I had a tiff with my wife. I noticed that throughout the encounter, at every stage I had in my own mind a set of preconceived ideas about how she should respond to me. I realised I am the agent of my own distress.
Over the last week and a series of sits I experienced the sensations and subsequent realisations that I am not breathing, followed then by I am not hearing, followed then by I am not looking. Yesterday and today I am hit by a profound and startling sensation that the entire experience I have of myself as ‘P,’ ie my persona, is a fabrication, a series of accumulated experiences interwoven with memory, fears, needs, etc. The entire sense of this is that P is a lie as opposed to a liar. A thing so to speak that is not me. How do I know this? I don’t.
In meditation I look at the vastness of the void. I am aware of the ‘expanded’ sensation of my own consciousness, the limitlessness of it, and yet, I am looking at the void. Suddenly...I realise they are one and the same. ‘Looking at’ ends. There is just awareness, no separateness.
Who is this mad person I once called P? He is not me...I am. And now what really makes me break out in a sweat is, if P is as fabrication, what of the world? Can you comment? As always, I very much look forward to your reply.With much gratitudep
If you see that you are not real, instantaneously you should see that the world is not real either. You are the center of the universe. When you disappear and are cognized as unreal, the world should disappear also, leaving only ONE.
Stay in that ONE for a long time, and eventually you will go beyond it.
You have nearly completed stage I awakening. Just keep aware of awareness as oneness.