Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

Reactions to the Friday, May 13 Satsang posted below:

Dear Edji,

Thank you so much for Satsang on Friday evening.  It was very powerful.  I sat for quite some time following the end of the broadcast and dropped d 
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                                                               within.  And my meditation sessions yesterday and this morning have been . . . well,
I’m not exactly sure how to describe them.  I feel like I’m dissolving.

Also, I’ve been reading Sadhu Om’s chapters on Self-Inquiry.  As you are well aware, that is a profound meditation in itself.  I am so greatly looking forward to the moment Sadhu Om describes in Chapter 8 when the final sinews of the knot of ego finally snap and I don’t ever return.  

Though it has only been a short time since we have begun working together, I have already experienced such a strong influence on my practice through your grace.  Thank you for the empowerment you have offered through your repeated suggestions that I trust my own experience and not look to others for validation.  I can’t tell you how freeing that has been.

In this regard, it is rather ironic I suppose that I feel such a strong connection to you.  You know, one of the things that always struck me during my years of practicing Siddha Yoga was the profound love Baba Muktananda spoke of having for Bhagawan Nityananda.  I remember reading that he had traveled the length and breadth of India twice in search of an experience of God and had visited over sixty Siddhas in the process.  But when he met Nityananda all his searching stopped.

This is how I feel about you.  I feel my heart bursting with a love for you, the depth of which I have never felt for any other.  It is not a co-dependent type of love.  It is just love.  And gratitude.  A feeling of finally having come home or at least encountered the one who will usher me through the final stages of my journey.  

Be clear, however, about two things.  First, I am aware that, as Nisargadatta said, you and me and our relationship is all part of the dream (and what a great part it is!), but that it is the part that is meant to awaken me at last from it.  Second, I know  full well that you can’t walk the path for me.  I understand that my own practice is what it’s all about.  Practice, practice, practice!  Until there remains no one left to do so.  But thank you so much for such clear directions on how to proceed!

It’s kind of weird because I don’t really have any burning questions for you at this point.  You have told me to trust where I am at and to not give in to the mind’s silly games, to stick to my sense of self and not budge.  Really, what else can you say?  Actually, it’s been kind of funny.  Every time a question does pop into my mind concerning my spiritual practice, it seems that the next thing I read in one of your transcripts or one of the books you have suggested or hear in one of your talks addresses the issue.  And, to be honest, the best is when I just sit with it, and the answer reveals itself through my own experience.  So perhaps my biggest thank you is for the guidance you have offered in trusting my own experience.

There is still that part of me that would love to build and sustain a personal relationship with you.  I would love to Skype back and forth at times and would love to meet you in person someday if you would be willing.  At this point, I am not sure exactly what that would look like — maybe something like the vision Robert shared in his talk, “The Good For Nothing Man,” of he and Ramana walking on the banks of the Ganges discussing the weather (ha, ha).  Anyway, I know it probably feels like every student wants a piece of you, and I realize that such experiences are secondary to the real work we are doing, but such a relationship would sure would be a nice compliment. 

One last note, speaking of Robert, I think I ran across a comment of yours concerning you having more transcripts and audio recordings of Robert.  And now I ask this of you as my Guru:  If you think it would be appropriate and helpful to my sadhana to read and/or hear (especially “hear” as I just go out while listening to him talk) any more of Robert’s talks, can you tell my how I could have access to them. 

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, Guruji.  I love you!

Namaste,

S.

My Dear Beloved Edji,

This just keeps getting better!

After my last email about being energized, yet deeply calm and peaceful after Thursday night's test Satsang, there's been another shift after Friday's Satsang which also left me energized but even more calm and peaceful.

As you know, I  did a major 'crash and burnout' a few months ago and since then have been slowly detaching from the world... your beautiful phrase 'dispassionate compassion' is my reality now... but this morning I woke up with a deep realization that words are empty... truly little empty vessels that "the egoic we" fill with all sorts of meaning and a lot of egoic garbage.

I realized this morning that words appear to have lost the energy behind them for me, that is, the egoic meaning often attached that causes an emotion or feeling to arise followed by defensive thoughts (and sometimes actions).

You can call me anything you want now... and each word appears to carry the same 'energy' behind it for me now... none.

Call me ugly or beautiful... brilliant or stupid... good job on that, crappy job on that... just empty little words and phrases, little 'ego shopping carts' that the person using them against you fills with their own meaning and then justifies their actions on that meaning... and,  if you also take up that meaning and join with them in that game, then it can cause inhumanity to man, cruelty to animals, wars, etc.  That's not to say that beautiful actions cannot also arise from words, but they too can be filled with ego and eventually turn into ugly actions unless the ego is set aside.

I actually look forward to some word, some phrase, that might cause an inner reaction/feeling so that I can bring it up into the Light and empty it out as well.

There is a beautiful spiritual saying that goes something like  'the vessel must be empty to be filled'... I am finally getting a deep understanding of what that means!

There is actually only one word right now that does carry greater meaning and energy for me and that is LOVE, and there is not a single person or sentient creature on this planet that I do not love to the depth of my being.  I may not want to have someone over for dinner, and certainly won't condone someone's wrong actions, but I do love ALL unconditionally, no matter what, as I would only be hating and hurting the true essence of my Self.

Since I was a child I've never understood how people could hate someone else, or judge someone so harshly for their looks, for the job they did, for being poor, etc. just because they differed from 'society's standards' but now I see so clearly that all those that are judging have little 'ego shopping carts' that are so filled to overflowing with projected meaning that they have no room to see the Truth of 'what is'.

My shopping cart is almost empty Edji, but please reach deep within and grab out anything that is left and hiding in the corners!

In complete devotion and surrender,

J.

Dearest, dearest Edji

Thank you so much for the beautiful, loving and powerful satsang. I just wached it and feel deeply grateful and silent within. But I got intoxicated from the chanting...Oh My Guru come to me, come to me, come to me...Everything around dissolved to a transparent mist and only you remained on the screen - your consciousness, my consciousness, just one. All one.

I love you so much

E.

Thank you for Satsang, Edji! 

It was nice to see you and everyone again.  I honestly could not tell the difference between having Satsang in person, and this evenings' online Satsang. Excellent!

I will see you next week.

Love,

Ryan

Dear Edji,

I found tonight's satsang to be very intense, particularly in the second half.  I found myself engulfed in an immense, swirling void, for lack of a better word, that just kept expanding and pushing to the very limits.  It was all but it was nothing.  There was something beyond that limit and I wanted it.  It was so near, so very near, but yet so far.  I knew very deeply, with all my being, that it was worth striving for and attaining.  It is like a chick hatching from an egg.  Up to that time, it's whole universe, its whole being is within the confines of that egg but it somehow knows that there is so much more beyond.  It doesn't know what, it just knows, and the chick wants it.  It's to make that first crack in the egg and I'm ready to crack the egg.

Thank you so very much.

Much love and gratitude.

A.

MY RESPONSE:

It is great to hear about the experiences many of you have had.  But it is really hard for me to take any credit for it. I was just telling you the truth and you heard it.