23 October 2011

The photo below is a like finding and holding the self.  At first it may be "seen" as a light in the third eye, or more commonly, felt as a tingling or energy around the heart or belly.  With attention, abiding in this feeling, loving it, it expands and changes and becomes a constant sense of presence.  You hold onto this presence as gently as the baby below.

Then you begin to realize there still is a you who witnesses that sense of presence, and that "you" is closer than that sense of presence.  You become aware that "you" have no quality or presence whatsoever.  You have no state, no quality, no space or no time.  You are beyond that which changes in consciousness.  This 'You' cannot not be known, you can only be it.  It is already you.  Thus, through dropping concepts, becoming stupid and only looking and feeling within, with discrimination you remove all that is and can be known, seen, tasted, touched or felt in any way. 

You are That which holds and supports everything in consciousness including your sense of self and existence. Now it holds you.


  1. Dear Edji,
    You always teach become stupid, dumb as a rock.  I’ve resisted that so much.  It occurred to me that as a child when my mother became infuriated with me she would call me stupid, an idiot.  I fought her and now I find myself fighting you.  Throughout the years I tried to prove to her and others I was not stupid.  I had to excel in school, I had to know it all.  I developed a defense.  I held tightly to that infantile grandiose self.  I didn’t want to become stupid as that equated with being unloved, belittled, helpless, worthless. 
    You are not saying become worthless.  You are saying let go of the knowing mind.  That state when the mind is seen as a string of thoughts – one after another passing by but you cannot hold onto them and nothing makes sense.  The memory of the first thought escapes you so by the time you get to the end of the sentence nothing is remembered – and that is being ‘stupid’.  I know that state and there is such freedom in it.  I continue to resist your advice to ‘become stupid’ but that resistance is seen for what it is – just a remnant of that little girl’s attempt to survive and feel worthy of your love. 
    I share this because I feel some might relate. 
    I love you so,
    Janet B.

  2. Dearest Edji,
    Leonard Cohen wrote the song my Heart sings to you …
    Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin
    Dance me through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in
    Lift me like an olive branch and be my homeward dove
    Dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love

    Oh let me see your beauty when the witnesses are gone
    Let me feel you moving like they do in Babylon
    Show me slowly what I only know the limits of
    Oh dance me to the end of love, dance me to the end of love
    Dance me to the end of Love,
    Janet B.

  3. ...Dear Edji,

    What a beautiful analogy.

    ...Dear Janet,

    What beautiful posts.

    I love you both beyond measure or words,


  4. Dear Jo-Ann,

    "I love you both ..." - really? I didn't feel it when you asked Edji twice on our Satsang this past Saturday if he should let me come up on screen. Who knows, my video or dark energy could set something on fire. But I understand, perhaps you were being protective of him, or the Sanga. After all you are Mamaji and I've been such a 'bad' girl lately.

    But really, that was two days ago, much time has past and I can't help it but let go of the hurt and resentment and feel love for you again.

    Janet B.

  5. My Dearest Janet,

    Indeed I do love you and more than you can know.

    If you wish to block that love with an overactive imagination, that is OK. There is no rush, my love will always be there for you when you are ready.


  6. Janet, thanks for what you shared above in regard to being 'stupid, dumb as a rock.' I can relate. The details are a little different, but they tell the same story.


  7. "but there is no greater benefit for spiritual growth than for like minded people to live together or have a place to meet in person."

    I can only imagine...


  8. I wasn't going to share this, but what the hell, not too much to hide anymore.

    Though I have had no problem in becoming so-called 'useless and or dysfunctional'- seems to be without choice - there is still resistance to it. Something in me cringes when I hear those words.

    I know why. I can recall as a child hearing my father (asshole) in his usual state of drunkenness hollering this at my mother, "those damn kids are useless, they will never amount to anything." And the anger surges...

    What is a kid to do with this kind of message? One: believe it and do nothing, absolutely nothing with your life. Two: Prove the father wrong at any cost. I chose the latter.

    Now, I am being instructed to discard my trophies/identities. It's a tight spot on a daily basis. For the voice of my father rings ever clear through the voices of my husband and older children, who DO think I am useless for the most part because I am not 'doing' what I have always done in the past. As a result, the guilt that parades through my awareness can feel overwhelming at times.

    When one's self image begins to deconstruct, that same image, held collectively in the mind's of loved ones also begins to deconstruct. It is a struggle for everyone involved, me and them.

    With Love,

  9. Janet B, though it's none of my business it sounds as if you're being cooked by Joan and Ed. Don't worry about it.

    Re the 'stupid as a brick' thing. I think the resistance to it applies to most of us. Who wants to be thought of as stupid? With me it wasn't my parents who made me feel stupid, so much as my friends- who are all smart and successful. I was always the stupid one. Socially inept and slow on the uptake.

    I have no money, no friends (anymore), no career, but I'm not bothered. These things are all distractions, anyway.

  10. Sorry, Joan.

    I meant, 'Jo-Ann' and Ed were probably cooking Janet B.

  11. Hey anonymous,

    I'd tell you, I am the easiest person to cook. It doesn't take much to get me fried. Even your email got me pissed.

    Thank you,
    Janet B.

  12. Janet B.

    Thank goodness for the 'anonymous' button, then.


  13. Yes, Janet you are more than just worthy of my love. Let us dance!

  14. Ed, this post is just beautiful! It puts this inquiry practice in perfect perspective for me. Right now, I am helping watch my 1.5 year old niece and I can see her sense of self slowly developing and taking on different colors. It's beautiful and frightening at the same time how her world appears to color who she is believing herself to be! I can see how complex our selves get with each added moment of experience wherein the world is shouting at us what we are and what we should be. At the same time, I observe her, I observe myself, all things experienced are held by me, stillness and nothingness. The complex and insane self, however big and full of rage it appears is still held by nothingness, otherwise it could not be. It is all perspective it seems. When i go into the self it is all there is, when I step back from it, it is seen as small. crazy shit!
    love, rich

  15. Jo-Ann,

    Ed explained to me what had happened during the Satsang and that I had come in after you had talked about not allowing more videos up as this could knock his video off.

    I appologize.


  16. Dear Janet,

    Sorry for the late response but I just saw your post.

    Your apology is certainly accepted but please know that no apology was necessary, these things happen! :-)

    See you at Satsang!

    Much love,