Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

Dear Edji,

Love touching base with you, whether through email, satsang, or deep into one of those chants.

You mentioned to me in our last email conversation there would be times of bliss as well as the opposite.  In light of this I would like to share with you some of what has transpired this week.  At the beginning of the week there was such a strong battle in the mind to maintain existence as a limited being.  This showed itself most clearly when there was several attempts made to listen to a couple of satsangs.  Initially I could understand the words being spoken, but then they would switch to a foreign language and I could no longer properly discern the words.  Multiple times when there was an attempt to go deep, the body would jolt and gasp for air as if it was the last breath.  This was all followed by two days of intensive seeing/sweeping.  Typically this sort of phenomena that was coming up for seeing/transcending would have sent this one for a loop/depression.  Something stood it's ground this time.  There was a courage to just look, to look deeply and to inquire into the nature of what was arising.  The courage to just let it be at times was so liberating within itself.  There was a noticing that when something was allowed, embraced fully then it would just dissolve on its own.  This opened the door to a deeper seeing.  It began to dawn on me that when form (as the me) reacts to and resists form (whatever is arising NOW, gross or subtle) then there is that sense of stuckness, smallness, i.e.. person.  Form needs form to react/resist in order to perpetuate itself as 'real'. You go beyond anything that you allow completely.  In this allowing of content to be as it is - it was noticed that there was something more subtle  than the content.  This field of Now/Presence the True 'I'ness' is Vast enough to let everything pass through.  It is Choiceless!

There are times when I cannot locate myself in the usual sense of here - as a body.  I feel more like space.  Then there are times when I definitely feel here - as a body.  In the noticing of this there is a sense that there is something very subtle which is aware of both of these states.  It knows neither spaceciousness nor limitation as a body.

Also, months ago you admonished me to not analyze or interpret, but just watch and melt.  In the openness to really see things as they arose this week without reactivity/resistance there was seeing of the mind very, very subtly analyzing, interpreting, imagining, projecting, planning and plotting an awakening for the 'me'.  Wow!  I never knew it was there.  It still goes on, the mind rambling about what it cannot know, but it is allowed its expression and the exhausting of that expression without leaving footprints in the "I Am".

This all brings to mind a verse in the Bible spoken by the Apostle Paul, 'it is the little foxes that spoil the vine.'  Everybody hangs out on the seashore and comments about the bit waves, few are noticing the ripples. It is the ripples that have been noticed this week.

With Great Love,

S.

RESPONSE:

Thank you for the update about your states. 

You are experiencing many phenomena, and are not getting lost in them, which is very good.

But pay less attention to them. Just stay with the I Am, the feeling of presence in the Void. Listening to Robert of my Satsangs is ok as a diversion, but basically, everything, even my satsangs are raising a playing of consciousness in you. You are the master in your own body/mind.

Right now you feel like a guest in your own home of the soul. Someday you will feel like the host, or owner. Then something new will arise, and once again you will be a guest for a while, then the host.

So it goes on.

Love,

Edji