13 March 2014

Our community has a problem

And it is a problem every community has. It took me three years before I trusted Robert because of inconsistencies in his behaviors, such as telling untruths and other things.  But the whole thing about the teacher/student relationship is trust. If you can't trust the teacher, you will find a thousand reasons not to.  If you can trust you will be rewarded beyond measure.

I teach we must be open and honest with each other.  Hide nothing if you can, just be diplomatic in its expression.

A lot of people are having doubts about me after Charlie wrote that I yelled at the woman I lived with, and doubting comments redoubled after the Batgap interview.

For some reason Charlie thought this the most horrible, unguru-like behavior possible, and he had doubts about me, which he shared with Deeya.  Others have been similarly sharing other doubts about me with Deeya, who feels totally torn apart because people are being negative about me with her, and she does not feel like she can share their comments with me because of confidentiality issues.

However, the negativity about me caused her to doubt me and distance herself, which caused me to feel hurt and makes us both less effective as teachers.  There is a poisoning going on.

Deeya was being made the container of all negativity towards me rather than people expressing it directly to me, or at least leaving Deeya out of it, and the unexpressed negativity was felt as inner uncomfortable stress.

Why are you going to Deeya rather than me about who and what I am, and thereby burdening her with keeping secrets?  It is unfair to her as well as to yourself.  If you think teachers are supposed to have your imagined, Ramana-like 
of behaviors at all times, you are in the wrong Sangha.  Teachers are human and will have “defects” from your POV, which are probably defects you have yourself and criticize in yourself, because you don't accept yourself. But what we are about is finding out who and what we are, not living up to ideas of how or what we are supposed to be.

This is my job, to help you find yourself.  Come to me with your doubts, but don't lay the seeds of poison in another. 
Don’t poison our Sangha. 

This is a universal problem.  Over the years some students have tried to contaminate my loving and goodwill towards members, saying they have dark energies, or 
have a multiple personality disorder, or are untrustworthy, and I have to admit I have been poisoned myself regarding members of our Sangha which sometimes caused disaster.

So, for our own sanity, be brave, come to me, not to others about doubts about me.  



  1. Through the years this has been a sticking point for me, trying to figure out if Ed was the real thing or not. Most of what he says and what I and feel from you I can resonate with, but so often something would come out of left field, some very negative or judgemental thing, a violent post or just a generally un-Ramana like action. If it weren't for the depth that your teachings and presence often take me, I would have left long ago. I never know anymore when you are cooking people or not but I remember you saying years ago that you would no longer tell us when cooking was taking place.
    Perhaps that's what you're doing now, I don't know. What I do know is that while watching one of your videos earlier today I was taken deep into myself where I felt such light and bliss and peace that I don't care so much what you do in your personal life. I come to you for your role as a teacher and guide and how you spend your personal time is beside the point.
    I know that people are just trying to figure out whether they can trust you or not and they use their intellect to discern your trustworthiness. They use images from the past, maybe a movie they saw about Jesus as a kid, or an image they got in their head from reading about Krishna or ramakrishna or Ramana. The space that is created around a teacher is what matters. He is taking us inward and behind our judging mind. Discernment cannot be easily used here because all good teachers look fucking nuts because they aren't like us, they are far away from here and don't play by the rules. When I met Ed I thought he was crazy but at the same time had never felt so a peace around so end before. Isn't that what really matters? Isn't that why we're all here anyway?


  2. I don't see you as Ed Muzika so there is never a question of what you do or how you act...I can't lower you to my human standards. So Edji....blast away just like Nisargadatta used to-it will thin the crowd out!

  3. Look, I don't try to cook an yone in our sahgha. It just happens. I say what I think and what I feel and let things fall as they may.

    However, I do go after other teachers from time to time, and I don't know why I do it. Again, it just happens.

    And yes, I am very unramana like. I think his eleavtaion as the 20th Centurty archetype of the "perfect" guru has been very unfortunate. Only one of my teachers acted anything like him, and you cannot judge a teacher's quality by behaviors alone, or even just his or her presence. Some can induce marvelous energetic experiences and end up being bad for you.

    1. I guess I never considered that a teacher could "induce marvelous energetic experiences and end oh being bad for you." I can at least say that I resonate with the teachings and with your apparent honesty regarding your feelings. You don't seem at all to be trying to project a persona of the perfect guru. Far from it, you just say what you think and more importantly are honest about your experiences on the spiritual path. How valuable to hear an honest take on the things we may experience along the spiritual journey,

    2. Of course students are going to come with any kind of an agenda or viewpoint which affects their perception of their "guru of the moment". And yes, they do themselves a disservice if such an agenda creates in their mind the notion of the "perfect" teacher/guru who can't at some point step on toes and even a get-in-your-face kind of relating. I have an acting coach like that and his direct tough as nails honest approach makes him the best game in town for me.


  4. Dear Ed,

    But you know this is what people do, or rather the mind does - it will try to split between you and Deeya. You know that's what happens in the therapeutic relationship. Most patients say the positive to the therapist and all negative to their friends and family which always dilutes the therapy. You did that with me too when you went to Lila to talk about your negative feelings and rather have her experience your hate and rage toward me instead of talk it out with me.

    Having Deeya as a co-teacher was simply an invitation for those experiences to happen. Explaining this to her might help so that she does not reinforce the split and the increase of doubts in others. Not to mention you not containing people's experiences and talking about them all over the web. That itself teaches them to do just the same - talk about their experiences with everyone and not keep it contained between you and them.

    I am sure this is a positive and a learning experience for all. Good luck, Ed.

  5. I think it's mature of you Edji to talk openly about all of this. Probably your background in psychology makes you go into, look at, analyze, all the different levels, feelings people have, etc. Rich above mentioned your 'presence'. It is true, you have a powerful presence and are able to influence people, from my own experience, in such a way that if they surrendered completely, they could go all the way. Of course few want to surrender that completely, including myself. You're a sweet cat Edji, so funny, so in love wtih life. People come, people go, people get angry, people love you, people hate you... Jesus Christ, the drama never stops! hahaha. Just go forward Friend, love people, send your power out, point them to the 'I Am'. Thank you.

  6. Newly discovered scrolls, believed to be a lost gospel of early Christianity, show just what a schmuck Jesus was in private life. "Goddamn it Magdalene, where are my clean socks? I can't change water into wine at the wedding today wearing dirty socks!" sayeth the Lord.

    Ed, on a regular basis you shine your light on the darker corners of your own life, and ours too. Where the ---ugh!--spiders live. Some people appreciate that, some don't.

    They don't call you "Edgy" for nothin', right?