I have been reading the site and been in and out of the blog and trying to take on board your guidance. I couldn’t locate the I am precisely and you wrote me a few days back about that. I have been doing enquiry centred on “I am” and putting my attention on that constantly throughout the day. At some point, some days ago, I had some glimpses of what felt like me to be “I am” when meditating which stayed with me throughout the day, and the next day and the next.
The experience itself was nothing I would call special but my attention keeps being drawn back to that all day. The world seems different and not that real to me presently. Everything has changed but I can’t explain how, it’s just not the same. I feel a peace and tranquillity like I have never known and I am smiling to myself inside ( I don’t know why..................?)
Tonight I had to sit down because I had a wave of (?) come over me. I don’t know how to explain this but: I felt a feeling which I recognise from somewhere a million lifetimes ago, or from some depth I cannot even grasp. When it came, I knew without doubt that this was my true essence ( or whatever the term should be)......................I cannot describe it, it just was. What has made an impression on me is the remembering of this “state”. I have been there before, and it felt like “ home”, maybe its a deep seated memory of the “I am” from when I was a baby?
I am too green to even begin to understand what any of these things are. Whether I am a million lifetimes away from awakening, that’s fine with me, even to have had this one fleeting experience has radically changed everything for me..........................
Great experience, no?
AND, it just keeps getting better and better.
At this point, don't try to figure anything out. Just stay in the I Am. The speculating at this point only hinders true understanding later.