Realizing the Manifest Self--the Life Force permeating our humanity--and the Unmanifest source from which it arises.
16 April 2010
I came across 'Hunting the I' and the rest of your website at the beginning of the week, and it's had quite an impact.
* The 'I am' that I am abiding in as much as I can right now is a peaceful emptiness that is noticing things in an uninvolved way
* The current 'I am' is fairly easy to abide in (to various degrees) now that I've found it
* Some thoughts, images and emotions are dissolving before even being fully formed
* In the morning a few days ago, waking up felt like having a car airbag inflate in inner space (explosive entry of worldly sensations into an awareness that preceded being awake by a tiny amount of time)
* Behaving 'normally' seems like a challenge since everything seems rather plain and remote, imbuing kind of matter-of-factnessthat doesn't really stimulate a desire for much involvement
* I have had some weird bodily sensations especially around/in the head/face/brain area (feels decidedly weird, heavy and rubbery, flesh feels like it's hanging off the face bones)
* Last night I had an intense feeling that I can just sit around and do nothing forever, there seemed to be no point to anything and nothing to do
* At one point last night when 'just being' felt especially strong, I felt giddy, travel sick. Like going to sleep in one place and waking up in another distant place (a bit worrying, in fact)
Strangely, until very recently I openly ridiculed spirituality and had bet my entire adult life (I'm now 37) on reason and materialism. Now, after a few months of dry research into spiritual type things, I've spontaneously but somehow very meaningfully identified with you being my teacher, and I'll be doing whatever you tell me to, either implicitly through what I can see on your website, or explicitly if you decide to respond to me personally.
My plan (in the absence of any over-riding instruction from you) is to just spend as much time as possible abiding in the I-am, and not to read any more literature, apart from perhaps the materials you cite in your response to David on the 14th.