HERE IT IS
A post from a female student I have been providing quotes from that detail her passage from awakening sexuality mutating into human attachment and human love, and then transmuting over about a week into divine love, where she discovered the divine in her was loving, worshiping, and surrendering to the divine in me, not to Ed Muzika the human.
Many who have read her posts think they are all about having sexual desires for me and me encouraging that. But I posted the posts because they are really focusing on surrender and worship, not of me, but worship of the divine in both of us which I call the life force.
This morning I felt totally possessed by the energies. It felt like a force within me was pushing me towards surrender. The energy came especially strong from my sex center, my womb area, but today I felt more clearly than ever that this had nothing to do with sex. The desire for genital rubbing feels superficial compare to this.
I experienced a pushing towards total surrender to God, with my whole being, heart, body, mind. A desire to give myself completely, being totally possessed by God. I felt this as an emotional desire as well as an energy that made my body in a way dysfunctional. My body felt so soft and open, especially my womb, that I could hardly walk. It came with being completely taken over by the desire to be possessed by, as well as possess my Beloved. Not my Beloved as a person, but as the energy of God within him and in me.
For the first time, I understood from experiencing, that we were playing on two different levels; the human level of the personal relationships, and the divine level. In my case the human level has had the desire to surrender out of the experience of love and lust, along with a fear of surrender with all kinds of attached analyses and emotions.
On a human level surrender means I as a person surrender to you as a person. This generates a lot of conflicting ideas and emotions. The trust or distrust to surrender is on the human level, filled with ideas and conflicts.
The energy of surrender I felt today was like a warm, strong pushing and giving an experience which I can now call a divine orgasm. It was an orgasmic, ecstatic connection between the God in both of us.
As a person I would not surrender my whole being to another person, but this energy made me feel totally helpless and taken over in the most delightful way.
There is nothing but total surrender I desire. Take me, take me completely. I am yours God, to play with, to possess. Rip open my heart, my vagina, my whole body and being and take me please.
When you called Ed, this energy experience changed into total relaxation and a feeling of being transparent. No body was felt, no boundary; just energy that felt transparent like air going through and going into endless white subtle energy.
I could totally drop to the floor, while feeling YES, YES!, and this brought back the warm, forceful energy, that can superficially be described as sexual but feels much deeper, as divine because there was only light and ecstasy, not lust coursing through my entire body, from my vagina going into my brain. This was no longer human. I was possessed by God.
When I imagined being penetrated by love, I could totally relax and surrender into this and all became still.
When I looked at you, there was no person looking at another, there was only heart and total soft love. This made me go into orgasms that were felt as sexual movements in my womb and in my upper body, but the orgasms were without any substance.
There was no body there, no person, only emptiness. My upper body and head disappeared in bliss of white light energy which had sparks like fireworks.
Looking at You, there was love white, so soft in energy, like an endless field without someone to own it.