27 February 2010

Dearest Ed,
the last saturday I awoke in the morning with a clear sense of 'I am': if You remember, before this experience, I was not able to find it. 

So I was stunned and began to focus with intensity upon 'I am':

Peace, sometimes bliss, quiet mind but upon all curious experiences in which inner structures seemed to dissolve and after, sometime, an unspeakable condition without separation, without feeling of 'I am' which lasted a while and then all the process began again.
In these moments it seems there is unity with 'I am', but really there isn't 'I am'.

I meditated like this 4 days: I wanted to dissolve totally the feeling of 'I am' so to reach the 'ego death'.

Thuesday, reading your 'first awakening', I realized You are right! the feeling of 'I am' is only a feeling, not of 'I' but of 'Amness' without I!

not only that, I was identified with desire to dissolve the feeling of 'Amness' but in Truth I was witnessing everything, always, and 'Amness' is only an experience that I witness like body and mind.

I also witness and I am beyond the unspeakable condition of non separation without concepts! So, once again, I realized that all these happenings have nothing to do with me...

Now I can put attention upon 'Amness' but I know I am beyond this feeling and so I don't do it; instead in sitting meditation I, again, do nothing: all happen by itself:
silence gradually deepens (a silence without bottom, so peaceful) and sometime a strong bliss from all the body come out; I rest in myself as myself.

Every comment is welcomed...
with gratitude,


Very good Loris. Now you must become well acquainted without mistake about that resting in yourself.  

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