10 November 2014

Three Letters of Joy From Steve and My Long Reply

Three Emails From Steve:

Edji,  I would only tell you this.  No one else. I recently experienced an orgasm and just when the 'good' feeling started I invited the 'I AM' in.   I never felt my body and heart light up like it did. Intensely and all through my body, sooo deep a feeling of pleasure and bliss.  The I AM came right in and turned the whole subtle body on like a Christmas tree. I don't want it to stop.

My meditations are getting so that the I AM is right here in front of me and then it is me.  I am the I AM.  

The bliss just out balances the fear/depression.....I actually look forward to the depression coming in because it means that I'll be 'blissed-out" very soon afterwards.

I am waiting for satsang to start....I have a feeling that you are going to be giving Satsang from inside me, right from the Heart Center.

Love you,  Steve

Sri Edji, I admire how open you are and will try my best to be open to others also.  In my last e mail concerning the orgasm, I said it was private....well it is not private and can be shared.

In Satsang I think you are right that most people will run from the deeper emotions and dark feelings....I always did till your convinced me otherwise.  I hate those feelings but don't try and push them away because as you so eloquently explained, they are the door to realizing the Self.

The Self is right here now and has been the last 2 days....I am waiting for it to digest me and poop me out as a steaming sausage. 

Love you, Steve

Sri Edji,      I guess one could say I am 'dancing with the I AM'.  Such a beautiful morning...I have never been so in Love like this before. 

The  I AM  is everything, totally giving as it surrounded and engulfed me in such feelings of bliss..nothing else is needed.

Almost like being in high school and spotting a girl that really catches your eye and over the months you cross paths with her and one day finally meet her.  Her beauty is even more astounding the closer you get...like a fairy tale made in Heaven.  You hit it off and soon realize that she is falling in Love with you with the same amount of Love that you give her.

That first kiss is electric and the Fire of the Heart blazes forth.

I haven't ever sobbed like this, tears are really salty...Heaven is on Earth. 

God I love life, such a gift. Just as you Edji have been a direct gift from Jesus to me.  We will dance as long as possible.

Thank you Sri Edji, Love

From me:

You know Steve, I am mystified why so few come to our Satsangs with so many people sharing the kinds of experiences you have been having once you really begin to open to emotions and the experiences even the worst of them can bring upon integration of their energy. Besides that there is the energy we share that circulates through our Sangha during Satsang, blissful energies. Yet so few come.

Do people really think that by doing nothing, as the neo-Advaitins advise, just observing all that arises in the present, in Now, in any way can touch the Life Force, love and bliss that you feel by going deep into your sense of Self?

Do people really think that meditation on emptiness or No-Self can lead to happiness and an ecstatic life of deep emotional depths and then profound bliss and understanding, embraced by the God I Am?

Our method is not catching on.  It is not growing by itself.  Magical connections, syncronistic connections are not being made.

I am just astounded.

It was the same with my teacher Robert Adams who had a very different slant than I on emotions, bliss, and the world.

But we shared several things: we wore sweats and T-shirt  to Satsang to be more available to all; we rejected complex spiritual notions and metaphysics and talked in one and two syllable words and 10 word sentences.

We were humble in the sense we recognize everyone else is us.  What I have, they have. Utter equality, but they have not realized yet that they are God—the experience evades them because they have listened to wrong teachings and do not believe in a true Self beneath the false conceptual self.  Once they see through the conceptual self they think they are done and many even beome spiritual teachers without going any deeper.

Oh yes, they begin to deepen over time, but their students are being cheated for they are paying for these teachers’ on-the-job training and really not going anywhere, not experiencing the bliss and ecstasies and love you are experiencing now.  And not looking forward to experiencing pain, a broken heart, depression or fear because as soon as that affect is integrated, the bliss, joy, and complete happiness returns as the emotions’ energies have been added to the Self.

So Steve, what do we do?  How do we bring the good news of emotional openness and love of the I Am to the masses?  How do we make dramatic changes in the hearts of men?  How do we better state the value of love, erotic love, sibling love, parental love,  as a direct conduit to the experience of Self as God?

Why is it that those who have come so close to really getting all of it run away in fear and with anger?  Some come so close, then blow up so to speak.  Their encounter with their own demons that takes place for many in this opening process scares the bejeebers out of them and they run off to more orthodox teachers with lots of rituals, mantras, and practices.

It is all so simple:  Just become completely human. Immerse in your experience of Life, the eroticism, the emotions, suffering, physical pain, loneliness and despair, followed by ecstatic recognition of your own self as Love, as the Divine in the flesh, as fragile yet as having God within.

Is this not the story of Christ?  The suffering of the passion and rebirth into the kingdom of God right here in your own shoes.

Why does no one listen to such obvious truth?


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  1. Sri Edji, For me at 67 years old and a book full of horrendous experiences many which have tailed me from Vietnam...I think the mind most certainly didn't want to give them a good look and I did come very close to annihilating this body like many veterans have already done. What happened to stop it? You Edji, I had total and complete faith in you (some others tried to discourage me) and it was that strong faith and absolute commitment to you that made the difference. At times the depression was so so bad that Death actually visited me and shut down my body...I asked Death to take me right now as I couldn't move....then Mr. Death just slowly disintegrated like a puff a smoke. I realized that it was my True Self that said this and then knew in my Heart that Death had no power over the Self.
    When I first met you I thought your reply's to my questions were very direct and some may have pissed me off but your answers were always straight on. So within one month I knew you were legit and honest and Self-Realized. Other teachers playing the money game would have popped out a generic answer to keep the income flowing into their pockets. But you kicked my butt to keep me on the path. Our minds have developed a scenario over time that forces a Guru to jump through hoops (Guru's don't do this, gurus don't do that...all sorts of nonsense). And the Mind wins 'again and again, lifetime after lifetime.
    When my commitment to this path became TOTAL...about 2 years ago...the desire also became TOTAL. I have felt like a man underwater and I have to get to the top to get air...I need to get to the top...the drive is like a 500 hp motorcycle, nothing is going to stop me (family, friends, other devotees, etc.)
    When I met my wife for the first time my Heart was literally on Fire for over a year...I knew then that her and I had made a commitment back in time to come together and go back Home together. She practices and also teaches our cats, rabbits and fish about the Self.
    For me I had to see through the meaninglessness of physical possessions, attachments, past programming and beliefs to see the beauty within all these things.
    You know what I have no idea what the hell I am saying or even who I am. But the music I am listening to right now has become me and I am the notes and harmony are me. I have never seen or felt such bliss and beauty...getting lost again. see ya, steve

  2. Perhaps so few listen to such obvious truth because for many, the truth might not be so obvious after all. Just becoming completely human by immersing in all of life, emotions and suffering might not be all so simple for people who have a lifelong training of closing in the face of emotions. When people who really want to open up run away in fear and anger, they are apparently not well prepared for staying open to these emotions at this stage. Is this really the best advice on how to break the habit of following the mind instead of staying with feelings? For me, Devotional Advaita as described in the last post is way to complicated. But my stage is clearly kindergarten spirituality as it is sometimes called on this site.

  3. Edji, you can add this to the post I learned it in AA. 'Keep coming back, it works if you work it' and 'Sit down, shut up and listen'. steve

  4. I kinda understand people who cannot tolerate this teaching. at first you feel very resistant , like ' i run from human and you say come back, fuuuuuuuck... ' and then if you are lucky enough you factually feel deep inside 'unfortunately this is the truth he is talking' - it just resonates. i want fancy high seat , looking down to life and having nothing to do with it, but actually so many people i met who plunge into spirituality just want recognition and love (thats why they are in the rush to become 'teachers' ). since i was 7~ i felt this way from time to time, just simply wanted love, but as you grow up you make this 'goal to be loved' hidden behind some kind of 'cloth' ranging from demonic actions like demeaning other to feel a value in yourself to something angelic like being kind and open because then you feel loved. it is kinda difficult to explain these mechanics... since i first came to you i never doubted your 'qualification', only my readiness.... always postponing....
    i was kinda satisfied for a period of time with experiences God gave me (astral, getting a hammer blow to the brain and waking up from conceptual and constant thinking processes, seeing Ramana, Shiva in visions and getting teachings which led to short experiences of vastness, where you are kinda totally out of the world, totally free, feeling no body, no world, no thoughts, but still existing (i believe this is the Void you talk about)).
    I don't remember how i found your orange site, but i do remember that all my experiences stopped the moment i came here and started hearing you.
    I talk in a past tense, because you cannot be 'satisfied' all the time with some experiences and insights, there is still some 'uncertainty' like ' so wtf am i ? after all these years? ', no actual experience of the Living Divine Within, it is so familiar when you talk about the uncertainty of who you are until Self is revealed...

    I just wanted to say - You Are Not For The Masses - Sorry About That. Only one-two-three people find precious brilliant under the Earth - it is rare and not for the masses. It is presented to the masses , you can buy it if you can, but who can? you need to have cash (openness and the most important - courage). So i wish myself and others too - to have courage not only to listen to Ed, but have courage to follow the path.
    This is very important Ed, better 20 strong trees that will make the foundation of new earth, than billion leaves that will disappear on the first strong wind blow.
    Thank you for reading.

  5. I agree. This is christian but beyond what the Church teaches. The Church teaches imitatio-christie ( imitation of Christ). But Jung was one of the first to discover imitatio christie is not possible without understanding the unconscious first, which is what you are saying here. There is a long road of Self-discovery before one can imitate christ. In your framework, that is the first two realizations. The third is acting like christ with all the involvement in suffering, vulnerability, energies and miracles were the mind does not exist. Total agreement! Who is teaching this so clearly now other than you? Kashmiri Shaivism comes close in theory but I have not found any living examples that are not mired in tradition.