I remember Gopalananda was white as a ghost as we got to view Baba's body. I couldn't relate to what I saw as all propped up in a bed. Realized Baba WAS the Shakti that animated my Guru. I remained in SYDA but never could relate to Gurumayi as Baba resided in me very strongly. Strangely enough Adyashanti told me Baba just passed me on to him. I don't know about that but. My bhakta path ended with grief and sorrow and after that the "intensities" began to roto-rooter my being.
I see now it was just Kundalini Energy but I did not have the framework in a Zem/Advaita setting to know what was happening. I just trusted Adya knew the territory because I was close to going over the edge. That path simply ended on its own and with it my "spiritual persona." Nevertheless, I felt something was living me because I sure as hell knew I was not hearing/tasting/seeing/
THEN I MET YOU AND DEEYA through the Rick archer interview. HALLELUIA I WENT TO Kindle My Heart/org and couldn't believe I had come full circle JYOTA SE JYOTA JAGAVO.
I had a deep and full experience of Deeya's healing near the end of the interview and since it's taken nearly 30 years since Baba's Shaktipat to pry open my heart (ha ha)
during that healing via cyberspace...BANGITY BANG
I knew that Heart was not "outside me" (like I loved Baba) BUT was my own love. MY OWN all the time. I HAVE DONE NOTHING ALL DAY BUT WATCH YOUR VIDEO'S ON YOUR WEBSITE.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW FINALLY I "get" what you are saying because I have the experience but no one confirmed it in me...I was my own confirmation just listening to you as each video seemed to confirm what had not risen to claim as my own (I have known for some time I lead a blessed life because I didn't see the "yuck" really as yuck. Sorry for my expression.
YES YES AND MORE YES to this Rumi saying: God keeps breaking your heart until it stays open. Dogs have done that for me and I make a difference in ways that open my heart more.
I love you Ed and the strangest thing is that I probably saw you at the Santa Monica Ashram in the 80's because I left my life behind and moved into it after Shaktipat. I am 80+ years old and YES< YES YES exceedingly full of energy. Now I know why it seems strange to people and explainable (I thought it was genes) Ha Ha. That Baba was a rascal and was the eventual death of who I thought I was.