05 November 2010

I feel extremely guilty.

A friend of mine, who is very poor and who feeds 15 colonies of cats at night (maybe 80 cats), called me and said her car broke down and she can't feed tonight. She needs a new car and is going with her brother-in-law tonight to look for one for her. Or, she could get a loan to fix her 21 year old car.

She wanted me to take over tonight for as many days as it takes to buy or fix her car.

Six weeks ago, her car broke down and at the last minute she called, and I fed her extra 80 cats at 15 spots for five days before her car was fixed. I also gave her $110 in cat food for October because she ran out of money fixing her car and getting it smogged.

However, now I am feeding four of Jimmy's abandoned colonies as well as four of my own. I work doing medical records editing, and I spent several days preparing for the first international satsang last night, which went well and will be posted later. But maybe because it was number one, the preparation was hard.

I have a full plate maintaining two blogs, an animal blog, this blog, writing lots of responses to seekers, feeding eight colonies, and trying to get 2 full psychological evaluation reports out a day.

I am 68 years old and have severe arthritis in my right hip. It is hard to get into and out of a car with a bad hip 23 times a night, especially when she asked for help at the last minute.

And at this moment I am struggling with guilt about not feeding her 80 cats. Hopefully, in the next few minutes the energy will come. Tomorrow I will offer to pay for a rental car for her, but rental agencies need a credit card and hers is maxed out, leaving mine and I'll be the primary renter.

Then Jimmy called and he needs help also. I finally located a room for him to live in if he does some chores there, but he needs someone to hold his hand at each stage, like a little child, and needs more time than I can spare. I won't talk about it because it is just too much.

I just don't have the energy I had at 40-50 to keep so many balls juggling.

But I feel badly for Marie and the cats who may not eat tonight. I could probably do it tomorrow night if she didn't buy a car if I had a few helpful students in the area that could drive me around. Any takers?


  1. Master I can understand your guilt.
    I am equally restless.

    We will need to find 1 or 2 dedicated volunteers (even if we have to pay them every month)who share the same passion as you who can work for the cats.

    Donations can be used to recruit them.

    we have to find atleast one more apart from Jimmy to help you with this.

  2. Dear Edji,

    Is it guilt or deep sadness caused by the recognition of physical limitations?

    I do not live in LA but will be helping with donations.

    Love and devotion,

  3. Hi Ed,

    Wow that's quite a challenge you have. I don't live anywhere near you.
    I have a suggestion or two.
    It's clear you need both money and physical.Two ideas came to mind.

    1. One could you offer to mentor 1 person who for rent exchange they would have much more access to you for spiritual tutoring [possibly
    a spare room] but you get to interview the applicant first.

    2. I would contact Dr.John Nasse in Ojai, Ca. John is a amazing being.
    He's a retired psychiatrist who love Advaita and all serious inquires. He knows everything of what is happening in Ojai and is a extremely generous being with his time and is well connected.

    The reason I mention the Ojai area as you may know it's a spiritual mecca and is filled with beautiful, giving folks that love to support worthy causes and have the funds to do so. Please don't be shy about connecting with John I know he would love to hear from you. You can find Dr. Nasse contact info online at the link below.

    For the mod. The link is for Ed. Feel free to leave it in or take it out either way is fine

    with love

  4. I like to give up my job, leave my place in Holland, get an airplane and settle with you to be your humble and devoted servant. My problem is that though I love cats I have a strange allergic for them. So I make a little donation for this lovely creatures and hope to be with you in the silence.

  5. What I is left to feel anything for you?

    Ed, you are truly an amazing teacher, and you cut yourself short when you say you are only on the first floor.

    You are at least on the 68th...
    I love you Ed and thank you for being.


  6. Edji,

    If you feel guilty, I feel ashamed of myself. You are teaching, guiding and doing all these selfless activities of compassion yourself; that too physically. I even feel sad that you have still to write medical transcription for a living. It may be a good idea, as Rajivji mentioned, to pay for volunteers till some permanent solution arise.

    It would be great to see Edji NOT having to work for his living in this physical condition. It is the duty of us disciples and others who benefit from his teachings, guidance and cooking. More than the duty, it is a sheer blessing for us to serve our Sadguru. Let us all put our efforts, as much as one's financial and physical conditions permits, to help Edji focus comfortably on teaching and guiding his students and seekers. This effort is also part of meditation, cooking oneself and to allow us the space for grace to flow.

    On my part, though away from LA, I would try my best to assist any project within all possible means. If most of us can be take initiative of ourselves in whatever way we can and stick on this is not a difficult thing at all.

    My humble pranaams to all those selfless, who are already doing an incredible service, visibly and invisibly.

  7. Go forward, and make advances down this road of love;
    In forward motion, the pain is great.
    I pull a sun from my coin purse each day.
    And at night I let my pet the moon
    Run freely into the sky meadow.
    If I whistled,
    She would turn her head and look at me.
    If I then waved my arms,
    She would come back wagging a marvelous tail
    Of stars.
    There are always a few men like me
    In this world
    Who are house-sitting for God.
    We share His royal duties:
    I water each day a favorite potted plant
    Of His--This earth.
    Ask the Friend for love.
    Ask Him again.
    For I have learned that every heart will get
    What it prays for

    thanks Ed for sharing

  8. Dearest Edji,
    We all hear your call for the opportunity to step up and be of service. I will not be able to assist you physically as I am traveling but will send you donation to help. Please know that I will help in any way that I can upon my return to the LA area.
    Much love, Liz

  9. Ed,
    sorry i cannot help. I'm half way around the planet but will be making donations.
    bless you master!

  10. Namaskar,

    Same sentiments as many above, and like them live millions of miles away so will donate to help out where possible.


  11. Hi Edji,

    Please do not take this the wrong way . We all know the story of feeding the masses with fish and then teaching the person to fish.
    Well since we cannot teach cats to feed themselves, go buy cat food etc
    and since cats multiply like crazy you have 2 million now next year you are looking at 4 million. This is the real problem and though feeding the cats is a important and satisfying thing to do for the person feeding them(it makes you feel good) The much more important thing than feeding is 2 fold.

    1Create free spray clinics in the LA area by having neutering free on certain days.
    2. Even more important raise the awareness for cat owners how important this is and get them to go on free days with their furry friends.

    Edji if this is not done feeding them is like trying to melt a ice cube with a single match.
    It's not that this is a good idea it has to be done.If not them we are sentencing millions of cats to their death. Feeding them only lasts for a while as the cat you feed today will have to compete with 2 times the cats next year for food.

  12. Have you ever looked at my animal blog? I work with many rescuers and have been actively engaged in both doing TNR and advocating for it on many, many levels.

    Did you assume that since I fed cats, I didn't also practice TNR? Everybody who maintains colonies is well aware of what you say, and most are in contact with TNR people.

    Keeping the little guys sterilized and healthy is far more difficult and expensive than just feeding them.

    Unfortunately in LA, our public spay/neuter program has taken a drastic hit because of budget cuts.

  13. Oh my apology then very happy to hear this. Sorry I did not know about your blog. Your correct I should not assume.
    Keep up the great work

  14. I am rendered utterly helpless ...

    It seems that all I can 'do' is fling myself at your Beloved Lotus Feet ... and beg for forgiveness for my responsibility in creating all this.

    Eternal surrender, D