Sometimes Ed, I just don’t know what to make of life. I just find everything to be pointless. Going to work seems like a prison sentence. Sometimes, I just wonder, what is the point of being a human being? I close my and I try to look for the “I AM”. It is not completely black because I have practiced intensive meditation in the past. I feel that if I could just find the “I AM”, life will have more meaning. Right now, the constant feeling of the pointlessness of life haunts me. I listen to your Satsangs to try and feel my way through this feeling. Sometimes it helps because your voice is really soothing. Some days, I simply want to walk out of my job and go home.
Is the any advice that you can give me that will help me to deal with this period?
I walked out of my job at the university and just disappeared into myself.
Years before that I walked out of a high paying government job and went into the desert.
But, realize that whatever situation you walk away from, the feelings and experiences that caused you to walk away--you take them with you! So until you can deal with the underlying feelings, it helps little to walk away.
I suggest a long vacation or making up a reason to get a longer leave of absence from your employer, and use that time for intensive self-work, of self-inquiry, loving your subjective self, and listening to sacred music.
On the other hand, sometimes you can feel like the world is rejecting you and forcing you out. It is as if destiny, Shakti, Karma, whatever you want to call it, is directing you to get out of the rat race and get totally into your self.
EMAIL TO ME:
I was looking at these two images you had previously posted to facebook and trying to understand what Absolute, absolute Witness and Manifest Self refer to. I have read some of your posts about how your previous awakening experiences were and how it was when you experienced something more. So I picked the part of your book that talks about your experience with somebody called Rene and read that first. I'll go back and read from the start.
It is a natural progression beginning from realization of the Manifest Self for many, such as for Nisargadatta.
Others, such as Ramakrishna enjoy the joy and Manifest Self experience so much they decide to reject the Absolute, as did I,and stay in the joy of being/life.