, just doing an activity such as the Peace Corp or helping the world in some organization will not help you much either in terms of finding lasting peace or happiness. That comes when you know in your heart of hearts the ground of your being. That brings complete self-confidence and peace, and that is found through internalization of your mind through self-inquiry and self abidance.
Yes, once you recognize a deep love for all sentient beings, the realization comes that eating meat was something you did without thinking about where the meat came from. That is the problem in America. People do not see the suffering, screaming of the animals and the killing. When they realize what is really happening, the urge to eat meat immediately stops. There is a pain and guilt that goes away after meat eating stops.
I am glad your live has changed completely. You have also seen completely through the mind as an instrument of salvation. You can’t use the mind to get before the mind. I assume you wrestled with Kant, Bishop Berkeley, and all the problems of idealism versus realism, and realized even the great philosophers were still captured by mind. You are now going deeper than the famous ones that we know about because they wrote and lectured.
Keep up the effort. Keep me informed of your progress.
I know of no one in the Phoenix area, but keep writing and we will meet some day.