Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

To Ed:

Dear Ed,

I wanted to convey how much I appreciate your posts today and how much what you say resonates. But beyond what you say, it's how you say it, and the presence I feel in my heart. Sometime ago, I think it was on Facebook, someone asked how they could receive your grace if they were not physically present. You said something like, "Love me, I will feel you." Now, I don't even care to get into the mechanics of this. I don't even care if it's literal, i.e. you feel someone loving you and you send grace their way. And yadayadayada. 

The fact is that if I love you I am loving myself, and it immediately resonated as true. So, I did just love you. And do.It made perfect sense to me then and makes even more sense now.

I also relate to your description of being lost in void states. That one really gets me. I have been periodically lost in void states for over 40 years, and have made the exact fucking mistake you describe of confusing these void states for myself. Fact is, to me void, nothingness states are a dime a dozen. I'm so used to them I can pretty much slip off at will, or at least just by putting my attention "there". Sometimes it's utter nothingness, sometimes self-illumined, sometimes a curious mixture of both. The fact is I've had to claw my way back out of these void states.

Which brings me to another reason I love you. Your insistence on honoring this world, even if it's an illusory one. Expressing love even in the illusory state. All of this rings true.

Now, you may read this and say, "Waldo, you're full of shit." If so, so be it. Rest assured I'll listen to you. Or do my best.

The fact is I am passionate about a lot of things. I like being passionate. I like getting pissed off, or loving, or hurting, or being ecstatic as I play music. (For many years composing music was my sure trip to ecstasy.) In some ways, I feel I've worked out a lot. In others I feel like a total moron.With the heart I'm a fucking idiot and know it. It's never easy there. But this is right for me, and I know that beyond a doubt.

I hope to correspond more, perhaps, or Skype. Or talk on the phone. Very much looking forward to the online Satsangs. Now that I'm on the west coast a physical visit isn't out of the question either.

Yours in love,

Waldo