On Sat, Feb 13, 2010 at 7:46 AM, r. wrote:
Hello. It is 2 weeks since you sent me the manual. A few general observations that became obvious.
I am feeling so liberated and light. Vegetarian way of life feels good (began to eat meat whilst on Kundalini path with last guru's instructions). The self seems the most natural abode. Tendency to yap is so diminished silence seems right and natural.Feeling connected to Robert and yourself.Before coming to you I used to have a mild tendancy to avoid being with my children. Not being an absent mum or anything but just busying myself with stuff and nonsense. That tendency is gone I am sitting down with them completely settled within. Nothing big but big difference in the way it feels and they must also perceive the difference.
That is all I can think at the moment. There have been very fuzzy days memory wise and some very clear days and some not so clear.I am sleeping heavily and dreams are clearer. During the day eyes feel heavy as if intoxicated. Pain in ankles.
Now about the manual and what followed it.
The words drown me deep into the silence. In the begining I struggled to pinpoint the 'I am'. It was, to begin with a sensation in the heart. After a lot of groping in the dark I asked Ramana and Robert to guide me where I needed to be. It came to the naval area but as a centre point of all void. For a day or two I looked into this centre of the void and then read you saying The looking "for" is the problem; the looker is already complete and at rest.The way it is now I with attention in my stomach with a subjectiveness rather than looking for something or at something. Atleast that is what I think I am doing!
For days I could not put into words to what was being experienced whilst sitting this way. It is completely devoid of any movement of thought or emotion.
On more than one occasions I had hot water bottle burning my feet, got sucked into self inquiry and not only the burning went the 'body sensation' went away too. Movement on the outside is perceived very faintly. Number of times my husband spoke to me and I could not open my eyes, He came and left. luckily he knows me I am mental!
The best I can describe it is as a deep sleep. My body also behaves as if it is fast asleep too, my neck flopping left and right and back. but I am wide awake. The clinging to getting enlightened softening and gone yet the target remains.
I understand that keeping at it is the right thing to do but at the same time it has begun to feel that effort is the most insignificant link in the chain. This enquiry that sucks into itself is more like the labour of love than any effort or striving on my part.
A slight concern about feeling of reassurance that the truth will reveal itself. I fear it might be mind playing tricks. It is wierd and slightly frightening.
Overall I feel peaceful, light and complete than ever before and the 'Kingdom of God' so to say feels closer than ever.
Your ongoing blessings and guidance is so needed. Heartfelt thanks.
You are shooting like an arrow towards your target.
You are begining to feel the Grace of Consciounsness pulling you ever deeper inside. That love and acceptance you feel, is you, discovering you.
Your autopilot is working perfectly!