20 November 2014

Steve disspells darkness, Ed gives fair warning.


Edji,  Thank you,  your right on target and this new counselor is working really great.

We did a simple relaxation yesterday and I found that ball of darkness that has been following me since childhood.  Identifying it, giving it a name and moving it out ....then filling in the empty space it left with the  I AM-pure white light which also brought on a vision of my parents telling me as a child, 'don't do that, don't do this' and generally negative responses.

I could see where my parents’ negativity (dad in WWII for 5 years) was actually being mirrored within me. So I always felt that the task at hand was out of my control, was claustrophobic and didn't like entering experiences that I didn't pre-plan for.

This has to digest for a week or two but I feel a light has been turned on inside, any undefined fear has just gone away, I don't care about all the strange sounds anymore and god I just feel deeply  at peace-a rare feeling for me.

It leaves me in very close to a Total Peace Within and now allows me to join and Love the I AM even that much more.

I feel gratitude to my Vietnam experience and all the triggers that brought the whole shitting caboodle right to my plate and much deeper gratitude to you Edji for without your teachings I would have spent this life with that ball of darkness. I thank you my dear fellow.

Love you deeply,  Steve


If you have been followed by a negative ball of energy/emotions for your entire life, it is not likely that it can evaporate in one session.  When it comes back it may initially have a different feel or form, but when it does, this time let it kill you.  In other words, adopt the attitude that it is always there, therefore it is a part of you that you have been rejecting, and admit to yourself you cannot do that anymore.  You need to completely feel and join with that darkness in order to be made whole. 

In other words, you have to be ready in your heart to die from the experience.  Only in that way will you be open enough to really experience that dark ball to see what it is all about, to absorb it, and bring it into you, completing you, and finding the bliss on the other side.

What you have done is applied a band aid to a rupturing aorta; you need surgery that has the “feeling” of the possibility of death by dark ball of negative energy.


Sri Edji,   I think the answer to your past questions regarding limited number of devotees is that they don't want to go through Hell. 

Holy shit, when you say Self-Realization you mean it and don't really beat around the bush. This is one damn path that is just like walking point in the jungle...ya just never know where the next bullet/issue is coming from and whether or not it is going to be fatal.

You are very powerful in this way and when devotees get close to you and your teachings they are put in a position where it seems like life and death. They are faced with the Mirror' and what is in the 'Mirror' is usually something they have been avoiding for lifetimes. But instead of seeing the reflection the blame goes totally on you for being such a so-and-so.

I can see where this path can take lifetimes unless the devotion and desire is Total. It certainty is not a plaything or an escape mechanism as it does not work that way.

Anyway I'll keep eating the dark ball but sometimes I just want to Scream and Scream as the darkness never leaves.....I have a difficult time accepting that it is my own shadow.

Thank you for sticking close to me Edji, Love steve


Even with total desire for Self-Realization and dedication to the task it will take lifetimes.  That has to be your attitude: whatever it takes, for as long as it takes.

The bliss and Self-Knowing is entirely worth the effort, and never ceases to deepen.

If you want instant enlightenment you have to go with the neos who only ask you to look within for five minutes, and then finding nothing there, conclude that there is no Self, and that they are perfect the way they are. Full stop.

But this is delusional.  They have not really “felt” into themselves; they have only looked into their hearts and guts, not felt the I Am sense there, and they will never find it by looking, only through loving.  The Self is only found by loving, loving someone or something else totally, or by loving whatever arises during self-inquiry, through introspection.


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  1. You gave me a powerful lesson in this one Edji...When I get a job and and on my feet again..you're on my list to receive a piece of it.

    "You need to completely feel and join with that darkness in order to be made whole" I needed to hear that...as hard as it is to do. Thank you,

  2. Wow, this post just shows clearly how Guru does not let you deviate or get lost on the path. Sometimes it seems 'finally, i am done', no you are not...