Putting this sort of thing in writing is so difficult but I'll try. To begin with, this one expected some sort of cosmic shift to take place and everything would be over. There would be no more problems, no more unwanted moods, no sorrows, no pains, perfect relationships...sounds so ridiculous I can't even explain it any further. What is becoming increasing clear is that life goes on as it always has EXCEPT without the analyzing, interpreting, judging, projecting mind/me managing it. I am seeing that life does not want or need to be managed, that life as it spontaneously unfolds is not at all concerned with whether or not it matches the mind's ideas, conditionings and beliefs about how things ought to be. Life is not concerned with the past or the future....it is Now, expressing in whatever way Mother Consciousness chooses. Raw Life seems tolerable, the one dreaming about how it should be was what was making it intolerable. There is a seeing that I am not something separate from life/the present moment. You've mentioned several times over the past few weeks that the spiritual path is all about identification. The possibilities within the field of identification or course are endless. There is a seeing that there is not a separate 'me' identifying with anything but my own being itself that seems to have the ability through attention to identify with anything arising in the field of Awareness, which may be a 'me' at times.
Being seems to revel in everything, it seems to love to drink and taste of everything. Sometimes it settles into deep silence, sometimes it flits about taking in everything at once, sometimes it feels a deep love, other times it feels aloof, sometimes it feels like a body, other times pure emptiness - nothing in this phenomenal world is stable. I was looking for stableness to come and I am seeing that stableness is already here. It is what I am. This stableness reveals itself as pure noticing, not an entity that notices this and that, but just the noticing itself. I have no idea really where all this is going. The old concepts of how and what it ought to be like are not matching what is unfolding. You have mentioned time and time again to 'trust your own experience, to be the master of your own house.'
This is starting to really make sense. There is surrender to the inner Guru in my own heart as well as to the outer one named 'Ed'. You said in the last Satsang, 'that which is unconscious knows exactly what it wants and what is lacking.' This is so true. Without your guidance I would have never been prepared for this seeing. There is still so much that escapes deep understanding, but like our Beloved Robert always says, 'do not worry, all is well and everything is unfolding as it should.'
Should you sense anything amiss in the above sharing I am open to listen. I am not interested in being right, but free.
Don't even allow yourself to become a prisoner of the concept of freedom, otherwise you risk breaking all that you cherish in the long run in the name of freedom. Sometimes a prisoner, sometimes free, sometimes comfortable, sometimes loved, sometimes loving, but also be aware of those things that are always there within yourself.