12 September 2012


I am feeling an almost crushing depression this morning because of little Red's illness.  I'll take him to a new vet this afternoon, but there is little hope.  The two vets, including an oncologist, that have seen him, have no idea.  We have just been treating symptoms.

My feeling is once again I have failed someone. I did not act sooner, more aggressively, etc.  This is much as I felt about my favorite cat, Satchi, when she died 15 years ago.  My love, my care failed her.

So many times have I failed to provide animals or people with what they needed, yet it is only with the approach of death that the failure's effects truly reach home.


  1. I feel your depression, Ed. And for that reason alone you have not failed me.

  2. yes it is very cruel to see perhaps you have not do all it was possible to help and save somebody ...that feeling seems like a deep tear in the heart .But as you say for others feelings we have to accept that also and i think we must be very humble and full of compassion also for our human misery .
    we love you Edji !

  3. I feel it. I lost loved pets in the past. But because of those losses i am not Mr.Void-cold-fish.
    Don't be sad Ed! You do very well, in my eyes you are God! I love You, You are beautiful, majestic, the source of inspiration to all beings, You are brought here for a reason or maybe no reason, who cares! Certainly You bring humans to new heights!!!!!!!!

  4. Dear Edji, There are a few people you have not failed: Robert. You followed his teachings, loved him and became a light to seekers. All of us. You have provided us with the highest teachings consistently. Living fearlessly by example, always confessing your truth, always open and vulnerable, honest and clear. Your cats. You have shown them mercy, compassion and love far beyond the meager lot that would have befallen them had you and Kerima not rescued them. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank. We love you.

  5. I had similar feelings in the death of my little chihuahua last year. She got sick suddenly one day and I thought she'd be ok, but then in the evening it was obvious that there was something seriously wrong, and I took her then to pet er, but it was too late and she died there. I have huge regrets and some guilt about not taking her to the vet sooner - in retrospect it was so OBVIOUS that it wasn't a normal tummy upset.

    She was so sweet.