20 February 2010


I feel before consciousness comes back, there is one kind of awareness in which nothing is felt, meaning the outside noises, the feelings, perceptions, thoughts , images etc etc nothing at all except that I am always aware, meaning I always felt I am at it. I have no idea however how time passed. Time becomes a non event. There is awareness as to my existence yet no awareness of time or the passage of it.

The awareness of existence takes place when intense joy is felt like fountains of pure joy spurting all over my body yet during that time there is no memory of where I am, nor what I am. There is no memory as to where I am meditating either in room or office or which room and in which position.  Once memory takes over fully and it takes a little time for it to fully return, so does the IAM ness return.
However the little gap between memory returning and no memory is real ME. That ME is the original state and precedes consciousness (memory).

Many times in office during afternoons as I just lie down, I very often lose memory whether I am at office or at home or whether I am lying or sitting. I have no memory for just that few moments YET something made me aware that "I remain" even without the memory of whom I am or where I am. As memory takes a firm grip I become fully conscious. With memory returning there is a self-knowing mechanism which tells me that "I exist" even without that memory. The return of memory marks the return of IAM ness again.

Many pranams,
Your Servant,Publish Post
Rajiv kapur


Yes, what most call consciousness is really just the mind. When the mind leaps forth from the resting state, all the trouble begins. I Am. The world. 

The world, the body, I Am are apparent only. As Robert said, an optical illusion.

I am glad to watch your "experiences" and understanding deepen and unfold. The neo advaitins say spiritual states come and go, and the only constant quality is ordinary mind, and by that they mean the ordinary, unawakened mind.

1 comment:

  1. Yes, this is really a rare opportunity, not to just read vague descriptions, but to get an experiential "play by play". For one thing, it clarifies what the awakened state is like, and it also dispels the notion of a static attainment of some kind that, once passed, never changes or deepens. Further, it gives sign posts in "real time", also dispelling the notion that people only attained realization years (or decades or centuries) ago, but that this is happening now, amongst the world most of us take for reality, at the same time as we are leading our lives. Finally, it gives fresh pointers for practice for those of us following the teachings. We may see hints or reflections in your experiences that crop up in our own experiences, showing us we may not be so far off the path as we thought. Anyhow, it's absolutely unique, and the integrity brought to the description process of instruction and development is also fantastic.