Another student writes about Satsang and retreats

Edji,

Regarding the April retreat, do you already have any envisaged date now (sorry to ask again)?

I am about to commit to something else for Saturday the 26th April for which I can no longer postpone the answer... I really hope that day does not overlap with the retreat... -

I have also been wanting to share with you what in my view is one of the reasons why so many open up to you: it is your "A thought for all Time" which you recently posted on the blog.

Since a while, I have been thinking why in essence I find your book (and blog) so very brilliant - or should I rather say touching, heart-opening, alive, authentic, direct, clear, illuminating and creating deep acceptance in me.

It is not only that the book is so nicely written, and explains uniquely well what I have been wanting to understand since long, and much beyond.

But one of the core characteristics of your book is also that you in fact speak so disarmingly open about yourself and how consciousness manifests itself in/through you, including by describing what we humans consider unpleasant (e.g. depression) but of course also including what we all seek, bliss/love. As a reader, I then naturally open myself to you. Others must be feeling the same.

Yesterday, you wrote out a letter from someone criticizing you (that Robert would have never approved what you are saying/doing). Of course, I don't know Robert, and I cannot judge. But that criticism really makes no sense to me at all. It would have been a blessing if Robert had shared more of his inner experiences with others so that those reading his transcripts do not start creating false or "idealized" images of what realization (or the path to realization) is about. (I am not even going to ask the question whether that criticizer is himself as open about his own state of being as you have been.)

For me, your writings and satsangs are simply a blessing.

Thank you again and again for being there and for yesterday's satsang!! You and Deeya mean so very much to me!

Love, H.

http://siriusink.blogspot.com/

Email from a student who actually wants to stay with me for a bit

Dear Ed,

I think letting emotions run freely and also expressing negative emotions within certain boundaries is one of the most beneficial aspects of your teaching.

I’ve seen a lot of havoc created because of people (both in spiritual and not so spiritual circles) trying to repress or hide their emotions.

My father is a choleric which was quite difficult to deal with especially when I was smaller, and with Buddhism, I got even deeper into trying to avoid such behavior myself (which is impossible). Now I feel that by viewing certain emotions as “poison” like the Buddhist scriptures say I was heading down a path I really wouldn’t want to finish.

I find it very healing to not stifle any emotions but truly being able to experience them as much as possible, not with vipassana-style distance but heartfelt and from within the emotions. They are like delicious spices added to the I Am-soup.

However I also have to say it can be quite scary and difficult… Sometimes I’m really scared of my own potential for violence.

Some people really don’t like me because I sometimes get angry very easily or show emotions they’d rather not have me show them.

I can understand Charlie because I’m also a bit afraid of what the Dragon full of surprises might do…

But I bet being close to the fire is a marvelous experience after all, no matter what (or exactly because of what?) the Dragon might cough up!

You are truly one in a million-billion-trillion, Ed :)

SatsangToday, Sunday March 9, 2014--NOTICE==DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME

DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME BEGAN TODAY.  BUT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS IN EUROPE DOES NOT BEGIN UNTIL MARCH 30.  THEREFORE WE WILL KEEP OUR SATSANG AT THE SAME TIME FOR EUROPE AT LEAST THIS TIME.  THUS WE WILL BEGIN SATSANG AT 3 PM THIS SUNDAY.

GO TO http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com.

Sign in with the password "edji" used on two different screens. Please then mute your microphones.

TOPIC WILL BE:  FUTURE OF SATSANGS IN LOS ANGELES.

AMost Astounding and Touching Email to Me

I received Big Time Shaktipat meeting Baba in Santa Monica in 1980. When he left America I joined him in India until maja samhadhi (ecstatic time for me).

I remember Gopalananda was white as a ghost as we got to view Baba's body. I couldn't relate to what I saw as all propped up in a bed. Realized Baba WAS the Shakti that animated my Guru. I remained in SYDA but never could relate to Gurumayi as Baba resided in me very strongly. Strangely enough Adyashanti told me Baba just passed me on to him. I don't know about that but. My bhakta path ended with grief and sorrow and after that the "intensities" began to roto-rooter my being.

I see now it was just Kundalini Energy but I did not have the framework in a Zem/Advaita setting to know what was happening. I just trusted Adya knew the territory because I was close to going over the edge. That path simply ended on its own and with it my "spiritual persona." Nevertheless, I felt something was living me because I sure as hell knew I was not hearing/tasting/seeing/thinking etc. Very joyful to have that as an experience that does not go away.

THEN I MET YOU AND DEEYA  through the Rick archer interview. HALLELUIA I WENT TO Kindle My Heart/org and couldn't believe I had come full circle JYOTA SE JYOTA JAGAVO. 

I had a deep and full experience of Deeya's healing near the end of the interview and since it's taken nearly 30 years since Baba's Shaktipat to pry open my heart (ha ha)
during that healing via cyberspace...BANGITY BANG


I knew that Heart was not "outside me" (like I loved Baba) BUT was my own love. MY OWN all the time. I HAVE DONE NOTHING ALL DAY BUT WATCH YOUR VIDEO'S ON YOUR WEBSITE. 

I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW FINALLY I "get" what you are saying because I have the experience but no one confirmed it in me...I was my own confirmation just listening to you as each video seemed to confirm what had not risen to claim as my own (I have known for some time I lead a blessed life because I didn't see the "yuck" really as yuck. Sorry for my expression. 

YES YES AND MORE YES to this Rumi saying: God keeps breaking your heart until it stays open. Dogs have done that for me and I make a difference in ways that open my heart more.

I love you Ed and the strangest thing is that I probably saw you at the Santa Monica Ashram in the 80's because I left my life behind and moved into it after Shaktipat. I am 80+ years old and YES< YES YES exceedingly full of energy.  Now I know why it seems strange to people and explainable (I thought it was genes) Ha Ha. That Baba was a rascal and was the eventual death of who I thought I was.

A Thought for all Time:

Hide Nothing!  Never hide your fear or pain. Never hide feelings. Never hide your spiritual experiences.  Use everything to teach others and also yourself through expression.

Don't hide you past and assumed mistakes.  Be open with both your love and anger.  Do not stifle or hide your neediness and attachment.  Do not hide your disappointment, loathing, or any vulnerability.

Always walk nakedly open with others, but be gentle in expressing your truth.  Know the impact it will have on others, especially those who love you and adjust your speech thusly.

The Simplicity and Power of Self-Realization Vs. Other Awakenings

The vastness of emptiness, awakenings, and spiritual experiences is endless, but among them all, the most powerful and the simplest is Self-Realization: realizing who and what you are with unshakable self-confidence. You are more than just the body, you are also Consciousness itself which contains and is the entire manifest world. You are also bliss, joy and rest, as well as an energetic body that interacts with the world on unseen levels. You are also the Absolute, the Witness, aloof and separate from Consciousness as the ultimate observer.

But Self-Realization as used here is discovering the world of spirit, consciousness, and the epitome of Consciousness, the Self and Its connection with the divine. Ramana called this realization of the Self as realizing Atman, and Nisargadatta, as Turiya, or Satchitananda.

 

Interview of Deeya and I with Rick Archer

This is the Batgap interview with Rick Archer.

NEW VIDEO-SPIRITUAL INTELLIGENCE: WHAT IS REAL IN SPIRITUALITY?

Ending confusion in your spiritual life. Self-Realization as a tangible experience of the manifest world and divine within you; discovery of Atman. No difference between the guru and a student except years of preparation and exploration. We are all the same essentially as life forms, but differ in abilities, functionality, artistry, sensitivity, AND physical bodies.  But the essence, Consciousness and Self as its epitome, are the same for all.

RESPONSE TO MY VIDEO THE ALPHA AND OMEGA OF SELF-REALIZATION

I am moved out of love to email you and say Thank You. I have been through the spiritual jungle and stumbled upon you and your site and had an experience of clarity and understanding.

I just recently watched a video of yours, "The Alpha and Omega of Self Realization" and your presence and guided meditation sent my body into a beautiful recognition. Energy opened up in me that made me want to cry, laugh and holler like a mad man. It ended with just a pulsing of presence and love, so energetically delicious… what beauty i have been missing for some time and have not fully appreciated! 

I have been doing self inquiry and abiding as presence before coming upon you, having moments and periods of love, openness and insight but you facilitated something deeper, more serious and mature something that made my mind and heart say, "Stop fooling around like you have been with spirituality and GET TO IT ALREADY!". 

I cannot be more grateful. The weaving together of devotion and wisdom, devotional advaita, naturally slipped right into my heart. This seems to be much needed for many like myself, devotion and wisdom. The heart has been wanting to be invited to the table all along, no wonder i thought i was missing a guest! 

I will keep up with your website and make use of the resources and your clarity and guidance. I do plan to join in on satsangs online. Thank You Ed. 

No Satsang Today

Had a long interview with Rick Archer of Batgap yesterday and need some time off.

I have posted five recent videos of Satsangs on FB and this blog to review. The Alpha and Omego of Self-Realization is especially good.

Love,

Ed

Bentinho Massaro Versus Unshakable Self-Realization

Only about 1/3 of this video offers a critique of Massaro's teachings and methods. The rest of the Satsang is about going deeper into one's inner world, following the I Am sensation with love, acceptance, and invitation, arriving finally at the Bliss/Body, the Source of I Am, AKA Turiya, or Atman, or Krishna Consciousness.

This is so far from the material and relationship successes that Bentinho touts as the goal of life: continued successful actualizing one's desires for continual happiness in this world.  It just does not work that way.

You have to go far deeper than the 5 second inwardness he preaches will allow you to go.  It requires dedication, but also a softness, an acceptance of yourself all the way down to your roots.

Some say there is no Self, and this is the big thing now in spirituality, but there is, and you can find it.  You, the searching Self can find your own Self, and thereby discover that it is grounded in the divine.  Just as Christ was both Jesus and God, so are you.

This discovery requires more than 3 to 5 seconds.

Our way is that of devotional Advaita, using love to accelerate Self-Realization, love of another, of God, of a child or an animal.  It can be turned within to love one's own Self, and thereby entice it to reveal itself to you.

The Alpha and Omega of Self-Realization

Self-Realization in the tradition of Devotional Advaita, which is using love,acceptance of everything human inside, devotion to others or oneself, to find out for sure who you are, which is a Self that is both human and divine. 

This is a complete video explaining the difference between Self-Realization and other paths, what the experience of Self-Realization is like, how to get it via Self-Investigation with love, wonder, flirtatiousness with the Self. The awakening of Shakti, first as Subtle Body energies, then deeper energies of love and bliss of Turiya, the Atman.

This could be my best video.

Is there a "Real" Self, or does the Self have many aspects and dimensions?

What is Self? Some say there is a "real Self" apparently different from a false one, an ego. But after Self-Realization comes the KNOWLEDGE that all is Self. The sense of I Am, of identity, appears to deepen and broaden and gradually includes everything, including transcendent aspects of Self Like the Subtle, Causal, and Love/Bliss (Turiya) bodies of classical Advaita, and even beyond that, parabrahman, the Absolute, the Witness.

But Robert used to say these were just words. What is your experience of your Self? Do you have one? Have you investigated the I Am sense and found bliss, ecstasies, joy, incredible energies that seem to liberate the body as well as one's sense of presence? The technique of loving and following the I Am sensation to the root of one's being opens a new world of knowledge, and of Knowing, even without an object to be known, as well as pure Love, without an object to love. All of these things are within you if you look for them, as well as a sense of completion, joy, and groundedness.

Link: http://youtu.be/Q2ZmGoYvqyM

VIDEO: There is a fine line between madness and enlightenment--Robert Adams

It is not all bliss and divine energies that are encountered by those who seek the Self.  Consciousness has many "layers" such that inner exploration is much like exploring new lands were for 18th Century explorers. 

One encounters Subtle Body energies, Kundalini phenomena, porous boundaries of unitary Consciousness, No-self emptiness, the Void, the Void filled by the light of Consciousness, and for many, experiences of the world of shamans, astral projection, and awareness of a hidden world underneath the conventional world.

Some of these experiences can be frightening or even terrifying and may require medications to solidify boundaries and abate anxiety, and are not unlike hallucinatory experiences of a mental disorder.  That is, there is a fine line between madness and enlightenment.

Introduction to Devotional Advaita

Self-Realization in the tradition of Devotional Advaita, which is using love,acceptance of everything human inside, devotion to others or oneself, to find out for sure who you are, which is a Self that is both human and divine.

This is a complete video explaining the difference between Self-Realization and other paths, what the experience of Self-Realization is like, how to get it via Self-Investigation with love, wonder, flirtatiousness with the Self.  The awakening of Shakti, first as Subtle Body energies, then deeper energies of love and bliss of Turiya, the Atman.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOwSqPrL4R0&feature=youtu.be

ONLINE SATSANG SUNDAY FEBRUARY 23, 2PM CALIFORNIA TIME

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 23 SATSANG, 2PM CALIFORNIA TIME

COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF-INQUIRY, SELF-ABIDANCE AND THE SELF.

First we'll talk about what the Self is experientially, energetically,and emotionally. The physical basis for the magic of Consciousness and of the Self through following the I Am sense.

Then we will explore techniques and cite a couple of guiding books. Then there will be a guided meditation.
Go to http://satsangwithedji.weebly. com.  Sign in on two different screens with the password "edji."  Mute your microphone above the video box to prevent noise until asked to talk.

Thank you!

Self-Realization through devotional self-inquiry

Forget what you have read about enlightenment and self-realization,  There are many spiritual paths and many endpoints that have nothing in common.  There is no one"enlightenment."  Even Self-Realization is of two kinds: Absolute or ultimate Witness that is unseeable, unknowable, and unmanifest, and the manifest Self, aka Atman, Shakti, Sentience, I, or me.

Zen, most Buddhism, neo Advaita and other paths have nothing to do with the manifest Self.  It does not exist for them.  They talk about beingness, the Now, the Witness, emptiness, nothingness, etc., but are adamant that a Self does not exist, at least a manifest Self, either of the human variety, or of Atman, God embodied in the flesh, which is also us.

Traditional Advaita, Sufism, Chrisitanity, Hinduism, and a few others, talk about a Self, or Atman, that is both human and divine.

This video is about devotional advaita leading to realization of oneself as both human and divine shared Consciousness or Self-awareness by use of loving and devotional self-acceptance through self-abiding.

SUNDAY FEBRUARY 23 SATSANG, 2PM CALIFORNIA TIME

COMPLETE GUIDE TO SELF-INQUIRY, SELF-ABIDANCE AND THE SELF.

First we'll talk about what the Self is experientially, energetically,and emotionally. The physical basis for the magic of Consciousness and of the Self through following the I Am sense.

Go to http://satsangwithedji.weebly. com.  Sign in on two different screens with the password "edji."  Mute your microphone above the video box to prevent noise until asked to talk.

Thank you!

Ramana’s Self-Realization Experience in his own words with commentary:

It was about six weeks before I left Madura for good that a great change in my life took place . It was quite sudden. I was sitting in a room on the first floor of my uncle’s house. I seldom had any sickness and on that day there was nothing wrong with my health, but a sudden, violent,  fear of death overtook me. There was nothing in my state of health to account for it; and I did not try to account for it or to find out whether there was any reason for the fear. I just felt, ‘I am going to die,’ and began thinking what to do about it. It did not occur to me to consult a doctor or my elders or friends. I felt that I had to solve the problem myself, then and there.

The shock of the fear of death drove my mind inwards and I said to myself mentally, without actually framing the words: ‘Now death has come; what does it mean? What is it that is dying? This body dies.’ And I at once dramatized the occurrence of death. I lay with my limbs stretched out stiff as though rigor mortis had set in and imitated a corpse so as to give greater reality to the enquiry. I held my breath and kept my lips tightly closed so that no sound could escape, so that neither the word ‘I’ or any other word could be uttered.

‘Well then,’  I said to myself, ‘this body is dead. It will be carried stiff to the burning ground and there burnt and reduced to ashes. But with the death of this body am I dead? Is the body ‘I’? It is silent and inert but I feel the full force of my personality and even the voice of the ‘I’ within me, apart from it. 

So I am Spirit transcending the body. The body dies but the Spirit that transcends it cannot be touched by death. This means I am the deathless Spirit.’ All this was not dull thought; it flashed through me vividly as living truth which I perceived directly, almost without thought-process. ‘I’ was something very real, the only real thing about my present state, and all the conscious activity connected with my body was centred on that ‘I’. 

From that moment onwards the ‘I’ or Self focused attention on itself by a powerful fascination. Fear of death had vanished once and for all. Absorption in the Self continued unbroken from that time on. Other thoughts might come and go like the various notes of music, but the ‘I’ continued like the fundamental sruti note  that underlies and blends with all the other notes. Whether the body was engaged in talking, reading, or anything else, I was still centred on ‘I’. Previous to that crisis I had no clear perception of my Self and was not consciously attracted to it. I felt no perceptible or direct interest in it, much less any inclination to dwell permanently in it.

-------------------

     Those who follow conventional spirituality talk about purifying the ego until it disappears, or about destroying or sublimating the mind or ego in order for this kind of awakening to happen.  They use terms of various kinds of Samadhis and purified states.

Here Ramana talks about his own I sense to be something actual and real. Further, his self-awareness of I from then on was constant: “Other thoughts might come and go like the various notes of music, but the ‘I’ continued like the fundamental sruti note  that underlies and blends with all the other notes. Whether the body was engaged in talking, reading, or anything else, I was still centred on ‘I’.”

     Those neo Advaitins that talk about no I thought, No-I sensation, no object I at all, no-self, or no separate self, are completely contradicted by Ramana’s experience and my own.  Or the Zen monks who experience emptiness or the Void all the time, and also say there is no I or no Self are also contradicted. Both talk about the I-thought being imaginary, a fiction, but the sense of I-Am is real, and can be found in that emptiness.

     Instead of trying to get rid of the I, or the I-sense, we need to find its origin deep within us in our heart of hearts. The I is not to be purified out of existence.  It is the same I he always had but had never paid much attention to it before.

     Here, because of his fear, his energy, his mind and awareness was focused on just one thing, he was dying and what to do about it.

     Here is where he utterly agrees with Nisargadatta, who practiced abiding in the I-Am for three years and realized his Self by him self.

     Both recognized that the body, alone, was insentient.  Without the inner I that felt fear, love, had thoughts, experienced his body and the world through the body, the body was no different than a rock. Without me, this body is the same as a rock.  I bring the dead alive sheerly by the force of my own sentience.

     Ramana made a great discovery:

"But with the death of this body am I dead? Is the body ‘I’? It is silent and inert but I feel the full force of my personality."

    From the body Consciousness arose, but they are not the same material. He now believed he was Consciousness with the sense of I in the center.  From then on he was always fixated on his own Self, the full force of his personality, as a single constant note pervading all his activities.

     The problem with Ramana’s technique of self-inquiry is that the Self can be entirely missed by the investigating mind because the body is so tamped down, as is the Self within, draped in conventional thinking about one’s Self, about one’s role, job, family, politics, etc., that few ever experience the “Full force of my personality,” which means my aliveness, my life force, my me.

     This is why so many traditions emphasize practices to build meditation power (Joriki), or the opposite power of Grace (Koriki) developed through love and surrender.

     But they miss the point because repetitious practices leave you sort of dead unless they have immediate results.  Beginners often make spectacular progress because of their initial eagerness and intensity, but then the intensity wanes and the mind becomes dull through repetitious dwelling in emptiness, the Void, or endlessly asking “Who am I?”

     The self-realization requires aliveness, intensity, and focus that half-hearted meditations never come to.  You need that intensity of a beginner not constrained by ideas of what he should find within, such as no I.

     However, the act of intense love can generate that same kind of intensity and focus Ramana had, where “The full force of my personality” really means something.  Intense love creates intense energies and ratchets up one’s inner force and energies 10-fold or more, and when continued, creates an internal power possible only to the greatest yogis, but does so for people sensitive enough to love completely.  Love generates ecstatic experiences as well as the experience of oneself as intense energy, as Shakti, as pure sentience, pure knowingness, and pure love.

     Even if you are not capable or lucky enough to experience over-the-hill-insane love, you can practice loving your own self by finding it within, and abiding in it, combining self-abidance with self-love.  As almost all of our Sangha experience, you begin to experience ecstatic states that focus your attention deeply inwards, which allows you to dive deep within, rather than with merely dry self-inquiry, or dry pranayama and visualization exercizes.  It is a “natural way,” using what humans naturally do to find one’s Self as I, or as me.  None of this purifying the ego nonsense.  You see your inner self as it is, pure sentience, pure power and light.

Another letter from "Sex with a bull"

If you want me to ghost write your next book, just say so. I may start copyrighting my various missives to you. Some day I might be able live on the royalties. I'll have my people call your people, we'll take a meeting at the Ivy. I want the paparazzi to see me with the infamous love guru. We'll end it there, leaving lots of material for a sequel, perhaps a trilogy. Who do you want to play you in the movie? There will absolutely be a film or two in this. I'm seeing Alicia Keyes as Janet. Now Deeya is crucial to get right, hum. Not easy, she may have to play herself. Which leaves you. I would have gone with Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but now...I know the British actor Michael Gambon. See its all coming together....soon you'll have enough money to buy the Michael Jackson Wonderland property for the ashram. Just don't start wearing all white clothes everyday or dressing in ocher colored silk with oiled hair like the very likable Swami Ji. The True Love Guru! Alright I'm sure you've already posted my first royalty check, the one for the infamous " I feel like I just had sex with a bull, a great big bull." line. I should have had my agent demand double for the use of that line. Well, I'm feeling charitable, I might throw in the ISIT or is it ISIP line free this time., or donate the royalties to the Ramana Ashraman. No to Nisargadatta historic house fund., that would really irk Rajiv. Oh well, this will send me to self inquiry hell already. God, what if hell is doing Implosive self inquiry for ever???? I'm sunk then. Think I'll go eat some ice cream right out of the carton. Good night, Oh Great Cooker! Ed: Dear Bull, How about Jeff Bridges? Love your growing freedom and reanimating your body. May the Force be with you!

Another new student writes.....

Dear Edji,

   I hope you are doing well. I would really like to share with you what has been happening to me and would deeply appreciate it if i could get your guidance. Last night i was laying in bed abiding in the I AM and so many things were happening I feel i need you to tell me what i should do.
 
    I feel i am the space/emptiness that pervades all and the more the I concept gets relinquished the more bliss arises in the heart. Normally I see a void interspersed with various deep blue hues but today I saw the lights starting to go red and as i penetrated deeper into the I sense as formlessness, again very strong 'sacred' smell arose within my being. I often feel the right side of the heart and the energy descending there from the brain. These fragrances arose 3 times and I was very startled by this phenomena as I felt dragged down into this smell. It feels like as i go into a 'blackness' the smell arises and then I come out of it again because its so startling. Also the energies of the body were continuously being activated becoming very hot and the heart chakra was very active. There was a vision of a woman which made bliss arise also. However then suddenly there was a great fear, not of anything, it just arose and i almost became identified with it, but then i knew it was just consciousness and it transformed into bliss again which made me cry out.
 
    I feel your grace strongly after coming to satsang, the spiritual transmission is very powerful. Just by hearing your voice, watching your videos activates blissful feelings and heats up my belly, heart and brain. Also I notice how after coming to your satsang for 4 weeks now, thoughts automatically are becoming distant from me. Before coming to satsang i wash't aware of this spacious emptiness that pervades all but now I am aware of the 'space' very clearly and its like I'm not doing anything but the relinquishing of the egoic I concept and abiding as the space is happening on its own accord. Its like just being with you is rewiring energetic and spiritual connections for realization of Self.

What is also crazy is reading Nisargadattas Self Knowledge and Self Realization activates the energies too A LOT, is that His transmission or Yours because it feels the same! Or the lineage! WOW!

       Should i just continue abiding as the space? I notice that I'm still witnessing this space but I cannot turn around to see who it is since if i 'do' anything it'll just be another occurrence in the space. What about these fragrances?
 
    I really hope to be able to come to LA in April, I hope the college will let me off. But that doesn't matter anyway, since I don't even exist! So ill probably come! Seriously, coming to your satsang gets rid of concepts automatically has made me lack motivation and ambition to do anything (i am in music school, violinist/composer), I but I feel more and more free by the day! Also I notice a great compassion for others, and a great reluctance to eat meat. Prior to coming to satsang I was non vegetarian but now I cannot eat meat at all. There is just  a bad feeling in the body/mind even thinking about eating it.

With so much gratitude

Love A

-----------------------

Dear Beautiful A

Thank you for your beautiful letter.

More than just observing the space, try to best locate the I-sense in you wherever it is located, and play with the I-sense, love it.

Nisargadatta’s self-knowledge and self-realization describes his own awakening as a Bhakta in the 1930s.  Later he changed into being more of a Jnani and other books followed. Reading Apte’s Nisargadatta Gita is always helpful.

Do not try to turn around and look for the Witness, the Looker.  Leave that for later.  I want you to know your Self as the manifest divine who is always in and with you. Later you can go beyond that.

So focus on the I-sense, that inner awareness in you of being you alive.

Love,

Ed

-------------

Dear Edji,

Your reply has given me so much joy! I read it out loud and my heart expands and the energies activate. The words of the Sage are all powerful and sacred!

I feel the I sense in the heart, and as i penetrate deeper into the feeling of I, like the big 'I' (not the I egoic entity that manifests), the feeling moves distinctly into right side of the heart. Its amazing to dis-identify with the body/mind and just be with the sense of presence, when interacting with others  the energetic presence automatically extends across the 'space' and touches them. 

Those divine fragrances caused so much happiness, yet they come out of the emptiness. Consciousness is full of mystery and wonder and meditating really feels like going back to who I AM, definitely not this Ausar persona as an individual, what a joke!

I will attend to the I sense more now rather than just the space. Its like centered within the totality of space, is the happiness feeling in the heart and a energetic locus. Loving it increases the peace and happiness also loving the I amness emptiness thats within and without also increases the blissful feelings. I have the Nisargadatta Gita and i'll read it again.

A STUDENT WRITES TO ME ABOUT PURIFICATION AND EMBODIMENT

I've only been half way in my body for my whole life. I'd like to be a fully embodied human being, woman even, before I die. No time any more for self pity. I want to get dirtier, not be purified.

When I was married, at a very young age, my husband, a naturopathic doctor, nearly purified me to death with colonics, kelation therapy, sex therapy, carbigen therapy....this one was particularly gruesome, breathing in carbon monoxide until you start to suffocate which then throws your consciousness out of the body. That was supposed to solve my problems with dissociation. Surprising to him, I dissociated into catatonia instead.

Spare me from any more communal cults, Kundalini practice, fasting, wheat grass and generally everything for cleansing one's soul or colon! Especially the "Implosive Self Inquiry Technique" that Rajiv has created. Just shoot me instead, it would be more merciful!

OK diatribe is over. Wow I feel better, lighter. No special uniforms, robes, kasas, crowns or bejeweled Tiaras either.

HOW MARVELOUS AM I

Until now I did not know how marvelous I am.

Until now I thought I was my body making my way in life interacting with other bodies.

Then I saw a dead body.  It had no life and was no different than a rock.

If it were not for me my body would be as dead as a rock!

I am that which brings my body and all bodies alive; I am sentience; I am awareness; I am that which feels, sees, hears, tastes and touches.  I alone give life to these bodies of food.  I am the Self.

And after bringing sentience to this body, my awareness lights up the world, filling it with sounds, light, objects, thinking, and the vast emptiness that contains everything.

I alone am, for I am Life, Sentience, and the most marvelous thing, I am also aware of myself being aware of the universe that I create out of nothingness.  This is the discovery of all great sages: out of them flows awareness of Self as well as awareness of the world that appears external to me.  

In fact, it is all contained in me: awareness, the Life-Force, Sentience.

FROM A FORMER STUDENT AND ALSO A FORMER DETRACTOR:

Ed, that was one of the best talks you've ever given. i've listened to many of your talks, and trust me, you rocked it today. Such insight about the closeness between insanity and enlightenment. I had a friend in high school who was locked up in a mental hospital because he displayed psychic ability.

And a lovely bow to the feminine principal in Deeya and Imra. I think maybe the Mother will bless you if you continue to bow to her publicly.

Great work Ed, really. You shined as a teacher today. Real authority and humility balanced.

John

SATSANG TODAY, SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 8, 2PM CALIFORNIA TIME

TOPICS: A FINE LINE BETWEEN SELF-REALIZATION AND INSANITY...AND...GO SLOWLY; GO GENTLY; GO LOVINGLY.

Go to satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Sign in with the pasword "edji" on two different screens.

turn off your mike to prevent excess noise.

Love,  Ed

To understand Nisargadatta, you need to understand his teacher, Siddharameshwar such as found in Nisargadatta's book about his teachings called Master of Self-Realization.
Seeing the 'I' is just a concept is a Kintergarden awakening and not self-realization at all. Siddharameshwar and Nisargadatta (Consciousness and the Absolute) both put Self-Realization as the attaining and immersion in Turiya, also called by some the Love/bliss Body, or Krishna Consciousness (Nisargadatta Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization).

One gets there by following the sensation of "I Am," the "feeling" I Am down through the Subtle Body, the Causal Body of forgetfulness, down into the subtle essence of Consciousness itself in Turiya.

The is the dwelling place of Shakti and the manifest Self of bliss, knowledge and existence that Ramana talks about. This is where Ramana dwelled as did Nisargadatta most of his life.

But Siddharameshwar posited one further step: the Witness; the Absolute; the Unmanifest who was apart from Consciousness and which could never be known because it was beyond Consciousness. You could only be It, the Witness. During the last two years of his life Nisargadatta dwelt here. He was in pain, he was dying, and he identified more with the Witness, ParaBrahman.

Ramana did not posit a witness beyond Consciousness. If one were not aware of something, it did not exist. Consciousness was everything.

One can look at it this way: There are two Selves which are really one. The one Self of the Manifest universe was immersion in Turiya; on the other hand, there was the final Self of Nisargadatta and Siddharameshwar, identification with the Witness, being a witness. But you can say they are two sides of the same thing: the Self as Manifest and the Self as the Unmanifest.

But in neither case is Self the same as the conceptual self, the mind, the ego. That is left far behind during the first stages of either's path.

However, in a practical sense, they both shared the same Consciousness which is a primary identification with Turiya, but which also allowed them to identify with their bodies, emotions, pain, etc., as real life situations demanded.

My own teacher, Robert Adams, was ALWAYS in Turiya, and like Ramana, denied the need to create a Witness beyond Turiya. For him, Consciousness was self-contained, complete.

RAMANA VIDEO

Be aware that the Self Realization that Ramana talks about is not the same as that Nisargadatta talks about.  Ramana talks about the One Self, the source, but also the manifest.  The same as when I mention the unity of the divine and personal self.  The One manifests through the body/mind, but one's attention is always of that magnificent sentience within.

Maharaj talks about that which is beyond Consciousness, the witness, the unborn unmanifest.  That is why Robert Adams disagreed with Nisargadatta, saying "He added stuff" to Robert's more pure Advaita.

But anyway, watch the film and feel Ramana.  You can feel yourself.

"Diablo" becomes "Spirit" via mediation by an animal communicator

ONLINE SATSANG SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 2, 2 PM CALIFORNIA

GO TO http://satsangwithedji.weebly.com. Two entrance screens require the password "edji."  Then enter a username.  Please pause audio.

Tomorrow's satsang subject will be Love and Devotion.

Arunachala Live Image

From Deeya's wonderful http://kindlemyheartsflame.org website, I came across this gem of a website--an almost live view of Ramana's and Robert Adams' Mt. Arunachala accompanied by extraordinary chanting.

IF YOU WANT AN OBJECT FOR DEVOTION OTHER THAN A HUMAN, ANIMAL, OR GOD, USE THIS ONE:

http://www.arunachala-live.com/

You can check Deeya's website as well as this blog for our future retreats and Los Angeles Satsangs beginning in March 2014.

Thank you Deeya for the light of love you bring us all.

Bentino Massaro--AMENDED 1/29

Recently Bentinho Massaro has begun charging for skype sessions at a rate of $600 an hour. Receiving 80% negative responses on Facebook for this tactic, he concluded the only explanation possible was that people were jealous (of his success).

Bentinho never thought for a moment the 80% negative comments might be telling him something about his focus on turning spirituality into a quest of fulfilling desires, and feeling good, rather than focusing on Self-Realization, knowledge, and devotional service to others.

He added that feeling jealousy meant these negative people were ready to move on past their limiting and negative core self-judgments, and join him in personal and world abundance through adjusting their “vibration” levels so as to live in “Endless Well Being and Fulfilled Desires for All.”

How is this a spiritual life?  How is this different from what Gordon Gekko of Wall Street who said: “Greed is good. Greed is right. Greed works.”?

It works like the placebo effect. You feel better for a time because an authority gave you a medicine. Sometimes that is the only thing you needed for that illness of the moment and you report to the world your cure. But it is inevitable that the good news of that happiness fades and a few months later an even bigger "illness," psychological or spiritual, will manifest itself and you begin to see through the shallowness and repetitious nature of the medicine.

Fulfilling desires is an endless treadmill of goal-directed actions in order to stay happy through actualizing the self through successful acquisition of objects or implementations of goals. You are always on the run, climbing mountains in his case.

With Bentinho we find a young man, filled with himself and his mission, with the briefest understanding of pop psychology and feel good spirituality, preaching to an unsophisticated audience, “Follow me and I will help you get whatever you want.  I will free your fettered self to claim its world thereby actualizing your “higher self.”

Bentinho next said it did not strike him as odd or unusual at all to charge $600 an hour which was a frequent criticism.  In fact, he stated:

“I feel that what I offer is worth so much more than what I charge that I never feel like a fraud even if I would charge a million dollars.”

This is pure narcissism. He is so carried away by his “success” to this point, that he considers his words more valuable than gold.

Let us take a closer look at his methods.

His overarching belief is that it really does not matter what is going on in the now (our inner and outer world); our problems arise from core negative beliefs about ourselves, as well as negative evaluations of others and about what it happening in the world. What we need to do is identify those negative thoughts, realize they are our thoughts, and therefore we can toss them out and create a subjective world of “endless well-being and fulfilled desires for all” by getting rid of negativity and blocking concepts.

First of all, this method does not work except as a band aid for a moment.  It suggests he believes that just by changing our evaluations about ourselves and the world, we can get what we want. If it were only that simple.  This is just magical thinking.

Ending negative thoughts about ourselves can free us to a degree and certainly make us feel better, and even make us better able to function in the world. The technique of monitoring and dropping negative self-talk is part of cognitive behavioral psychology which is known for its short-time and short term fixes. 

It is also called cognitive reframing, where we look at some point of suffering in our lives, find the thoughts that cause guilt, depression, fear, or functional blockage, and find a new interpretation that dissolves the suffering.  This usually requires outside help to get out of our frame and cast the situation in a new and conflict-free light. That is where the $600/hour consultation comes in.

For Bentinho it is always the mind that is the problem.  If the mind gets rid of negative, self-defeating concepts, it magically opens a way for desires to be fulfilled. That is, feeling positively about goals creates situations whereby they will be fulfilled, either because the mind now can find ways to succeed, or magically, opportunities will open up because you “vibrate” on a “higher” level, and “resonate” with a “higher truth” of a “higher self.”

But these methods are only effective on the level of mind and emotions and goes no deeper into our Consciousness.  It only deals with thought forms and emotions arising in the Now, and can never get deeper into the Subtle body, the unconscious mind, the Causal Body, or the Love/bliss body (Turiya) that Ramana, Nisargadatta, and Robert Adams speak of. Nor is there much room for God or grace; salvation is always my doing.

Thomas Burns summarized the cultic implications of Bentinho’s method thus:

Ed, thank you for calling this. It isn't really about Bentinho. He is representative of the very natural tendency people have for an easy answer, and the 'teachers' that emerge to cater to that need. His new thrust of late has been a wholesale copy and paste of the Law of Attraction with an Advaita cloak, 'Believe it and you can be it'. Indeed! That snake oil prophesy has found a new messenger and as always needy and eager consumers.

Bentinho is not alone in his teaching a positive spin on spirituality. The spin is so compelling because it allows his followers (more like fans!) to believe that they too can be mythic heroes in their own transformation stories. Initially cognitive shifts, insights and good feelings can come. These temporary insights can seem very convincing and the 'good' feeling states themselves can be quite addictive. A state of bliss can be an efficient way to end any real curiosity about our odd and conflicted natures. It also leads to a trend of bragging on social media about MY story of how 'I' changed, the classic Before and After picture! This creates a very public echo chamber of bliss stories and the not so subtle invitation for others to join the bandwagon. Critical discernment suffers as people self censor to stay on the side of the new 'good feeling' norm and of course, as in the case of all manner of sect like thinking, criticism and critics are slowly and surely banished, or shamed to look at the their own so called 'limiting beliefs'.

Bentinho says we can identify the negative beliefs and get rid of them.  But who or what is the "we" who is doing all this, the I?  Surely it is the mind, and the mind cannot move beyond itself to the Self, to Turiya or even most of the Subtle Body and certainly not the unconsciousness, reachable only through psychotherapy with a trained analyst.

Accessing these levels requires entirely different methods, such as following the thread of ‘I Am’ to the root of Consciousness, where true happiness, true joy, Self-Realization, and utterly complete self-confidence lie because you have found yourself at your root, rather than on the surface in the Now where the objects, feelings, and understanding are constantly changing.

Bentinho has you dealing with whatever arises in awareness in the Now which will forever hide the source that is being reflected in the Now.  You will never reach the source, the true Self, the divine aspect of You, until you follow the thread of awareness of the I Am downwards into the Self.  Otherwise you stay on the surface and do pop cognitive/behavioral psychology.

Also, Bentinho’s method of taking frequent 3-5 second "inner breaks" to get a fresh view of "what is," certainly does not compare with hundreds or thousands of hours or meditation or self-inquiry required by Advaita and other traditions as a method of discovering all aspects of yourself.  Nor do those 3 second snatches allow you to really find the empty expanse of the interior space that contains all inner phenomena, and allows for the stillness necessary to experience Consciousness lighting up by means of its own awareness.

His method also requires us to abandon discriminative wisdom which is often critical, and which arises from experience. For example, wisdom allows us to see our realistic limits, such as having no talent, yet wanting to be a famous actor, artist, or mathematician with no math ability.  Using his method we would attempt to cast off that accurate recognition of our limits in order to free ourselves to become a successful actor or mathematician (fulfilled desire).  Our desires would be at war with our own wisdom about our limitations.

The same thing about the rest of the world: there really are “bad” things in the world that just don’t go away if we don’t judge them, from wars, to dictators, to environmental degradation, to animal cruelty. In this world, our empathy for the suffering of others leads us to compassionate action to change things for the better against the status quo acceptance of misery and pain as being part of life. We become our brothers’ keeper.

A CALL TO ACTION FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SERVE

This is the story of a woman who runs a cat sanctuary with over 700 cats.  She has saved over 19,000 cats over the years.

Her expenses are enormous.  Despite food manufacturers donating food, it still costs $200,000 to feed them. The total budget is around $600,000.

Unless she gets more help, the sanctuary is doomed.  This happens time after time as rescues take in more animals than they can feed, clean up after, and provide medical care. Most likely many will be consigned to the Fresno municipal shelters that have the third highest kill rate in the country.

If any of you have been looking for a place to do service, this is it. There are 25 employees, but I am sure their are also volunteers.

The Cathouse on the Kings is located in central California 4 hours North of Los Angeles in or near Fresno.

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/wild/videos/the-lady-with-700-cats/

The cats live in a 5-bedroom house on 11 acres of land.  Too bad we can't locate an ashram with a separate building on the property.

Their phone is: (559) 638-0490.

A PROGRAM TO MAKE AMERICA MEAT SCARCE

I believe the best and fastest way to a vegetarian world is the same way our government is trying to end smoking: through taxation. Let us pass a law imposing a progressive tax on all forms of meat, from mammals, to fish, to fowl.

FIRST, GET THE LAW PASSED

This requires finding all current statistics and articles on the social, health, and environmental costs of meat eating.

We need to quantify environmental costs and damages resulting from factory farming, from the poisoning of the aquifer, lakes and oceans, the land use costs, food and energy costs, methane costs, etc.

We need to quantify the health costs of eating fowl and mammals, as well as radiation and other contaminants in fish.  How many heart attacks, how much cancer and other diseases are caused or exacerbated by meat eating?  

Remember, the current worry about plagues is the jump of viruses from animal to man, such as the bird flu and swine flu.

We need then quantify how these costs impact each American (Mexican, European, Brit, Scot, etc.).

Urge the passage of a law providing for a progressive taxation of all meat consumption to offset the social, health and environmental costs.

This will be a multi-year effort, strictly emphasizing the social, environmental and health costs of meat eating.  We don’t want to make this a moral issue that will detract from the purely monetary issues of cost.

The law would tax farmed meat on a progressive basis, such as 50 cents the first year, followed by a tax increase of .50 to $1.00 each successive year.

The law would also tax hunted meat such as pheasant, pigeons, raccoon, opossum, deer, bear, moose, elk, goat and fish added to hunting license.
Imported and exported meat would be taxed also.

Would regulate and tax family style animal farming.

REVENUES WOULD BE USED TO:

1a. Research on vegetarian based alternatives to meat. That is, discovering recipes that duplicate the taste and texture of meat during the transition to a meat free society.  This would be a collaboration between government and private researchers.

1b. Subsidize these meat alternatives so that they are as inexpensive or less expensive than meat. 

1c. Publicly promote as well as subsidize alternative, vegetarian, food styles of non-meat diets.

2a. Publicity campaigns about the health risks of eating meat and the environmental pollution costs, just as we have anti-smoking labels on cigarettes, and on television.

2b. Taking this campaign into the schools.

2c. In the third year, begin to emphasize the moral problem of animal killing for food with lots of documentaries and ads against meat eating using footage from slaughter houses, fish processing, etc.

3a. Subsidize meat farmers to go out of the meat business into alternatives beginning the second year.  Offer training for farmers and butchers into other lines of business.

Deeya and Edji Touting Devotional Advaita

I explain it, tell you how to do it, and Deeya just does it.

www.KindleMyHeartsFlame.org (Deeya) has a wonder : What if together, Deeya and Edji (www.WeAreSentience.com) could reach every one of you here who feels empty, confused, lost, depressed or heartbroken, and with our connection awaken the Flame of Love in your heart, that same Flame we feel all the time : a Flame that enlivens, heals, brings both joy and peace? How do we bring that nectar of Love to you? 

You are actually never without that Love itself, you just need to feel it again long buried under memories of hurt, abandonment, cruelty, and pain, but how do we help you find it again?

Sometimes when we touch or wash a person’s feet, their heart bursts open and they cry openly and deeply. Sometimes when we look into someone’s eyes, we watch them soften and their body relax, and they sob with the joy of being Seen. Sometimes a long chant can bring that same heart-touching. There are so many ways: through words, holding hands, poems, hugging, Darshan, Shaktipat, or a picture.

Tell us how we can touch your heart. Let us help you feel deep Love and total self-acceptance of your beingness. Tell us how we can best reach you ... For almost every one of us who has lived to be 20 or 30 years old knows how cruel the world can be. For some, this understanding brings a hardening of their hearts. For others, it brings an opening of their hearts, a tremendous awareness of the suffering of others, and an openness to their pain.

If Kindle My Heart's Flame and We Are Sentience could serve any purpose, it would be to temper a bit the cruelty in this world by bringing to all the Love Christ promised and the Bliss of Krishna Consciousness. Remembrance. Freedom.

If this were to happen, maybe not to all, but to those who hearts are already awakened or are about to awaken, we could begin to ease the suffering in the world - by affecting Consciousness. We could bring more compassion to Consciousness itself.

All that we are is Consciousness, but in some it is dark and painful. What if you could feel the Life Force, the joy and Love that lies underneath all the emptiness and confusion—the Love and Life-Force that is always there, beneath the surface? What then?

Then we could say that the totality of Consciousness itself was awakening to its own Sattvic inner nature of unbridled Life and Love.

Then “we,” as human KIND, could truly begin to live as each other’s caretaker, and say with humility, “Yes, I Am my brother’s keeper. I Am a shepherd of all living things, from a blade of grass, to the worm, to every human being.”

Our world, our humanity, is really in need of healing, of caring, of sharing… Of rejuvenation for our future generations. And for that, the world needs YOU. And you are needed now.

You who through devotion and servitude to humanity will become so filled with the Bhaktic spirit of Life and pulse of Love through our connection that your hearts will heal those people, those animals, those hurting, those homeless, those hungry.

Come devote yourself to our Just Cause and watch our world change in our Communities' togetherness. Come BE the Conscience of Consciousness and help us guide you to the remembrance of Love and to exploring and feeling just how deep that Love really goes…

To this end, Deeya will now switch the Kindle My Heart's FlameCommunity Devotional Events over to a live broadcasting platform. The first of these transmissions will take place on Saint Valentine's Day, 14th February, the day of Love, and details of this will be announced in a couple of weeks' time.

Meanwhile, You are Truly Loved, Keep Holding On ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aOLqVshIM4w

A Zen Student Encounters a Strong Opening at Satsang

A series of emails was sent to me by a long time Zen student inquiring about her practice.  She had also downloaded my book and then attended a Sunday Satsang.  She encountered a very energetic and, we hope, life changing opening.  This is quite a common experience for those who come to Sunday satsangs: energetic openings or deeper understandings.

TO ME:

Energies running rampant in me suddenly. 1, 2, 3 chakras on fire. Sexual feelings, burning movement circular in lower abdomen. Hyper ventilating breath of fire. Energy trying to push up and out. Feels blocked below navel chakra 1, 2, exploding. What is going on? Trying to slow down burning hot pulsing in circles very low; can't sit down; slowing down feel burned inside vagina. Uterus white hot inside. Stuck below navel. Hara empty. dark icy energy circling What's happening Ed what's this energy trying to do? Go up? Out? Pain pelvis hot abdomen cold. Pelvis full abdomen empty. So tired. Sleep

ED: That is your Shakti girl. Don't tamp it. Let her rip. Loosen the belly.

TO ME:

I am trying not to resist. Quieted down. Now breathing heavy again. Belly is so cold. I had kundalini rise years ago during shaktipat w/ Madusudandasji, but not like this. Then it was straight up spine as he shot energy down from head. Was in trance four hours. Recapitulate birth over and over. Gave birth to self. Is this body waking up? Never felt circles of fire before. Lower back hurts;  feels like trying to give birth again. Not like Yogi Bhajan describe it. There I always go out top of head. He started me having trouble staying in body. His gonging sent me out of body to ceiling. No sure could come back. Except connecting cord there pulled me back in. Will shakyi push me out of body? Want to stay in body. Lower body raw but warm middle feels swollen now not so cold. Never felt this fire in circles before. Feels hot over kidneys. Come on shakti move move, move.

TO ME AFTER SATSANG:

Tonight i feel like I’ve wasted half my life with zen because i bought into the idea that emotions are something to watch go by without involvement.

ED:

So did I when I was in Zen. Consider it the trip back to the marketplace. Nothing lost. Bringing back Zen into your life, your body, and your particular fit in the marketplace of society.

You’ll find many spiritual traditions deal with emotions as something to be processed, observed, or to be released, leaving the practitioner “empty” of feelings after a while, supposedly in the restful peace of emptiness and “clarity.”  However, not only the “negative” emotions are dispended with, but all positive feelings too, such as love, caring, and often empathy.

TO ME: At least i can sit and concentrate; that’s what i got from zen. SHIT LAUGHING

ED: Yes, you gain much from Zen, and lose much too.

TO ME:

I’m just frustrated. My belly isnt opening up yet. It feels like im sitting on burning embers. Thank you for your teaching and help. i will send you and your kitties a donation

I must admit coming alive is wonderful and frightening.

ED:

YES IT IS; BOTH!

TO ME:  Is shakti the kundalini? feels so different, or maybe I’m different. I’m going to stop mentally obsessing and just go with whatever appears. seems like i've ended up too analytical from inquiry practice see there i go again. Hahaha

I swear though it feels like i had sex with a bull today. a really big bull!! Inever felt like that during a zen retreat!!

ED:

Just the beginning honey.

You have built up so much meditation power over the years, that you will have many Shakti experiences. Strong love can also cause the same sort of experiences.

TO ME:

My heart feels very soft tonight. My belly seems more pliable but still guarded. My pelvis feels alive with energy. Funny how my pelvis feels connected to my heart tonight. I felt my heart open like a blossom just a few minutes ago, which caused waves of sexual feeling whirling. I swear to god I can actually feel my root chakra vibrating. Wow!

This is almost intolerable....but...not quite...if I relax into the sensations instead of tightening up. Whoa... So intense. So this is Shakti, ... hunh...who knew?!?!?

If I told the teacher at the Zen center about these experiences, he would say, " Just ignore them and keep your question.".

Have I been spiritually snookered!?!? No, I won’t t go there. I like your version...I'm returning to the marketplace.

       

ED: You can expect Shakti to become a central focus in your life as it brings your body and sense of self back to life, and along with it, a sense of “presence,” which is you.  You will learn to separate your physical body from your energetic body or sense of presence.  By sitting for many years you have built much Samadhi power or Joriki.  This will now come back to you as grace, as Shakti removing faulty knowledge and blockages to your manifesting yourself.

Kundalini is just one form of Shakti.  Shakti is the generic terms for the energy of sentience, or the Life Force.