On the previous post on sharing the death of a loved one:
This is so touching, so beautiful, so saintly, so human.
I have wasted most of my life shut off from feelings, emotions, basically from living.
When I was a little girl I had a dog who refused to eat if I was not around. No one told me, so after being away for a week I came home to find him dead...starvation. You can imagine the pain and guilt and blame - not to mention the thoughts (if I had only been there he wouldn't have died) that I have carried my whole life. For years I would have dreams of him running toward me from across the yard. He never reached my arms and I would awake feeling so empty and sad. I was about 10 at the time and this dog was the closest thing to Love I had ever experienced. It has taken me 38 years to finally be open to revisiting this pain.
Just 5 days ago, we adpoted two female kittens. The joy and love are indescribable. One of them gets almost nose to nose with me, looks me in the eyes, takes her paw and touches my eyes as if she is wiping away tears...and sometimes she is. She has no idea the comfort she is. We need each other.
My mother, father, and brother all passed away in the same year about 12 years ago. I couldn't feel anything. I wanted to, it tried to surface, but I was good at supressing. I see now how this supression robbed not only myself, but it robbed my mother, father, and brother of the Love, care, compassion, service, tenderness, comfort...that I could have given them. And it robbed the others who were hurting because I couldn't join in with them even though I deeply wanted to. I'm convinced I suffered more than they did.
Ed, I am so thankful for all that you have been sharing on this blog to get us to open up, to feel. It is very challenging to allow deep pain...there is so much resistance in the mind. It goes against the grain of human instinct.
Many of us are so concerned about being awakened and while I'm all for that, I'm finally learning what it's like to feel 'human' to some degree.
With Love and Adoration,