Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

John:

Jesus, i just read dennis' comment to your post of the last satsang. it seems like everyone has jumped on you.  i guess he thought you were irreverent to krishnamurti.

I don't know.  you take a lot of shit.

People suggested you have an online website---'ok'

Do it like this---'ok'

not those old yogananda songs edji, krishna das---'ok'

Mute your mic edji, we don't want to hear you---'ok'

I'm not too cool with you absorbing all the shit, including my own.

I'm not a happy camper edji.  i've got a lot of anger.

I also feel, in regards to you, like an ungrateful, spoiled child. Do whatever you do.

People will never appreciate anything, ever.

Ed:

      John, it is all bliss.  The movement itself is all bliss.

     Drop into your heart, and watch from emptiness.  

     The first day that the commotion started, many things were happening, not just the leaving.  Many, many little crises with financial accounts, contacts, and an attempted hacking of my website, etc.

      I felt attacked, like "negative energies" were coming my way.  I even felt fear for the first time in years.  The next day all was normal again.

 Then something miraculous happened.

I began to feel an intense love for this breaking process, and for a person I know.  This accelerated until last Monday, a week ago, when I felt an intense love growing within me, and with it an internal light, a column of brilliant white light extending from the bottom of my spine through the top of my head.

It was like a powerful dynamo of love.  I felt like God was loving the world through this body/mind and felt expanded a dozen-fold.

Gradually the intensity of the love grew immensely stronger and I felt a continuous ecstasy, radiating love into the world.  There was a reshuffling in the Sangha and I delighted in it, welcomed it, and felt bliss in it.

Finally, some movement in the Sangha.  It had grown static.

For four days I burned in this ecstasy, and things came and went.  I met two students for dinner Friday evening and they felt burned and ecstatic by my energy.

Finally, yesterday for the first time I returned to normal then went the other way, towards a feeling of desolation and despair for half a day.

This is all part of my process of reentering the world teaching different teachings.

It is a continuously wondrous experience.


Nothing is static.  Everything comes and goes, but I remain, really untouched even by the ecstasies and the desolations.