I feel extremely guilty.
A friend of mine, who is very poor and who feeds 15 colonies of cats at night (maybe 80 cats), called me and said her car broke down and she can't feed tonight. She needs a new car and is going with her brother-in-law tonight to look for one for her. Or, she could get a loan to fix her 21 year old car.
She wanted me to take over tonight for as many days as it takes to buy or fix her car.
Six weeks ago, her car broke down and at the last minute she called, and I fed her extra 80 cats at 15 spots for five days before her car was fixed. I also gave her $110 in cat food for October because she ran out of money fixing her car and getting it smogged.
However, now I am feeding four of Jimmy's abandoned colonies as well as four of my own. I work doing medical records editing, and I spent several days preparing for the first international satsang last night, which went well and will be posted later. But maybe because it was number one, the preparation was hard.
I have a full plate maintaining two blogs, an animal blog, this blog, writing lots of responses to seekers, feeding eight colonies, and trying to get 2 full psychological evaluation reports out a day.
I am 68 years old and have severe arthritis in my right hip. It is hard to get into and out of a car with a bad hip 23 times a night, especially when she asked for help at the last minute.
And at this moment I am struggling with guilt about not feeding her 80 cats. Hopefully, in the next few minutes the energy will come. Tomorrow I will offer to pay for a rental car for her, but rental agencies need a credit card and hers is maxed out, leaving mine and I'll be the primary renter.
Then Jimmy called and he needs help also. I finally located a room for him to live in if he does some chores there, but he needs someone to hold his hand at each stage, like a little child, and needs more time than I can spare. I won't talk about it because it is just too much.
I just don't have the energy I had at 40-50 to keep so many balls juggling.
But I feel badly for Marie and the cats who may not eat tonight. I could probably do it tomorrow night if she didn't buy a car if I had a few helpful students in the area that could drive me around. Any takers?