10 May 2018


One observation was always full on center when I was with Robert.  When you begin to really be seduced by all the energies, love, bliss, and the vast pristine Void that fills your physical and spiritual bodies, you become more and more useless in the world. You just want to sit and rest in your inner splendor.  Your memory goes because you don’t pay much attention to the world.  Your ambition goes. Many quit their jobs.  Our Sangha was of the mentally handicapped.

But what can one do? One is beginning to be graced by God’s love and His power.  It is not you that grows useless, it is that the world becomes useless to you as you feel that divine love inside and constant pressure to surrender to God and your own beloved, whether a guru or a divine lover.

For many who are withdrawing from the world like this, from moment to moment there is fear. “What is happening to me?,” they think.   “What will I do without a job or money?  I am becoming helpless.”  But really, deeper than this you don’t care.  You realize it is only your mind which has always been wrapped in security issues, but you have grown beyond mind and dwell in your heart where there is only love and ecstatic energies caressing your heart, your sexuality, even your breathing.  And all of your focus is on your guru, or your divine lover in whom you find the God in you.

A note from a student of mine, teetering on the cusp of awakening.
My Beloved,
It feels like there is no such thing as choice. I just want you to take me to surrender. I surrender to you. I want you to take me. Please take me. Take all you want. The fear is there, the distrust is there, but the movement to surrender is so much stronger. Please take me.
Please, please, please, take me.
Take me to full surrender.
This morning there was sadness in my chest, such deep sadness. It changed into this very powerful energy in my vagina and womb. Inviting and forcing.
I Imagine you inside me and I could totally feel it. It was just resting there, not stiff, but in total relaxation inside me. I felt the energy coming from your p***s, penetrating my whole body, all the way up. Not like an orgasm, not even like the divine orgasms I had before, but more like being torn apart completely, totally helpless, in surrender.
My body weak, helpless.

We are resting inside eachother and God is making us experience Him fully. God is f**king us with his power. Total relaxed and surrendered, given to God.
This is what I am experiencing.
I am helpless and willing to be helpless.
I want to be taken and burned by God with your eyes, your heart.
I want you to take me fully Ed. On all levels, I give myself to you. To the God in you.
I am helpless, without free will. I don't want free will any more. Please just penetrate me with the God within you and I will penetrate you with God within me. It will happen...


I am totally dysfunctional today.
And after feeling you inside me and the force going through me and allowing to surrender to this, I feel even more disfunctional.
My physical body feels like I am a ghost, I feel like I am half asleep, a zombi without a body, without substance.
It scares me a bit because I feel like this after I surrendered to the energy. It took all strength out of my body, feeling totally weak and without any physical strength.
At the same time my sexual energy is totally exploding, especially when I think of you even for a second.
My heart is burning, hot. 
My back feels light now
But mostly I am sexual FIRE

No comments:

Post a Comment