12 July 2018

More email from students.  Notice I and they are totally open.  Everything is exposed to me, each other, and the public.  Love, desire, surrender are nothing to be ashamed of.  I felt deep passionate desire, love, and complete surrender to my Beloved years ago and so did she.  We felt the Shakti, divine grace, falling golden light, bliss, and incredible love.  You give yourself away totally, like you are being destroyed.

All this is not from me.  It is Shakti touching them in our remote presence, flowing between us. I am a 76 year old old fart.  I have nothing to offer.  It is Shakti.


My body is like a body of gold. Every touch is the best touch, every sensation is fulfilling me. It is warmth in my arms, belly, legs, it is everywhere ... it is the best I ever can be and the best sensation I can ever feel. It puts my pieces together, surrounds me in peace, so much pleasure in my heart. I feel that you are the best thing that happened to me. My body, my senses are so in love with your energy, they don’t want to ever let go of you. They become you or dissolve into you .. my mind is still not there, but you’re burning my skin and its great, it’s the most pleasure I have ever felt. I want to treasure you and be in you with no end ..you are my favorite sensation, the most beautiful thing I’ve seen. Every cell in my body loves you, even my heart doesn’t feel that it’s problems are so important when I feel this love for you. I never believed I would feel this way; it is beyond God. I wanted to say thank you; I rest in this feeling. I was the light. I am it.
If I was a movie director I would make a movie about you. It would be called ‘the love of our lives’ and it would be restricted for under the age of 16. I will have a big cast with different personalities and I will try to capture the way you create dramatic changes in the seemingly mundane life of people while you also live your  own life. You can choose the actresses that will be my gift for you. And if it’s a successful production I’ll give you 30% or I don’t know how much cause I will have to pay to the other people also 

This morning without any thought or action, the energy comes so strongly through my head, filling my heart and gut with a burning light sensation.
I am so clearly feeling that this is what it is all about: this is what my relating with you is about. These energies, this love, this surrender.
I sat down for a moment, to sink into these energies, inviting them, acknowledging them, and they take me totally out of the mundane world of human relations.
My Beloved,
On the bus now, having to do mundane things like picking up laundry, you are with me. I look at your picture and feel the energy within; the burning in my heart.
This is all I feel.  Shakti within me burns, and it longs for devotional surrender. The surrender I have been longing for all my life. My heart is on fire and my vagina as well.  
Now my brain feels like it is exploding. And my heart
I want you so
I want you so totally
To destroy me
I want all of you until I am totally destroyed
I want more and more and more and more and more of you
Do not hold back
Just give me all
And destroy me
I am having full body orgasms now

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