Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

Dear Ed,


Thank you so much for the recent writings. They have helped to catapult my attention (once again) from the dream to the real. I am delving thoroughly into your website.


You have a balanced approach which appeals to me.


My first remembered realization was when I was eleven and realized awareness of awareness…however, it was soon couched in ego attention.


There was a long period of ego indulgences which altered after a substantial realization in 1988. This lead me on a path of spiritual seeking which eventually brought me to read Robert’s ‘Silence of the Heart’ and Nisargadatta’s “I Am That” twice. Shortly after that, during a silent retreat, the mind dropped for about 1.5 hours. It was as if the bottom fell out of whatever I thought I was. Whatever supported attention to ego-mind dropped. There was recognition (re-membering) that we are ALL…full empty voidness.


Two weeks later while walking in a forest, the body stopped moving and there was a realization that ‘i’ had never existed. All this was followed by a state of bliss which lasted for months. However, this was then followed by a very dark period…since, as some teachers say, the opening allowed the vasanas (negative tendencies) to arise, which they did!


For many years I also listened to / followed the California advaitins, as you call them. I see where the admonishment that nothing more needed to be done was taken by the ego-mind as an excuse to indulge once again in its follies. “I’m awake, so I can just do whatever…I have no control over anything and nothing matters anyway”…where attention was focused was not noticed, and I walked a treadmill to nowhere.


Some months ago I found your writings. After reading your experiences with awakening in the shower, I went to the shower and experienced a huge opening. However, it did not persist more than an hour. Whenever I read your writings, my attention is moved to truth, but it always returns to the false (so far).


So, there is a desire to anchor this awareness in Truth. Only in this way can I serve the whole. Perhaps the awakening is coming to all of humanity and there is nothing to “do”, perhaps not. Whatever, I feel inclined to give full attention to that which is important which is to focus on Truth and live from what I “know” myself to be. However, it feels like I need assistance to move in this way. There are deep psychological patterns which limit love expression.


Is it possible to work with you?


If so, how do you see it taking place?


I prefer talking, which I can do through Skype.


Tom, I prefer email for now.


Yes, Tom, whatever you achieved melted away because of lack of persistence in practice. Take a look at the next post, Jim Carey talking about his awakening after reading Tolle books.


You spend most of your life going outwards. This needs to be balanced by go inwards and exploring inwardly as much time as you spend exploring the world.


So, I am sending the Gita. Download it, print it out and read it every morning. Reflect on what it says then meditate--dwell attention on an abide in, the I exist sense, I Am. Do this again in the evening.


Report back in a week or so.


Ed