Muktananda, died. One of his followers died the next day. When the follower reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have been given all the joys that only heaven can provide." And then suddenly he saw Muktananda underneath a beautiful tree... with whom, do you know? -- with Sophia Loren! Sophia Loren sitting in his lap, both naked, hugging each other! The follower fell at the feet of Muktananda. He said, "Guru Deva, O Great Master, I always knew that you were the greatest master; now I am seeing with my own eyes. God is so pleased with you, he has given you Sophia Loren as a reward!" Muktananda looked very angrily at the man and said, "You fool, stop talking nonsense! You don't understand a thing. She is not my reward, I am her punishment!" Shit happens Mucky Mukta tough shit love and Num Nums Lord Sam Ram
Give a catholic priest vodka and he becomes a Taoist Drunken Immortal, Zen, Advaita, Kung Fu Master, with some Crazy Wisdom, what do you reckon, Edji. Shit happens or lets smoke this shit A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door: Sip the vodka, don't gulp. There are 10 commandments, not 12. There are 12 disciples, not 10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the Shit out of him. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. We do not refer to the cross as the big T! When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat me." The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry." The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God." Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's. Love and Num Nums Lord Sam Ram.
LOL ! :)
ReplyDeleteadvaita:
ReplyDeleteyou and shit are One
Forrest Gump: Shit Happens
ReplyDeleteWhat a laugh!!!!!
My signficant 'other' does not think this is funny, which makes it even more funny. ROTFLOL
Joan
If someone doesn't think this is funny, they need to have their shit examined!
ReplyDeleteJanet C
Muktananda, died. One of his followers died the next day. When the follower reached heaven, the first thing that he was interested in was, "Where is our guru, our Muktananda? He must be enjoying -- he must have been given all the joys that only heaven can provide."
ReplyDeleteAnd then suddenly he saw Muktananda underneath a beautiful tree... with whom, do you know? -- with Sophia Loren! Sophia Loren sitting in his lap, both naked, hugging each other! The follower fell at the feet of Muktananda. He said, "Guru Deva, O Great Master, I always knew that you were the greatest master; now I am seeing with my own eyes. God is so pleased with you, he has given you Sophia Loren as a reward!" Muktananda looked very angrily at the man and said, "You fool, stop talking nonsense! You don't understand a thing. She is not my reward, I am her punishment!"
Shit happens Mucky Mukta tough shit
love and Num Nums
Lord Sam Ram
Not only the post is the most profound one, the comments are sublime too.
ReplyDeleteHoly shit!
Give a catholic priest vodka
ReplyDeleteand he becomes a Taoist Drunken Immortal, Zen, Advaita, Kung Fu Master, with some Crazy Wisdom,
what do you reckon,
Edji.
Shit happens or lets smoke this shit
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied,
"When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit,
I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous,
I take a sip."
So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon,
he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon return to his office after mass
he found the following
note on his door:
Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to
as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
David slew Goliath, he did not kick the Shit out of him.
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey,
don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
"Take this and eat it, for it is my body," he did not say, "Eat me."
The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the "Mary with the cherry."
The recommended grace before a meal is not:
"Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God."
Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St Peter's,
not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Love and Num Nums
Lord Sam Ram.