RAJIV--I AM SORRY!

I have a confession.

As you all know Rajiv and I were very close for a long time, and then we were not.

The reason was my jealousy and Rajiv’s silence.

Deeya had been my student for some time before Rajiv entered the picture, and she even wanted to come visit me in the U.S.  She and I exchanged many emails and she sent me some gifts and I was taken by her vulnerability and love.

Then Rajiv and I entered an intense public relationship on this blog which resulted in his awakening to the Absolute beyond Consciousness.  Deeya was much taken by Rajiv’s passion and began communicating with him.  Gradually she stopped communicating with me as did Rajiv and he was encouraging her to develop her own teaching website. Finally Deeya came into some money through her healing work and traveled to India to be with Rajiv and his family.

I felt jealous and left out.  Neither really was communicating with me and Rajiv even did a video of Deeya which he posted on his website.  I felt he stole her from me just as other former students of mine left me for  him.

Then there was some trouble between Rajiv and Deeya, and in my jealousy and anger I took sides with Deeya against Rajiv and could find no good in him.  For this I feel deeply ashamed with great sorrow.  I have caused him great hurt and his family as well.  I have apologized to him and he has accepted my apology, but he pointed out the pain I caused.

I publicly criticized the method he created as nothing more than Kriya Yoga, but in fact, it can be an exellent adjunct method of raising Shakti to supplement the dryness that self-inquiry done without great love and bring.  

I also criticized him for wanting to be a Hollywood guru for taking on the movie people, but, in fact, they were aiding Rajiv in coming to the United States and thus helping him get much needed medical treatment for his son from UCLA doctors.

Rajiv, I deeply apologize for the pain I have caused you and your family.

But, I pointed out that the emotional pain I caused was not the worst of it, because that pain inevitably leads to the Self if one is open to it.  The evil inherent in what I did and said was the pettiness of my motivations.

Rajiv is a good man--a human man with an ill son who he worries about constantly and whose plight weighs heavy on his heart.  You would not go wrong to have Rajiv as a teacher.  He is filled with love and has a powerful personality.

The greatest difficulty on any path is the initial awakening, which turns on the light switch so to speak illuminating the rest of the path. Awakening to the Absolute is most difficult indeed for it is beyond form and emptiness, beyond even the duality of witness and witnessed and it is almost impossible to find by oneself. Here the only guides are a subtle intuition so hard to pin down and a teacher's encouraging words.

Rajiv is an expert guide to the Absolute as well as awakening Kundalini which adds a factor of love and breathing to what can be entirely too dry a path.

Love Rajiv and your world will explode in joy.