Hi Ed,

Firstly, thank you for all the practical help you so willingly give away. I receive your blog posts almost everyday and they are always a great inspiration. For me the great turning point in my meditation practice was Michael Langford's Awareness Watching Awareness method. Giving up all 'outward' practices and merely dwelling in awareness deepened into recognizing the 'I' thought. Through your blog posts and reading the Nisargadatta Gita, there is a recognition here that somehow this 'I thought' is the scaffolding upon which the entire world is built. What a radical idea! All previous so-called 'spiritual' practice was built on the lie of the 'I' and so the last year has been a de-accumulation for me. The dismantling, which is more like de-identification with what was formally 'me' - the body, my interests and passions, my family etc. etc. seems to point more and more to a recognition that this 'I', this body, other people, the world is contained in a vast space. I still somehow know this is a conceptual understanding but there is also a sense that the whole world points to this Reality.

Anyway thanks for everything.

Best Wishes,

D.


RESPONSE:

Yes, David, it is all conceptual, but you have gone beyond conceptual to a large degree.

Just stay abiding in awareness.

At some point you will realize it is still YOU abiding in awareness. Awareness arose to you and disappears to you.

You are separate and beyond awareness.

Ed

Dear Ed,

Months ago you stated my understanding was advanced; yet you were concerned that I remained unhappy.

Before interacting with you,after months of deep, consistent, seemingly effortless experiences I still felt it did not matter (no point, or conclusion); Despite samadhis, daily meditative black-outs, effortless sense of no real physical boundary (pervasive ease), pulsing lights with eyes closed, and giant-sized heavy presence and tilting, rotating movements in meditation, expanded heavy,presences of teachers, awareness behind my body, mind-numbed frozen stillness, etc. I was aware despite other acute experiences of wide-awake emptiness with razor bright light outlining objects, etc that, to me, it still did not matter.  It wasn't enough though pervasive and gentle and just seemed to happen though much stillness began to normalize or drop away.

How true, how deep? I don't know. That still is not my concern. As you suggested, I focused on listening to chanting and listening daily to Robert's Satsangs. I continued to live simply and serve my community spontaneously.  I practiced self-inquiry in most activities. I also became more socially involved.

Bliss returned to me. First while waking up, eyes still shut: warm, glowing, "inside" with attention toward my chest yet without boundary. I do not feel it was just bodily ecstasy because there was no body high or real body awareness.  Weeks later Bliss occurred again while listening to chanting, resting on the couch. While listening I felt intense desire, almost romantic, in my chest, as I do I attended to it, watched it, sat in it, joined in and as typical with thougths/feelings it flushed away but instead of the usual lightness or ease I expect there was deep, rich bliss.

I began to set down my conclusions and dissatisfaction; bliss mattered-- there was something beyond voidness and dead thought. Life conitued to get crazy and at times carry me away.  Bliss largely dropped away. I continued to do my best to practice.

At one point while putting on my socks after waking I clearly and spontaneously thought "I do not persist" as Robert said one would though I often was aware I did not clearly feel this way previously.

I remain clueless. Tension remains to push further, yet I could focus and practice much more. It appears wasted effort to try to understand what is occurring and what I should do, if anything, for I can't understand it or necessarily do it. Life occurs.

This is my long-winded approach, Ed, to express my deepest, heartfelt thanks and to ask again for your Grace and Guidance. I could not have managed effort or faith to move further without your guidance.  Though I remain lost with a long way to walk I feel deep appreciation and surrender must be the only real way left. Anything else confounds me. So again, thank you.

Your persistence to refocus, to return to some practice, to not get lost in voids and find the real I AM felt difficult and confusing even unnatural; yet it appears to offer the only clear path through no-things to nothingness. So in many ways I started again. I remain seeing neti neti but now have some faith that this need not be my conclusion. That mostly, all is well.

I am grateful for chanting and Robert's Satsang and the Nisargadatta Gita. It is useful to hear questioners grow, to Robert clarify and joke, to sit in the silence of Satsang, to have an opportunity to just sit still without applying effort or intention, falling into myself.

I agree "Hunting the I" is strong; for me, especially the end, for practice is necessary long as there is one who can practice. And no practice will lead you home just the awareness of interacting with practices until you see who truly practices... Thus the importance of consistently practicing until eventually letting go, not knowing, surrendering, dropping attention from form/movement as mind to still awareness, no?

I have a question or two finally.  But this email is long so I will save it for some other time. Maybe I won't wait months.

I do consider you my teacher and I still consider helping you with Satsang. We will see I guess.

Peace, peace,

B.

RESPONSE:


 B.,

You have excellent understanding. In most people the bliss leaves naturally. As you say, you realize nothing matters. There is great peace and rest in that.

What is important and what will persist, is peace. 

Just keep going as you are going. You understand more than you know.

Conviction and courage will come naturally one day. The sense of being incomplete will disappear.

Ed

Ed,


Nisargadatta maharaj  said that by all means attend to your duties
i dont think i am doing my duties properly, i am afraid that i will fail in my exams this time here. 


RESPONSE:


Nisargadatta spoke approximately 500,000 words in twelve books. Do you suppose he gave exactly the same advice to all? Why do you latch onto that one paragraph?

What you are is entirely beyond the world. Pay no attention to the world. It is a dream, a hoax, it is not real.

Spirituality is about finding out what is immortal and entirely beyond the world.

You have to decide. Do you want to pass some examinations, or become immortal?

Ed

Hi Ed, friend and Master,

My live is fully dedicated to the recognition of my true nature.

These are big words of a big mouth and I realise that ‘I am’ is still daily indentified with body, mind and the world.

In daily live I have a fulltime job as a nurse in a private addiction clinic.

Over 20 years I been working on the recognition of my true nature. It conscioussly started when I was abouth 17 years old that I read J. Krishnamurti and found a deeper sense of live. Later for almost 15 years I was member and associated with the Dutch part of the School of Economic Science based primarily on the philosophy of Advaita. In that time I received an initiation and mantra in the tradition of Shankara. With ups and downs I practised jappa for abouth 10 years. This al came to an end after I was blessed to visit Ramana Ashram Tiruvanamalai in year 2000. Then new doubts and self-enquiry begin to live.

However, until I was 30 my live was filled with survival because I was always in a fight with the world and most of the time wrapped up in maya. Now I am so to speak 43 and slowly have entered more calm waters and more be able to dive inside.

January this year I received your records with the satsangs from Robert Adams wich has a deep impact on my being. I listen with great love and an open heart daily: before sleeping; driving the car to work; walking in the woods; and streched out on the couch. I feel blessed receiving the teachings of Robert Adams, it is a great treasure and reading this over tears of grace are not far away. Robert has deepen my understanding and make me a more sensitive being.

Daily (for as far my responsibilitys let me go) I am sitting for longer periods in contemplation with crossed leggs on the couch. I am resting with my back in the couch so it is not a formal posture. I keep my eyes closed and be aware of the movements and turmoil of body and mind. After some time they become to slow down and ‘I am’ be aware of looking with eyes closed. The sensory organs become more alert and the mind slows further down. When toughts and dreams arise in the mind I frequently ask the question: “To whom do these thoughts arise?, etc..”  This self-enquiry mostly ends with the thought of: “I, I…”, and simple awareness.

Stil it is not really clear to me what it means to abide in the ‘I’. To me it stays with a more and more slowing down of the mind and sensory clearness where by the ‘sensory’ impressions and the body become so to say a ocean of energy without any limits or centre. However this experience or state of consciousness seems most of the time a conceptualizing and intellectual game.

I keep practising and resting in this sitting for at least an hour whereby I am falling sometimes in a dreaming or sleeping state of consciousness. Then sometimes ‘I am’, suddenly wake up with a shock and a remarkeble clearness of mind and awarenes remaines. This clear awarness of being sometimes also appears gradualy when just watching the mind proces.

I humble want for ask for guidance.

Can/do you advise a more formal posture for meditation? I can sit with my back straight if needed but I am reserved with using any form of pressure or strength. Is there any use in practising meditation (sitting) when I am tired of work and falling asleep?

Is there any real difference in waching the mind process and self-enquiry as tought by Robert Adams? Your support, any guidance and confirmation is more then welcome.

Pranams,

D.

RESPONSE:

Hi D.,

Strong posture really helps to get into samadhi.

The problem with Robert's method af asking who something comes to, is it is basically on the level of mind and you are ready to go beyond. That is, asking, "Who am I?," or "To whom does this come?" is a beginner's type of self inquiry.

Attached is the Nisargadatta Gita. Download it and print it out. Put it in a 3 ring binder and read it every morning for just a few pages. Then ponder its meaning and then meditate on the I Am.

Try this for 2-3 weeks and report back. You should make a lot of progress with this technique.

Remember, Robert never practiced any technique, so he taught many different beginners techniques. He was spontaneously awakened.

Try to sit half lotus with no support for at least 30 minutes after reading the Gita and pondering.

Ed

Ed,

I am really puzzled by Advaita's no-doer concept. I have done some experiments on my own life. I found if I just follow the life flow, I basically stay in the same course of my life. If I want to make changes in my life, I have to resort to conscious efforts. Otherwise, nothing is going to change or happen. For example, I am not a native English speaker and my career in the States suffered a lot due to poor English speaking skill. I found to alter this situation is possible, but I have to resort to massive learning efforts. If no-doer concept is correct and a person adopts it, he is not going to be able to tackle the situation similar to mine.

Namatse,

J

 RESPONSE:

You speak in terms of worldly knowledge. What I teach is entirely beyond the world and human knowledge. I talk about living in the Godhead, totally beyond the world and humanity.

In spirituality, we are not talking about how to have a better life, more friends, better marriage, etc., we are talking about going entirely beyond the world.

Therefore, if you want to stay in the world with a better life, stay far away from spirituality.

Nor do I agree with the Neo Advaitins that no spiritual effort is necessary. It is. It takes a long abiding in the I Am, in the totality of consciousness to go beyond consciousness. Robert, Ramana, Nisargadatta, all emphasized self-inquiry in order to awaken.

However, when it is all said and done, you will find there never was any effort, or anyone making an effort.

Ed

Ed

Since you are one of few Advaita teachers who have extensive exposure to Buddhism, I want to ask you this question. I stayed with Buddhism for many years before. Buddhism insists there is no Atman/The Self. Even I read this Buddhist teacher's book:

http://www.amazon.com/Mindfulness-Bliss-Beyond-Meditators-Handbook/dp/0861712757/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1269877325&sr=1-3

All of his realizations he talked about in his book such as no "me" are no different from what are described by Advaita teachers. But he still insists there is no Self and explicitly rejects Advaita's Atman tenet. Do you know why?

Best regards,

J.

RESPONSE:

This is the problem with concepts. Two people can have identical experiences and different understandings depending on their background. Two people can have opposite experiences, yet because of concepts, think that opposite experiences prove the exact some thing.

Like science. Understanding in physics changes completely every 50-100 years.

In the end, we don't know what their experiences are really, we only read about their conclusions, and the conclusions are not important.

Personally, I like the Nisargadatta conceptualization as it is closest to my own experiences and understanding.

Generally Buddhist pay far too much attention to the various voids, and don't so much make the distinction between subject and object.

He may mean there is no subject, or he may mean there is no objective self that can be witnessed.

The best to do is to answer the question for yourself in your own experiences, and this requires persistence and increasing maturity.  Then you write your own book. You will understand with unshakable conviction. Remember, there are no truths, only guiding "pointers," which ultimately all need to be dropped.

Thank you very much for your response, Sir. It was very helpful.  Your sense of intuition and understanding of your students is uncanny. My experience is as you stated.  I am at the point where exploring perceptions within consciousness is of no more benefit.  They are just that, perceptions within consciousness, and I understand they have nothing to do with me.  It's time for me to go 'deeper', and this can only be done by joining the looker.

Microanyalsis as you call it, or the exploration of perceptions was very helpful, though.  In the process of probing around inner space for a grip on a sense of beingness perceptions are explored, which leads to the understanding that the mind has an almost orchestral method of creating a center, or 'me' within consciousness, and the eventual realization that beingness is the constant backdrop where perception takes place. 

As for concepts I will try to stick to my experiences, and only use them when I can find no other suitable words, especially bloated ones like 'I Am'.

Thank you again so very much for all your assistance and guidance, Sir.  It is of unimaginable help, and saves so much precious time.

Love,

R.

Hi Ed,

I had a tiff with my wife.  I noticed that throughout the encounter, at every stage I had in my own mind a set of preconceived ideas about how she should respond to me.  I realised I am the agent of my own distress. 

Over the last week  and a series of sits I experienced the sensations  and subsequent realisations that I am not breathing, followed then by I am not hearing, followed then by I am not looking.  Yesterday and today I am hit by a profound and startling sensation that the entire experience I have of myself as ‘P,’ ie my persona, is a fabrication, a series of accumulated experiences interwoven with memory, fears, needs, etc.  The entire sense of this is that P is a lie as opposed to a liar.  A thing so to speak that is not me.  How do I know this?  I don’t. 

In meditation I look at the vastness of the void.  I am aware of the ‘expanded’ sensation of my own consciousness, the limitlessness of it, and yet, I am looking at the void.  Suddenly...I realise they are one and the same.  ‘Looking at’ ends.  There is just awareness, no separateness. 

Who is this mad person I once called P?  He is not me...I am.   And now what really makes me break out in a sweat is, if P is as fabrication, what of the world?  Can you comment?  As always, I very much look forward to your reply.

With much gratitude

p

RESPONSE:

If you see that you are not real, instantaneously you should see that the world is not real either. You are the center of the universe. When you disappear and are cognized as unreal, the world should disappear also, leaving only ONE.

Stay in that ONE for a long time, and eventually you will go beyond it.

You have nearly completed stage I awakening. Just keep aware of awareness as oneness.

Ed

This blog appears to be doing some good. So far in March, it has had almost 6,000 unique visitors, or over 200 a day. This is down from February which had almost 10,000 unique visitors.


This demonstrates that these teachings of Advaita/meditation/self-inquiry, where the emphasis is on the method and experiences of self-inquiry that stand behind the the knowledge, as opposed to mouthing aphorisms, or quotes, are desperately needed and welcomed.


These teachings go way beyond the simplistic understanding of no I, no self, unity consciousness.


I thank you all for reading this site and sharing your experiences.

Dear Ed,

I have been reading the site and been in and out of the blog and trying to take on board your guidance. I couldn’t locate the I am precisely and you wrote me a few days back about that. I have been doing enquiry centred on “I am” and putting my attention on that constantly throughout the day. At some point, some days ago, I had some glimpses of what felt like me to be “I am” when meditating which stayed with me throughout the day, and the next day and the next.

The experience itself was nothing I would call special but my attention keeps being drawn back to that all day. The world seems different and not that real to me presently. Everything has changed but I can’t explain how, it’s just not the same. I feel a peace and tranquillity like I have never known and I am smiling to myself inside ( I don’t know why..................?)

Tonight I had to sit down because I had a wave of (?) come over me. I don’t know how to explain this but: I felt a feeling which I recognise from somewhere a million lifetimes ago, or from some depth I cannot even grasp. When it came, I knew without doubt that this was my true essence ( or whatever the term should be)......................I cannot describe it, it just was. What has made an impression on me is the remembering of this “state”. I have been there before, and it felt like “ home”, maybe its a deep seated memory of the “I am” from when I was a baby?

I am too green to even begin to understand what any of these things are.  Whether I am a million lifetimes away from awakening, that’s fine with me, even to have had this one fleeting experience has radically changed everything for me..........................

thanks Ed.

ML


RESPONSE: 

Great experience, no?

AND, it just keeps getting better and better.

At this point, don't try to figure anything out. Just stay in the I Am. The speculating at this point only hinders true understanding later.

Ed

Dear Ed,

Read your "Hunting the I." Think it's made one important thing clear. You talk about discovering "the anomaly, that which never changes, which is the subject of all the myriads of objects." I think I've discovered that and in fact discovered it a long time ago. I don't mean to be bragging. It would indeed be an odd thing to brag about, since it's so...well, simple.  I'm able to access it in day-to-day life as well as in formal meditation without difficulty.

The "experience" in meditation is one of resting. It does not require effort. It seems to be something (not a "thing or "object, though) that is apt for abiding.  Abiding in it brings a deep and satisfying samadhi.

There is a sense of "Amness" that goes with or is identical to this abiding. This I AMness is somewhat different from feelings/sensations I have at other times identified as I AM feelings, feelings that do nonetheless seem to be aptly characterized as I AM feelings. It's different for example from the feeling I AM that seems to contract in response to narcissistic wounds. The "feeling" is constant in the sense that, when I have, it is always the same.  It's not something that can be punctured.

The "experience" definitely is not one of finding the self or subject as a thing or object. It is one of being the experiencer or witness. It's a kind of self-awareness but somewhat paradoxically it is not reflective at all. The self-awareness is immediate.

If I understand you correctly and am describing my own experience accurately, then it seems that this is what you call the "real" I AM feeling-the feeling you encourage us to abide in. Does this seem right to you?

Thanks Ed.

Best,
M.

RESPONSE:

Exactly M., 100% spot on.

Just abide there and that is all that has to be done.

Of course, the inner landscape will continue to change and sometimes it will be hard to continually abide in the anomaly, but you've got the method down pat.

Ed

The itisnotreal.com website is being completely recreated in Italian by Sergio Cipollaro, a student in Italy.


Sergio, I thank you deeply for your efforts.


This website is at: http://itisnotreal.net

Nisargadatta Video:

Hello Sir,

After reflecting upon and spending more time in the state that I last shared with you, where I said there was no 'I' thought, I think it would be more accurate to say that there was no center to consciousness, not that there was no 'I' thought.  

The more time I spend with that state the more I see there is an 'I' thought, or sensation that perceives consciousness, it just is not centered on the body, or one thing in particular, but on consciousness as a whole.  In this state I feel detached from the body and the sensations it experiences.  

For instance, in the shower, wetness doesn't seem to touch me the same way.  I experience wetness, but am always 'dry', or untouched by all experiences. I think this is a more pure 'I Am', although obviously not entirely pure, because I still experience some thoughts, and the world itself.  

I figured I should clarify, since I feel there is a big difference in understanding between consciousness lacking a center, and the loss of the 'I' thought.

OK, bye :D

Love,

R.

RESPONSE:

It is o.k. to articulate, because that is part of the learning and unfolding process, but don't take the terms too seriously, such as pure "I Am," "Turiya," etc.

These are only words and concepts.

So when you describe taking a dry shower, or the center is not in the body, you are being truer to your own experience and not using buzzwords.

So you are doing very well.

You should be aware there is an I thought, but that is not the subject, the Self, nor is it "I Am."  "I Am" is witnessed by the ultimate subject. What you regard as "I Am" will change over time. At first, it might have a big body-feeling, kinesthetic component. Some even consider the Third Eye opening to be "I Am." Later, "I Am" may seem  like the totality of consciousness, or just pure awareness.

In fact, in the West there is a whole branch of theoretic psychology dedicated to articulating and understanding the complex issues of all the images, concepts, words, feelings and perceptions that make up what we call "I Am." If you are interested, go to the website http:itisnotreal.com and hit the button entitled "Psychoanalysis, or just hit it here." I wrote three books on this subject in the 1980s. One complete book is posted, and part of a second. 


There are other summarizing articles I wrote for various academic journals, such as: http://itisnotreal.com/InternationalJournal.pdf


But in most cases you will still be aware that these are all phenomena witnessed by the looker. Then you will think that none of this consciousness stuff has anything to do with me and you'll investigate the looker--the subject. This is when things begin to get interesting.

Here you are on the border of nothingness, going beyond consciousness altogether and know of your existence as something totally beyond the world in a different way than you know anything else, such as objects or knowledge in consciousness.

Ed

Hi Ed


Sorry for not getting back to you in the two weeks you said. I guess I needed more time to sort some things out.


Anyways, I need your advice please. I can finally 'pinpoint' a wordless sensation of "I Am". Though it itself does seem to change. Sometimes appearing in front of me, other times between my heart and belly, though I know these feelings themselves are not the I am sense. I understand intellectualy that this sense is observed and arises in what is observing it and hence it cannot be real either. Alot of peace has arisen just by abiding in this I am though. I am not sure what to do from here, do I just continually abide in this I AM? Or the 'sense of looking or observing' this I AM?


That Nisargadatta-Gita you gave me,has been a tremendous help !


Thanks a lot!


R.


RESPONSE:


For now, abide in the feeling I Am. Get to know it full well. The the I Am eventually will become the observer by itself.


Ed


TO ME (Two weeks later) :


Ive undergone quite a change in perception. It is as you said. Its like the I sense feels foreign and 'I' am observing it. Sometimes it feels like I have nothing to 'cling on to' as the I Am sense or 'me'. So I guess now its more a thing of being 'me' and resting as that?


Thank you


R.


RESPONSE:


Yes, yes, yes!


Find that which feels most like "me" and then rest in it.


Ed


TO ME:


I feel like something is going to happen pretty soon. I feel like I am losing myself. It feels like things happen on their own at times, like a thought or my body moving etc. Concepts feel strange and foreign, even an urge such as hunger for example. It just feels like its there. I dont really know how to explain this. But I also feel frightened and I don't know why. It feels like this enquiry also happens with very little effort and runs on its own spontaneously. It feels like something is pulling 'me' along ?? Any advice would be great, but il keep abiding.


Thanks!


R.


RESPONSE:


R., you are doing well. Don't let fear deter you, continue to go straight ahead as you have been doing.


TO ME:


I hope you are well (how could you not be lol). Anyways I have a question, would like your guidance. I have had a taste of Turiya quite a few times, some more 'deeper' than others. I can see that thoughts and so on, desires, etc are empty and just float on 'my' surface. My question is, is it necessary to stabilize there 24/7 to go beyond? Because it comes and goes (get distracted and seem to 'chase' the images on the surface). Though I try to self-abide as much as I can and it comes, without seeing Turiya as the actual goal of course. There have been points where I can see that anything I am is beyond mind or any appearance and I can understand why any attempt at describing is futile, though of course some 'I' still remains. Would Turiya eventually become more permanent the more I go back to it?


Thank you, I have deep gratitude for your help, its much appreciated!


R.


RESPONSE:


Stay away from labels such as Turiya, the Absolute, Consciousness, etc.  They only make sense within the context of a philosophy of existence and knowing. You want to go beyond all understanding and knowing, which is just the mind. The point of all true spiritual philosophy is to satisfy the mind with explanations, so that it doesn't wander in thought any longer, and stops and observes and rests in the fundamental state. 


Therefore, just stay as much in the sense of 'I Am' as you can, whatever that means to you. Like I say, that sense varies as meditation matures. All through the day, go to that place whatever you are doing, and of course in formal meditation.


But you have to become totally stupid without any understanding of Advaita philosophy or terms.


Ed 

TO ME:

I am constantly watching now, Sir.  Sometimes I get involved and forget myself, but not very often anymore.  It all just happens and it happens to the 'I Am' not me.  The 'I Am' experiences the frustration, the 'I Am' experiences the pain, or happiness, but I just watch - nothing affects me. I am that steady thing in the background and I watch the unfolding of consciousness in front of me. 

It's odd. When I walk or move I get the feeling I'm not going anywhere.  The consciousness is changing to give the impression there is walking, but I am still, not moving, just watching from the place where I have always been.  Space doesn't feel as big anymore.  It almost feels like I'm inside of an enclosed room, but that room is so miraculous that it can morph and change to give the perception I'm standing outside under the stars, or at the foot of a mountain.  In truth, though, there is only that room, which is consciousness.  There is no mountain.  There are no stars.  And when the lights are off in the room, I don't know it's there, I don't even know I am there! 

Anyways, that's all for now! Hope all is well with you!

R.


RESPONSE:

Very, very good. Not many have this kind of positive experience. This is pure grace. Your experience is very deep and will continuously change and mature over time.

Ed

Hi Master Ed


thanks for the continuous help through your website..It is a blessing. There is something I feel compelled to tell you, I hope you can give me some directions..


the last month I spent a 3 weeks holiday on a foreign country by myself, I was there working on a  photo project that required making interviews.


Most of them were sad tales about life and during them I got emotionally involved with the people
I was interviewing. At the end of my trip I went throught an emotional breakdown... my body was numb and I could barely walk/eat for 2 days. My body/mind was like in a storm....as a witness I experienced the "I feeling" struggling from the desire to change the events I was witnessing.


After 2 days the storm passed away and I was back on my feet...


But something has been missing ever since...the "I" feeling seems to be subsided.


There is a constant experience of emptiness, silence and peace even if the consciousness keep moving and changing.


Following the advice you gave Raji I started to include two 20 minutes (or more) session of meditation
during my days. My body naturally let this happen, I sometimes seems to have to make effort in order 
to keep my body/mind from naturally falling in meditation ( the body freeze ) while working during the waking state.


During meditation there is no effort involved...
consciousness play in front of me and subside on Its will, I stand apart  and from a silent and peaceful
standpoint witnessing happens. There is no entity involved...and there are no words for defining this state.


During witnessing, in meditation or during the waking state, there is no feeling of joy arising...but a a feeling of sadness.


It naturally arise from the witnessing of an ever changing consciousness...a consciousness bound to suffer
from It's incapacity to find peace, where every form It assume is bound to struggle and finally die.


There is no identity able to do anything about it....and all this show is too much and sadness mixed with love, for 
all this struggling forms, spontaneously arise.


Often there is a feeling of wanting all this to disappear forever....the waking state feels too sad to witness,
and I naturally feel the inclination to be in deep meditation.


I pray for your directions...


with gratitude


M.


RESPONSE:


Yes, as Robert often said, this world is the lowest hell. Only an idiot would want to stay here too long.


However, the more you practice, you see that the world and you as a human are unreal, and your real nature is beyond all this.


There is a happiness resting in oneself no matter what is happening outside.


No guru ever lived a very long life except Nisargadatta who lived to be 82 I think. Most died in their 60s and 70s. They don't want to stay, but they are always happy because they do not identify with the play. You do.


You need to find the witness and identify with it.


Ed


TO ME:


35 Days Later:


Hi Master Ed


I hope to be blessed by your guidance once again.


I have difficulties to express my state at the moment but I'll try to be concise and clear about it.


Days are passing and I have no memory about them. Around me things are happening but I am not experiencing them directly....witnessing  has no subjectivity anymore. 
The predominant feeling is peace while everything happen...but there is nobody feeling it.


This is a constant feeling during my waking state and the mind flow happens without breaking it. I noticed that I don't seat for meditation as before but it just happens sometimes.


There are still moment when my body feel sick or it is disturbed by something... but this is happening without the interference of a personality. It is just part of the continuous movement and change in the waking state experience.


In the meantime life is going on as before but I lost interest in everything... sometimes I get passionate about something but soon this feeling subside and I have no more 
interest in it. 


I hope you can guide me.

Thank you
M.




P.S. sorry for my english...It is my second language and I am not really good in it.




RESPONSE:


M.


Whatever you are doing is correct.


Where you are is very good.  You describe well. I understand perfectly.


You are going beyond the world to your true state.


Don't be afraid.


However, it would help to sit for formal meditation until you have gone all the way.


Ed