I would like to tell you briefly my life so far..
I was born in the city of Mumbai in a loving family. Right from childhood I've been used to all the rituals and chantings they do at home for pooja. I loved to do pooja from very young age.. Later when around 12 yrs or so I had immense attachment to Lord Shiva and I even made a small temple out of cement and a linga in my backyard..With no reason tears used to just flow when I think of his form..I'd also learnt few manthras on Devi like lalitha sahasranama and trishati which I used to chant regularly till 18 or so..
Then there was a break for almost 3 yrs..Then suddenly I had an experience of lucid dreaming which scared me to the core.So before sleep I started meditating choosing some form, shiva or ganesha or devi and imagine everything in detail about their appearance and how they danced and so on..I chose to do just it because I just felt like that was needed for me that time. It used to feel so good back then.
More sleep paralytic attacks used to happen after 2 yrs whenever I had an afternoon nap. Many times I've felt that I almost died and the only thing I clinged to was my guru whoever He may be..Many times I've felt intense pain in my head as though it would swell and burst.By this time I'd also started practising some yoga asanas and I was regular in that.I'd gone through a lot of emotional suffering and sleeplessness shortly afterwards due to some personal situations.I used to just sit wid eyes closed when I didnt get sleep.Later one day I decided to detach myself from all that I held to emotionally, and was reading a book written by a yogi in my place..That same night I had a vivid OBE as though some force just pulled me out to show that I wasn't just the body.Nights following that the experience of going at light speed through a dark tunnel filled with loud sounds had happened. In between when my eyes opened, it felt like I was in some spaceship and whole surrounding vibrated at great speed.This repeated few more times..
Then I decided to learn some kriya and joined a programme offered at my guruji's ashram.I did some more courses also and was initiated into meditation.My perspective on God , religion, or myself changed drastically and suddenly I knew that I knew nothing. This 'I dont know' feeling made me a seeker of the self.I practised kriyas regularly and some experiences followed it.The problem is that I was not sure if I'm on the right track.I can't contact my guruji directly and people dont encourage sharing experiences with other seekers in the ashram.I may not be as articulate as Rajiv, still let me try :)
All the experiences and witnessing of those, happen clearly when I'm just about to fall into sleep and completely relaxed..
1. Feeling some kind of force in between brows pulling inward (or outward, I'm not sure) and I feel like moving at a very high velocity somewhere into a deep abyss.
2. Feeling of expansion all over the body and rising up in the air and feeling more fluid and pervading.
3.Once I'd completely detached from my body and in few flashes was in some corner of a room.(looked like our physical world only).In the room was seated an old person with a beard whom I seemed to recognise clearly.We looked into each others' eyes for long and I felt very blissful then.I flew back and settled in my body and it felt like I was in the middle of a thunderstorm..(could hear loud roar) Now, I do not know who I'd met.That is the saddest part. :(
4.Many a times I happen to see images of many animals birds humans and all life forms just passing by at a very high speed between eyebrows. I also see geometric patterns (like srichakra) in all matter around me when I suddenly open eyes out of fear, in between some experience.
Then there was a beautiful experience where I went spirally in some lighted tunnel in a vast expanse, following an omkara, not as a clear voice but some kind of a deep chorus..
Sometimes there is also a feeling of intense pain like some mass is being pulled out forcibly from my body, in the navel area. I just accept the pain and go on being with it till the end.
When I lie to sleep, I am aware in the beginning, I'm aware of my dreams and in the middle of the dream I just feel being pulled into another realm of complete silence and completion, then coming back to dream sometimes and so on. This I can clearly be aware of most nights when I sleep.In all this I know I'm seeing myself being pulled in between states as a spectator too, so it is still not me, just the play of consciousness, as you've said.
Many subtle changes have happened to my body too.I can feel a circular movement of something all the time on top of my palms, feet navel and eyebrow.
I'm trying to keep that awareness through the rest of the day while not meditating too. Sometimes it works well. Sometimes not.But when it comes to any form of devotion say singing songs on shiva or chanting something or dance, I forget myself and rejoice to the core.Devotion happens effortlessly.
Can you please help me and tell what way I should go..Jnana is definitely needed for mukthi. Can a portion of bhakti also be added to it..If yes how?Hope I've passed on what I wanted to tell you. Kindly guide me Edji..
Thanks and Regards
You Kriya people seem to have all the fun. I’ll bet a few readers of this blog will redouble their Kriya efforts to get results like this.
You see, Kriya can be fun. It is filled with all sorts of experiences, samadhis, new understandings, and a constant sense that progress is being made.
But to where?
Yes, Jnana is the quickest, straightest and least dangerous path to liberation.
You just find the sense of I Am focus on it, play with it, understand it, and also recognize that there is something observing the I Am, as well as something observing all the effects of your practice.
I am sending you two items, the Nisargadatta Gita, which you need to download and read every morning for a few minutes and then meditate on the content, and “Hunting the I.”
Go slow. Slow down and focus very carefully. Use your trained meditation mind to become a careful, scientific observer of your subjectivity.
Try this for three weeks and write about your experiences. I think you will notice an immediate change.
I note from your autobiography that you are a seeker of the best sort. I was touched by the love you expressed and your early age practices. Me too. At age 11 I started practicing Bhakta-type meditations and read about Rama Krishna, and then three years later, Yogananda.
YOU WILL DO WELL NOW. YOU ARE HOME!