Hi Ed, friend and Master,
My live is fully dedicated to the recognition of my true nature.
These are big words of a big mouth and I realise that ‘I am’ is still daily indentified with body, mind and the world.
In daily live I have a fulltime job as a nurse in a private addiction clinic.Over 20 years I been working on the recognition of my true nature. It conscioussly started when I was abouth 17 years old that I read J. Krishnamurti and found a deeper sense of live. Later for almost 15 years I was member and associated with the Dutch part of the School of Economic Science based primarily on the philosophy of Advaita. In that time I received an initiation and mantra in the tradition of Shankara. With ups and downs I practised jappa for abouth 10 years. This al came to an end after I was blessed to visit Ramana Ashram Tiruvanamalai in year 2000. Then new doubts and self-enquiry begin to live.
However, until I was 30 my live was filled with survival because I was always in a fight with the world and most of the time wrapped up in maya. Now I am so to speak 43 and slowly have entered more calm waters and more be able to dive inside.January this year I received your records with the satsangs from Robert Adams wich has a deep impact on my being. I listen with great love and an open heart daily: before sleeping; driving the car to work; walking in the woods; and streched out on the couch. I feel blessed receiving the teachings of Robert Adams, it is a great treasure and reading this over tears of grace are not far away. Robert has deepen my understanding and make me a more sensitive being.
Daily (for as far my responsibilitys let me go) I am sitting for longer periods in contemplation with crossed leggs on the couch. I am resting with my back in the couch so it is not a formal posture. I keep my eyes closed and be aware of the movements and turmoil of body and mind. After some time they become to slow down and ‘I am’ be aware of looking with eyes closed. The sensory organs become more alert and the mind slows further down. When toughts and dreams arise in the mind I frequently ask the question: “To whom do these thoughts arise?, etc..” This self-enquiry mostly ends with the thought of: “I, I…”, and simple awareness.
Stil it is not really clear to me what it means to abide in the ‘I’. To me it stays with a more and more slowing down of the mind and sensory clearness where by the ‘sensory’ impressions and the body become so to say a ocean of energy without any limits or centre. However this experience or state of consciousness seems most of the time a conceptualizing and intellectual game.
I keep practising and resting in this sitting for at least an hour whereby I am falling sometimes in a dreaming or sleeping state of consciousness. Then sometimes ‘I am’, suddenly wake up with a shock and a remarkeble clearness of mind and awarenes remaines. This clear awarness of being sometimes also appears gradualy when just watching the mind proces.
I humble want for ask for guidance.
Can/do you advise a more formal posture for meditation? I can sit with my back straight if needed but I am reserved with using any form of pressure or strength. Is there any use in practising meditation (sitting) when I am tired of work and falling asleep?
Is there any real difference in waching the mind process and self-enquiry as tought by Robert Adams? Your support, any guidance and confirmation is more then welcome.
Strong posture really helps to get into samadhi.
The problem with Robert's method af asking who something comes to, is it is basically on the level of mind and you are ready to go beyond. That is, asking, "Who am I?," or "To whom does this come?" is a beginner's type of self inquiry.
Attached is the Nisargadatta Gita. Download it and print it out. Put it in a 3 ring binder and read it every morning for just a few pages. Then ponder its meaning and then meditate on the I Am.
Try this for 2-3 weeks and report back. You should make a lot of progress with this technique.
Remember, Robert never practiced any technique, so he taught many different beginners techniques. He was spontaneously awakened.
Try to sit half lotus with no support for at least 30 minutes after reading the Gita and pondering.