Things gurus don’t tell you
Robert used to embrace uselessness. He used to embrace leaving your job and dropping out. He would say don’t worry about bills, payments, medical insurance, obligations, etc., just leave the world behind. Don’t worry about the pragmatics of day to day life.
The John Wheelers and Parsons of the world really don’t talk about life during the awakening process or afterwards as all of your cherished beliefs and concepts are blown away. One day you are ignorant of yourself, the next day you are awakened, self-aware and all problems have disappeared and are resolved.
This is bull. The process of awakening, losing beliefs, attachments, concepts, and even the belief you are the body causes tremendous changes in your day to day life. This is a sign you are really changing and awakening.
Relationships fall apart, you no longer love your husband or wife, the idea of being pinned to a 30 year mortgage creates nausea. The struggle to maintain payments on your BMW, $700,000 house, and student loans becomes too much. The belief in the benevolence of friends and the government go out the window. You know the wealthy are trying to take more and more from you. The health care system is rigged to extract the most money from you.
Fox News and MSMBC are both mouthpieces for a partial perspective. No one speaks to you honestly, they lie a little each word they say so as not to drive you away. Sometimes they smile and you can feel their hatred.
Strange energies awakening in you and you can’t sleep or you sleep too long. You don’t talk to the kids anymore because you are immersed in indecision about everything. You just want to be alone, or you just want to be with someone else or be somewhere else.
All your self-told lies disappear and you are exposed to your own truth more and more, and that which is not part of your truth falls away.
Things no longer unfold as they did before, but unfold in a new and frightening way as your entire past is seen as a lie and yet you still do not see your own truth clearly.
In other words, your daily life goes from a boring certainty, to an insecure emptiness, yet an incredible and frightening aliveness,
Intense practice, or intense involvement with a free teacher creates situations with a lot of out of control emotions, matched at times with an inner deadness, followed by periods of intense self-doubt and self-inquiry.
Do these gurus tell you of this? Do they warn you of this?
You see, Robert did and incorporated this inevitable collapse of your belief systems and lifestyle, and made it a part of leaving the world behind. When your whole lifestyle and thought structures are deconstructed due to self-inquiry, self-abidance, or watching one’s thoughts in emptiness, radical changes to one’s outside life are inevitable, as well as to one’s emotional composition and self-boundaries.
In other words, the walls come tumbling down, and chaos reigns for a long, long time. If there is not a bit of chaos, then there is no real change happening on a deeper level. This must be obvious is it not? One cannot continue in the old lifestyle with the beliefs you had before when everything is being radically questioned and whole new worlds of perception and cognition are opened.
I warn my students of this. Robert incorporated this falling apart into his teachings and made it a goal, the goal of becoming good for nothing, meaning really not good for anyone or anything in your previous lifestyle. And, you will be good for nothing until you live your own truth, rather than society’s, your spouse’s, your children’s, or your employer’s “truths.”
Intense practice or intense involvement in the movement towards freedom has to produce such external chaos. Is it not obvious? Freedom means freedom from your past conditioning and the known.
What Krishnamurti missed however, are all those states and understandings beyond mere recognition that there is no separate ‘I’ or separate doer. He did not talk of the ecstasies, the awesome Void, the feeling of the sacred, the feeling of surrender to the divine, to one’s own Beloved. Nor did he speak of rivers of love that move through one’s body and one’s sense of presence. Nor did he talk of a love so deep that you disappear into the other, or of a void so vast that you fall to your knees in awe and sometimes fear. He did not talk of the awesome power you feel sometimes when you feel aligned with your own destiny and feel its inevitability. There is so much that teachers do not tell you, both of the richness and the sadness and desolation you will encounter.
It is like the Matrix Trilogy. When you take the Red pill, everything changes, enlivens, collapses, becomes chaos, reorders, and you become alive. But sometimes you crave the Blue pill, to let you return to your old life and its security. Once you really take the Red pill, you have a tiger by the tail and you cannot let go because he will eat you.