Namaste dearest Edji,
I hope you do not mind me calling you Edji somehow it seems most appropriate.
I am so grateful to have found your site and through it you and can not express the gratitude for this grace.
Apologies in advance for length.
I read about Shri Ramana some years back and was looking for similar guidance but did not find it then. Recently I read Be as you Are, this started spontaneous Who am I. This lead me to a state of expanded and then completely contracted consciousness within which was all the universe. These states lasted for minutes. This was the second time this was experienced. I was told that I am not this expanded or contracted state, this led me to the insight that I must be the awareness before awareness was aware of itself. Initially I thought that I was simply regurgitating what has been read however since this feeling things have been very strange, knowing/intuition becoming very strong then the next moment a complete lack of knowing with emptiness nothingness, normal thinking process but no thoughts really sticking. This has been going on for about a month. I can see myself interacting with family, all normal life continuing but with an underlying peace. Complete surrender to Shri Ramana I feel has brought me to you. I also left a previous Guru, whose requirement it was to eat meat at least 3-4 times a week, (which I could not do only eaten twice in a year after being a vege almost all my life). Appreciation for the transmissions and grace received there but once the decision to leave was made everything felt lighter.
You were found and great peace is felt when reading about your journey, Robertji's and Rajivji's journey. Just going onto the site is very peaceful. Reading through the site and Robertji's collected works, what wonderful peace and loveliness felt when reading.
Bit of background:
I was made aware that there is something beyond what is seen when I was about 15, watching a movie Jesus was on the cross and says 'Father why have you foresaken me' this led to tears, and I could not understand why, since then years of misguided direction/courses/teachers and a Guru and i find myself at your door asking and awaiting for blessings.
Whilst pregnant 3 years ago i woke up in the middle of the night and thought I was dead there was nothing there, I had to wander around the house, open the front door and light some incense before I could shake this feeling, this has happened about a dozen times since getting less intense and it feels as though the intense fear almost terror is felt due to a fear of not being able to breathe. The most recent occured last week which lasted about a minute and as it finished there was an instant, Oh my God how can billions of people have to go through this when they die.
I write with a request for blessings, direction and guidance, I would like to go deeper and merge with the divine, please can you suggest what I need to do. Apologies if any ego or arrogance is seen/felt it is not meant at all.
Many many thanks for you and Robertji and Shri Ramana and Shri Maharaj and Rajivji.
L. London, UK
How are you?
I understand you are going through these confusing experiences.
Don't try to figure them out. This will make you more confused and frightened.
These experiences have nothing to do with you. They are just happenings in consciousness and you are beyond them all. Do not fear them. They are nothing and cannot touch you. Your true nature is peace. You are already feeling it growing. That grace brought you to this blog.
Download the attached book. Print it out. Read it every morning slowly. This will become your life. Read it as if God is speaking to you. ponder what it says. Meditate on it.
The focus of your meditation shall become you, not all those experiences which mean little. The peace will grow and spread.