Realizing the Manifest Self--the Life Force permeating our humanity--and the Unmanifest source from which it arises.
15 June 2011
First of all, thank you, thank you, thank you for everything...for your satsangs and writings...for the love and oneness I feel with you and Robert...for truth. You have already given so many answers, but I was wondering if I may share with you a few experiences and questions that have come up and which I have not spoken of to others. I apologize in advance for having to relate them to you, as I know you have said that such experiences are subjective and different for every individual. Thank you for bearing with me here....
A few years ago, there was a sudden revelation or realization, where there was nobody, absolutely nobody home--no I--only amness. There was definitely the sense of beingness present, yet it was like emptiness, no-thingness, space. It was clear that what I am in reality is formless; and the realization came that if I was aware of this beingness, then this, too, I could not be. What I am must be beyond or prior to this.
Since then, there have been instances of being all-pervading, of no one doing the action performed. Intense happiness is felt at these times, but this is not a perpetual feeling or state. There is often the sense at the end of the day that nothing has happened; and once, I awoke in the middle of the night, and I looked out in front of me with the realization that there was nobody there looking out. I was nowhere but everywhere! With meditation, too, it has more and more clear that the world is not real but created by the mind.
It took a long time to reconcile the understanding of the Self as emptiness and pure awareness when several years ago, before embarking on any spiritual path, there had been the experience of spontaneously witnessing a radiance, which was also formless and felt like complete and total love/joy/peace, like it was home.
So, Edji, would you please provide some insight on this: was this light like a reflection of the Self? Is the sense of pure beingness and the awareness of it one? Does the realization of what is prior to consciousness (what, I guess, Robert would refer to as Silence) come during meditation and become stablized as a permanent reality? Or is it more like we just know that we are that (a realization that has never left "me")?
Thank you eternally for your guidance. Infinite blessings to you, beloved Edji.
Don't try to explain or understand where you are.
Where you are is perfect!
You are very advanced. Adding the mind to make sense of it is useless and can get you lost.
Don't worry about what the light is, or what is permanent. In a sense, nothing is permanent, or a source, or a reflection. These are all concepts. Be free of them.
Knowing the absolute is both a certainty, a knowing of truth, and also an "experience" in the sense that occasionally you directly experience you are beyond beingness and consciousness. Conviction begets the experiences, and the experiences beget deeper conviction.