Reintegrating back into the world after a meditation sabbatical was very challenging, everyday was a battle for me. A little like the silly cartoon character that is trying to stop the leaking of a damn using his various body parts and chewing gum all in vain because the cracks in the damn continue to grow bigger and bigger.
The past few months, the hyper-masculine work and self-discipline have faded. On some level the tremendous effort to maintain purity of abidance, constantly and consciously, got the best of me.
On some other level, however, this shift felt natural and organic as an expansion into my humanness. Almost as if there is a healing between the two seeming opposites of relative and absolute.
Meditation is still a very important part of my day as is resting in being and will continue to be so...
Identification with that impersonal, absolute, oblivious aspect of our nature has faded as a result. The result of this surrender was however increased joy and feeling more alive. Feeling more connected to all. Prior to that, there was a feeling of deadness. The "I AM" zombie.
There seem to be a growing number of individuals who seem to be making the shift not through negation but through radical embracing of all arising phenomena. This seems to be much more conducive of living in the west. I'm speculating that Deeya's transition may have been of this nature.
Noticed that your satsangs, your teachings, and your presence are also shifting.
Perhaps, these are merely projections of the shifting of my perspective...
Suppose i write you because there still is some uncertainty on part. Whether to continue with where this is pulling me are whether to lace up the boot straps and get my ass back in gear...
One of the other reasons for the softening of my sadhana was that i work as a counselor. Clients would come to me with stories of woe and i would sit and stare, totally impersonal, totally oblivious to the dimension of suffering. There seemed to be little choice but to meet the client where they were.
Knowing that you have had some experience in the counseling profession, i wondered how your interaction with the clients was?
Any recommendations on how one can utilize this relationship to further unfold and grow into reality? Intuitively it feels there must be a great opportunity for client and counselor alike.
My apologies for the rather superficial and autobiographical nature of this email. Looking for perspective, looking for guidance.
With heart splitting gratitude for your teaching,
love you edji,
XXXX, you speak in such abstractions such that I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand the metaphor about the cracks in the dam being related to coming back into the world after retreat. I don't know what you mean by hyper masculine work and self-discipline, if you are talking about your retreat or something else. And I don't know what you mean by the effort to maintain the purity of abidance in the self or the I am. The part about something was felt organic, I don't know what you're talking about.
I am not in your skin, and yet you you address me as if I know what you're talking about without being specific.
Personally, I know my true nature is beyond this world, beyond phenomena, beyond life and death, and beyond love and loving. I know the current trend, the New Age, is to be in the moment and to change with the moment, and I see no contradiction with being in the moment if one has attained the former. The emptiness of the void easily contain everything that the world has to offer wrapped in the silence of the infinite. I see no contradiction in being in either or both places. Many people run towards the absolute or to silence when the world gets too much for them; but after one knows the absolute, knows silence, knows the void, they really should have no problem going back into the world.
If you're having a problem of personal versus impersonal, this is not a real problem, because ultimately, if you own everything, everything is personal. If the infinite love of God flows through your heart, then it's personal. If you feel the void everywhere, and it interpenetrates your being, that void is personal. It is only when you don't feel something close to your heart or to your center, that it feels impersonal. In a sense, you need to own everything and make it part of you, take it into yourself and make it yours. In a sense even the world becomes your family, your responsibility, everyone your brothers and sisters.
Does not the Bible say that even a small bird does not fall to the ground without being known by God? For him, all is personal, as it is for me.