15 September 2012

Well, the deed  is done.
Little Red is dead.

The vet said the tumor has not shrunk any, and his gums were even whiter, meaning more anemia.  He was more active now because the massive amounts of steroids were canabalizing his muscle tissue, but giving him more energy to live.  He lost a half pound of weight in three days, which was 10% of his body weight--in just three days.

Reimer said he'd probably crash, as so often happens when people delay euthanasia, to the middle of night.  Red was in pain with a very sensitive abdomen.

So both Kerima and I felt the time was right. It felt right.  Red was dying feeling a little better than two days ago, rather than going off being rushed to a emergency vet in the middle of the night.

He was killed by injecting a 5 X overdose of an anesthetic, and was dead within 15 seconds after an injection into a vein in his thigh.  Red did not fight at any time, and was very passive. 

Both Kerima and I cried.  I had to drive, she couldn't.  We went to a coffee house and had coffee in silence.  Then we went to dinner, and again ate in silence.

We both felt so angry that this little cat had died two days after his second birthday of a very aggressive cancer.

I am home in my office where Little Red lived.  Lakshmi seems confused because Little Red is not here.  She keeps looking for him.

Little Red will be cremated and join our family on the fireplace mantle.


  1. Dear Edj,
    it was very hard to read you during all that moments about little Red dying ...because it looked like you have entirely opened your heart to be seen by all of us and we could'nt look away because you are so heartfelt, so simple that it is impossible not feeling the same pain as you ! So you have obliged me to awake all those painfully feelings that were asleep and at moment i feel i was angry to make that because i wanted to go down in the self only and stop with all that bad things to feel !
    when i was reading I was feeling again all that feelings what you were speaking : depression, sadness, angry ...so i was listening chants still and still and going within . i am so tired with all that pain !
    And with your last message about telling how little Red was dying i am suddenly feeling very appeased , perhaps because you were it...i though it was very beautiful to die in that conditions , with people around who love and a shot to stop !
    And since yesterday i am feeling very strong peace and love from the self . i had never felt that before!
    Thank you Edj to share with us all that , that make us participating and growing together with all that difficult feelings you have to across in that valley of sorrow
    much love for you !

  2. go and see on you Tube : it is about a marvellous veterinary who is called Norin Chai

  3. otherlink : http://youtu.be/XBlX0dyjSo4link :Norin's ark

  4. Beloved Edji!

    I wanted to share how much it touches me to hear about little Red´s death. But I find no words Edji, everything I write sounds like a lie and doesn´t describe how deep this innocent little cat´s death breaks my heart-open and shows me my own feelings of helplessness, depair and neediness. I can´t stop crying.

    I deeply feel- we are sentience.

    With all the love from my healing heart to you and your family.