Strangely though the Self is difficult to find because we are not used to focusing on our Self. We don’t look within, watch and explore. We don’t sit still to feel our own heart beat. We don’t listen to the sounds in our head that are always there. We don’t look into the inner darkness that shrouds ever-flowing internal energies from being seen.
We do not feel into our heart area to feel the small electric impulses that mark the beginning of feeling of the I Am sensation.
We don’t look into our gut from the inside, or feel from the inside to find the root cauldron of Hara energies. We do not perceive ourselves as a spiritual presence within and without the body, a sort of ghost within the physical mechanism of the body.
We do not playfully explore our emotions, all of them, with an attitude of excited exploration. Indeed, many run from emotions in fear of anticipated pain. Many run from relationships from fear of being suffocated, or of experience heartbreaking loss and grief. So very, very few really experience the full spectrum of emotion, and as such, have no access to the experience of Subtle Body energies.
Few have sat still long enough and looked within attentively so that the darkness within melts and gives way to a vast self-illumined Emptiness, the Void, which contains everything, all phenomena.
So few have gone deeper yet and experienced the bliss of the foundational state known as Turiya, wherein originates the feeling of I Am. Ramana and Nisargadatta both referred to this as realization of the Godhead, the Atman, which deeper experience reveals as identical to God him or herself, and with it the recognition that one’s own Self is complex and deep yet unified: You are God; you are Senience, the ability to sense yourself and the world; you are Knowing of who and what you are; you are bliss; you are Emptiness; you are the energies that flow through your body and also through your Subtle Body, AKA as your sense of Presence.
All these things you are, far greater than anything you can imagine until you spend years of internal watching with the same intensity as you explore the external world looking for answers to internal questions and for completion and happiness.
The search for another, a companion, is really usually a search for one’s own self, the illumined soul, in another.
Some rare beings do find their own soul in another, a lover, a guru, God, a mountain, and gain Self-Realization in that way. We see in the other that which we do not see or feel within ourselves.
In some we feel they move with the gravity of a planet and are able to plumb the depths of existence by their merest touch. Others are firebrands, whose touch excites the Life Force in us long dormant from boredom with the external world.
In some we find a deep quiet, an access to the Void and the light of the Void. We “feel” that in their presence and we stay to acquire it. In their presence, it is easier to experience it in ourselves.
It is because of this understanding I can say that loneliness, or even desperation for companionship, the other, is actually a hidden desperation of finding and knowing our own Self totally, from top to bottom.
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