I hope you are doing well. I would really like to share with you what has been happening to me and would deeply appreciate it if i could get your guidance. Last night i was laying in bed abiding in the I AM and so many things were happening I feel i need you to tell me what i should do.
I feel i am the space/emptiness that pervades all and the more the I concept gets relinquished the more bliss arises in the heart. Normally I see a void interspersed with various deep blue hues but today I saw the lights starting to go red and as i penetrated deeper into the I sense as formlessness, again very strong 'sacred' smell arose within my being. I often feel the right side of the heart and the energy descending there from the brain. These fragrances arose 3 times and I was very startled by this phenomena as I felt dragged down into this smell. It feels like as i go into a 'blackness' the smell arises and then I come out of it again because its so startling. Also the energies of the body were continuously being activated becoming very hot and the heart chakra was very active. There was a vision of a woman which made bliss arise also. However then suddenly there was a great fear, not of anything, it just arose and i almost became identified with it, but then i knew it was just consciousness and it transformed into bliss again which made me cry out.
I feel your grace strongly after coming to satsang, the spiritual transmission is very powerful. Just by hearing your voice, watching your videos activates blissful feelings and heats up my belly, heart and brain. Also I notice how after coming to your satsang for 4 weeks now, thoughts automatically are becoming distant from me. Before coming to satsang i wash't aware of this spacious emptiness that pervades all but now I am aware of the 'space' very clearly and its like I'm not doing anything but the relinquishing of the egoic I concept and abiding as the space is happening on its own accord. Its like just being with you is rewiring energetic and spiritual connections for realization of Self.
What is also crazy is reading Nisargadattas Self Knowledge and Self Realization activates the energies too A LOT, is that His transmission or Yours because it feels the same! Or the lineage! WOW!
Should i just continue abiding as the space? I notice that I'm still witnessing this space but I cannot turn around to see who it is since if i 'do' anything it'll just be another occurrence in the space. What about these fragrances?
I really hope to be able to come to LA in April, I hope the college will let me off. But that doesn't matter anyway, since I don't even exist! So ill probably come! Seriously, coming to your satsang gets rid of concepts automatically has made me lack motivation and ambition to do anything (i am in music school, violinist/composer), I but I feel more and more free by the day! Also I notice a great compassion for others, and a great reluctance to eat meat. Prior to coming to satsang I was non vegetarian but now I cannot eat meat at all. There is just a bad feeling in the body/mind even thinking about eating it.
With so much gratitude
Dear Beautiful A
Thank you for your beautiful letter.
More than just observing the space, try to best locate the I-sense in you wherever it is located, and play with the I-sense, love it.
Nisargadatta’s self-knowledge and self-realization describes his own awakening as a Bhakta in the 1930s. Later he changed into being more of a Jnani and other books followed. Reading Apte’s Nisargadatta Gita is always helpful.
Do not try to turn around and look for the Witness, the Looker. Leave that for later. I want you to know your Self as the manifest divine who is always in and with you. Later you can go beyond that.
So focus on the I-sense, that inner awareness in you of being you alive.
Your reply has given me so much joy! I read it out loud and my heart expands and the energies activate. The words of the Sage are all powerful and sacred!
I feel the I sense in the heart, and as i penetrate deeper into the feeling of I, like the big 'I' (not the I egoic entity that manifests), the feeling moves distinctly into right side of the heart. Its amazing to dis-identify with the body/mind and just be with the sense of presence, when interacting with others the energetic presence automatically extends across the 'space' and touches them.
Those divine fragrances caused so much happiness, yet they come out of the emptiness. Consciousness is full of mystery and wonder and meditating really feels like going back to who I AM, definitely not this Ausar persona as an individual, what a joke!
I will attend to the I sense more now rather than just the space. Its like centered within the totality of space, is the happiness feeling in the heart and a energetic locus. Loving it increases the peace and happiness also loving the I amness emptiness thats within and without also increases the blissful feelings. I have the Nisargadatta Gita and i'll read it again.