17 July 2012


Beloved Eddie said,
The amazing thing you will also learn, is this feels like you are returning to be an ordinary you, Ed Muzika, Waldo, Victoria, Lila, Janet, except for the realization that all this too is you. Everything is you and not you at the same time. You become ordinary, watching or participating in life; it becomes your “choice.”


I have been feeling this very thing since the world, all lives, my life, and Adi Da, etc, were swirling all around the still center of MySelf the other day. It was all seen, all felt, all understood to be arising in ME/ as ME. No fanfare, no hoop-la. All that fancy "stuff" already happened! When we skyped the other night and I said I had realized that Da is me/ I am Da...IT IS TRUE. And it has absolutely nothing to do with mind or thoughts. It has nothing to with whether anything appears or not. IT IS ALL MySelf... everything and no one. I am the Light burning holes through the night sky...like an old movie projector, when the film would stall on the reel. 

Today as well, I was mindlessly writing about it to Lila, even as you were writing the blog. I am sitting here writing to you, and I am also that sun, farting in a Galaxy 50,000 light years away. I am the clock ticking on the wall. I am skinning a cat in China. I am the cat being skinned. I am the one signing the petition to end it. It is all pouring out of Me, the heart of all Worlds and beings. And yet I do not move. I have no Form, even as I hold it ALL in my arms.

My Beloved Da, and Santosha, My Beloved Ed...all the same, my own face. I can look a fool, an asshole, just myself, no shame, and no glory either.

I will get up in the morning, go into the bathroom, pee, and brush my teeth...and smile a little smile...


                                   ***************

Just now--before seeing your post for today--I was reading The Final Truth.  And laughing. It was as clear and obvious as reading the Cleveland Heights phone book...[more on that in a moment.] 

Earlier I wrote to Waldo...told him Da showed it all to me...every single piece of it...in the first three weeks I knew ofhim in 1975. I just couldn't hold it then...but even 3 weeks felt pretty damn good!

All that happened just from hearing his voice on two cassette tapes and mediating on his photo. He gave it ALL to me, Ed. I lived it/as it those 20 days...felt like the "pied piper" at times... strangers on the street...at school, etc...were following me around like happy puppies...happy and laughing and having no idea why. People would stand next to me on the bus and go into bliss. Most days I wouldn't even remember to get off at my stop.


Believe it or not, I was living in Cleveland Heights, just off Coventry Rd, the Haight-Ashbury of Ohio, yes? Pretty hilarious. Went by Case on my way to classes everyday...pre-med...yep, I gave up a full-ride scholarship to move to California to be with my Crazy Da. So many things...all clicking into place like a giant jig-saw puzzle...click...click...click...

I knew coming to you would be the end of "me"...click

I love "YOU" with all my heart...and always have...click...click

Your Victoria

19 comments:

  1. Victoria,
    How I love your emails and posts. Keep them coming please.

    Love,
    Waldo

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    1. Waldo, I'm sure I will find things to say from time to time ;-)

      Love laughing with you, Victoria

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    2. Hi Victoria, are you the same Victoria who has been posting as anonymously of late? If so thank you for the kind words recently and THANK YOU for these words today. It's all we have to share "this" that we are. Hopelessly inadequate, but beautiful nonetheless. As are you, that I AM that I AM. Yes, I am Krsna, Shiva, Vishnu, Christ and I have danced with the Goddesses, Parvarti, Rhada, Laxmi et al. And at the end of the day, as you say, I have a pee, brush my teeth and go to bed. (Popeye chuckle here!). Love knowing you.

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    3. Yes, that would be me, David...hopelessly inadequate, sometimes beautiful, and sometimes "evil". Ha-Ha! I appreciate your comment and your posts. Feel you a lot in your words and you always make me smile. Hope we meet sometime.

      Love, Victoria

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  2. Victoria, I feel the Love that you are, the Love that I am, behind the words that you write even though I can't remember anything you said seconds later.

    Thanks

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    1. I keep finding myself looking for a 'like' button.

      Wrong venue eh?

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  3. When I read someone's amazing experiences like this it produces a lot of longing for such states as well as feelings of inadequacy in not finding them yet. I think this shows how much 'spirituality' has become a mind-game. 'Success' is projected onto some future gain of spiritual power where I will be complete and people will think I'm cool because of it, just as people think I'm cool because of my new clothes or whatever. Such are my current mental investments. I'm looking for love just like everyone else seems to be.
    Then, I remember to just stop. Stop following the train of stories and go toward nothing. Ahh a little peace and rest...The stories will be there when I come back, just as the world and all my same problems are there when I wake in the morning.
    Hope everyone is doing well!

    rich

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  4. Rich, it is all wonderful. These "peak" experiences are just part of an unending series of experiences different from what you had before opening to much, much more. The bliss's and ecstasies come and go, but you increasingly feel continuously, and sometimes deleriously (sp?) happy, and increasing content to just sit back and watch them all go by. Look, I know emptiness; I know the voids and going beyond consciousness; but I really enjoy participating in the world and saying YES to it, joyously Yes!

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    1. Ed, how that resonates. You can examine the screen or admire the projector. You can also watch and enjoy the movie.
      With love,
      Waldo

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    2. Ed, thanks for the reply. That's one of the most important things I have learned from being around you--embracing whatever comes up. A short time ago I would feel some negative emotion or another and push it away so strongly, resist, resist, resist because it wasn't the loving reaction that the books said should always flow from me. But you told me through a number of means to embrace whatever comes up, and what a difference! I can internally love and wrap my arms around the negative and positive emotions that come up internally, just as I can wrap my arms around a friend who I meet on the street. It's not an end all, and doesn't always work, but it's a much better option to have than struggling against everything! Love is beginning to flow, still just a trickle, but who knows how it may grow with some nurturing.

      By the way, I hope to come visit this Fall if we can work out a good time. I miss you, but feel you often to some extent even now. I may not be your ripest tag-along, but something is at least keeping me hanging around! Thanks again.
      Love, rich

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  5. Hell Rich, I think you're cool anyway. Anybody that can tolerate this bunch is cool.

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    1. Thanks J--n! Hope all is well with you

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  6. Yes, Rich, I/we are mostly crazy as bat-shit half the time. I really enjoyed your comments and Ed's reply. And really felt you too.

    Much love,
    Victoria

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much! I enjoyed your writing above as well. There seems to be a lot of truth going around here and I feel a nice presence too when I "connect" with you all here and during satsang.

      Hey Ed, is there an online Satsang tomorrow?

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