17 June 2011

Beloved Edji,

Reintegrating back into the world after a meditation sabbatical was very challenging, everyday was a battle for me. A little like the silly cartoon character that is trying to stop the leaking of a damn using his various body parts and chewing gum all in vain because the cracks in the damn continue to grow bigger and bigger.

The past few months, the hyper-masculine work and self-discipline have faded. On some level the tremendous effort to maintain purity of abidance, constantly and consciously, got the best of me.
On some other level, however, this shift felt natural and organic as an expansion into my humanness. Almost as if there is a healing between the two seeming opposites of relative and absolute.

Meditation is still a very important part of my day as is resting in being and will continue to be so...

Identification with that impersonal, absolute, oblivious aspect of our nature has faded as a result.  The result of this surrender was however increased joy and feeling more alive. Feeling more connected to all. Prior to that, there was a feeling of deadness. The "I AM" zombie.

There seem to be a growing number of individuals who seem to be making the shift not through negation but through radical embracing of all arising phenomena. This seems to be much more conducive of living in the west. I'm speculating that Deeya's transition may have been of this nature.

Noticed that your satsangs, your teachings, and your presence are also shifting.

Perhaps, these are merely projections of the shifting of my perspective...

Suppose i write you because there still is some uncertainty on part. Whether to continue with where this is pulling me are whether to lace up the boot straps and get my ass back in gear...

One of the other reasons for the softening of my sadhana was that i work as a counselor. Clients would come to me with stories of woe and i would sit and stare, totally impersonal, totally oblivious to the dimension of suffering. There seemed to be little choice but to meet the client where they were.

Knowing that you have had some experience in the counseling profession, i wondered how your interaction with the clients was?

Any recommendations on how one can utilize this relationship to further unfold and grow into reality? Intuitively it feels there must be a great opportunity for client and counselor alike.

My apologies for the rather superficial and autobiographical nature of this email. Looking for perspective, looking for guidance.

With heart splitting gratitude for your teaching,

love you edji,


XXXX, you speak in such abstractions such that I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand the metaphor about the cracks in the dam being related to coming back into the world after retreat. I don't know what you mean by hyper masculine work and self-discipline, if you are talking about your retreat or something else. And I don't know what you mean by the effort to maintain the purity of abidance in the self or the I am. The part about something was felt organic, I don't know what you're talking about.

I am not in your skin, and yet you you address me as if I know what you're talking about without being specific.

Personally, I know my true nature is beyond this world, beyond phenomena, beyond life and death, and beyond love and loving. I know the current trend, the New Age, is to be in the moment and to change with the moment, and I see no contradiction with being in the moment if one has attained the former. The emptiness of the void easily contain everything that the world has to offer wrapped in the silence of the infinite. I see no contradiction in being in either or both places. Many people run towards the absolute or to silence when the world gets too much for them; but after one knows the absolute, knows silence, knows the void, they really should have no problem going back into the world.

If you're having a problem of personal versus impersonal, this is not a real problem, because ultimately, if you own everything, everything is personal. If the infinite love of God flows through your heart, then it's personal. If you feel the void everywhere, and it interpenetrates your being, that void is personal. It is only when you don't feel something close to your heart or to your center, that it feels impersonal. In a sense, you need to own everything and make it part of you, take it into yourself and make it yours. In a sense even the world becomes your family, your responsibility, everyone your brothers and sisters.

Does not the Bible say that even a small bird does not fall to the ground without being known by God? For him, all is personal, as it is for me.




  1. "There seem to be a growing number of individuals who seem to be making the shift not through negation but through radical embracing of all arising phenomena."

    Bullshit. As Wise Ed points out, you are searching for "you", identification. If you identify with Spacious Awareness, the I AM, or formless infinity, or beyond all of that, negation is easy and logical. I'm pretty sure Ed lists this negation process as like the first thing on his website.

    Stop trying to battle the world and your mind. Embrace it. Let that dam burst open and surrender. Wu wei. Who is struggling, battling, making such an enormous effort?


  2. Shawn - I think you're being unfairly hard on an honest attempt to share one's feelings. Respect should be shown as the author never invited your commentary.

    In quoting Ed's response did you not read the very last line of it?

    The author's searching for the 'you' awareness of which you critisize, is the Spacial Awareness, or are they two?

    I don't think it's helpful to rebuke someone where self-knowledge is concerned; being it for their choice of semantics or their current understanding, of which you're not qualified to judge. It's difficult to put experience into words, let alone share in the first place.

    Thank you, author, for your willingness to share, for such exchanges result in helpful dialogues from which we can all benefit.


  3. Hey Trevor
    Nice to lock horns with you, that was a nice move hitting Shawn right in the morals – ouch – stealth, surprise and excellent technique you naughty boy.

    Surely people like Shawn are essential to hit the structure of respect that everyone hides behind. Only a hit brings up true feelings and the ensuing dialogue brings clarity - as your opinion also has - and surely a BlogSpot is there to accommodate everyone seeking, self-knowledge and self-realisation.

    If we are to suppress the upward surge to be disrespectful in order to get a serious question answered, then it’s all Zen Bollocks.

    For me it is essential to try to stump the Guru, or hit the ingrained feelings of A.N. Other, then there is raw fuel for the awakening awareness to mainline off.

    If it is someone's intention to wack A.N Other for the sake of it, then there are therapies for that, but if some statement hits which provokes a deep-felt response, then surely it should be aired in the way it is felt, otherwise moral behaviour overtakes spiritual awakening.

    If there are rules, and comments are uninvited in the commentary box I despair and if someone takes offence from what is stated then how can clarity emerge?

    When I get wacked, my attention-mind becomes laser-like and I respond with as much feeling as possible, because the hit proves my vulnerability and lack of understanding, which makes me look so deep that the clarity I am seeking literally springs out with the response.

    It takes pressure and hits to find the centre of the cyclone and be unaffected by any turbulence and then you can eat lightning and crap thunder. That for me is Buddha-Heart Buddha-Mind.

    For me everyone is most qualified to bring in a heartfelt, gut provoking response to a post and the Master is there to bring the clarity to all of the responses, because he has travelled the Path and can lead and direct others.

    Belief and morals never got anyone anywhere of real significance, only hard facts on the subject of consciousness and its multi dimensional functions brings clarity to the individual and everyone is stuck somewhere. By being able to freely express with a view to the release of all concepts is always first on the list and no offence is ever intended by any serious aspirant.

    All the best Trevor and always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

  4. Sam,

    I agree with you there: honesty trumps conventional roles of decency and education.

    I appreciate what you're getting at.


  5. Hi Trevor,

    I appreciate your comments. Whatever your state of mind is right now, whatever alchemical mixture of consciousness, where does it come from? I know what it's like to be tangled in mixtures of anxiety, calmness, fear, confidence, strength, friendliness, hostility, neurotic thinking, positive thinking, morality, and a variety of social role playing. Spacious awareness is a loosening of being tangled up. This rapture, grand opening of awareness into vast open space is the first step towards liberation, shifting your Identity out of culture conditioning and developmental imprints. From my experience, this state can be abided in all the time, and from my understanding is what being in the moment, or the Now is all about. Sensual experience pops out and is extremely lucid while the I is detached simultaneously. Feelings of beauty of the world and unity of everything ensue. Bliss. Some unlucky people experience the opposite in this state and everything is unbearable and harsh.

    No it's not the absolute. It is the gateway towards exploring deeper consciousness. The way out is through.

    Breaking with conventional rules has benefited me greatly. I made my way to California, acquiring my first job in music, by walking into the place stating I had an interview that did not exist. 30 minutes later I had my interview and shortly after I had the job. There are times to follow along with the flow, and times to assert yourself. Was my comment a mistake? I don't know. Winning and failing seem to be a short sighted kind of thing.

    Best of luck Trevor, may we all be liberated from the appearances that chain imagination.


  6. It's difficult if not impossible at times to know someone's subjective states.

    And it's certainly easy to misread comments posted on a blog describing or opining about such states.

    I feel your comment, respect what you say and wish you luck on this apparent journey.