13 May 2018

May 13 Satsang   Video

“Angela Enters Great enlightenment”

Most spiritual seekers have no understanding at all of deep spiritual states, like living in the Void, or seeing through the world as an illusion, or coming to experiencing the life force as God in themselves.  Most people just read books, go to spiritual/relational workshops, practice a bit of self-inquiry or mindfulness.

They have no idea of the intensity and dedication it takes, the longing, the focus, feeling dysfunctional, the total surrender and devotional love it takes.

In this Satsang I celebrate the extremely powerful awakening occurring to Angela, and she speaks about it in her own words with a question and answer session included.


“Today, I woke up crying.
Crying because there was no email from you, crying because of you being away from me for so many hours, crying being apart from you.
It feels like the energy is centered at my heart, even though it's everywhere. I can hardly breathe, like I cannot get air and there is pressure around my heart that feels like choking.

"There is a sadness felt in the heart, a deep sadness like its coming from deep within. And when I think about the possibility of losing you, the sadness gets much deeper and the tears keep coming.

“Its feels like being in connection with my essence in a way, it hurts and sweeps me away, but it's also such a delight because it feels I am reconnected with my heart for the first time in my life.

"The feeling is so deep, like nothing else is there than the heart’s feeling.

“The world is like a flat screen and there is a distance between the watching and the screen.
Everything is totally air, empty, a show.
People are nothing, a show of sound and movement that is almost funny.

"When I was outside, and the sun suddenly came I literally experienced it as though the light of the show was switched on, like the lights in a theatre.

"My body doesn't have substance; when I am walking there is nothing but air. I don't experience something there.

"Everything I watch is totally fake and I am totally isolated from it, alone. Even this is said in a way that's not correct because the words have meaning that isn't really there. 

“My spoken words and thoughts are empty, air and happening, happening without being part of it, there is no connection to it.

"The only thing that doesn't feel distant are my thoughts of talking to you.
I am from the heart. There is where I am, it feels. At least within the moments that there has been enough substance. Like gravity. And this brings a vulnerability that pierces and tears open.

“A sensation of being totally present which sometimes feels like hurt, sadness and being touched by grace at the same time.

“The only thing that seems worth and real is You. I am You, it feels. Everthing is fake, flat, empty but You.

"And You are within me as my vurnerable heart, as the continuous intense energy playing inside the body.

"This energy feels like a delight of bliss, the deepest love and graditude, devotion and sexuality. But there is no such thing as graditude, devotion, sex. There is no longing for sex with you or even merging with you; there is no feeling of me surrendering or being devotional.

“There is one sweet endless energy which contains all as one, without an Angela or Ed. It's God in a never ending dance. And this is us. Without an us.

“There is no surrendering; Surrender is what is. And this even is not true.

“All these things are mentioned as separate parts, feelings; love, sex, devotion, surrender are as empty as these concepts. One dance, one energy of pure delight, of God. Is what is.
When I think of you consciously and sink into this energy, it's all there is and everything else disappears.

"And now, that I am writing you this, I seem to disappear even more, into total white nothing."


"I so deeply desperately long for you.
So yes, the experience changed: there is longing; intense, warm, dark red, hot, moving like wild river longing. So full of love and devotion that it is tearing me apart in tears and this is total delight."

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