Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

SENT TO ME:

I briefly present my(small)self: I'm R., 25 years old, from XXXX. I work part time in order to finish my BA in Psychology and I live with my wife. I started my vichara when I was about 16-17 years, after having been impressed with some esoteric articles on a magazine.

From there everything started; I discovered that those absurd and not communicable "living questions" I had in childhood were actually part of what is called atma-vichara or "Higher reasoning" (in the words of Atmananda Menon). I started reading everything I could: Zen in all its lineages, sufism, taoism, Ramesh Balsekar, Nisargadatta Maharaj, Ranjit Maharaj, Jiddu and UG Krishnamurti, Jean Klein, Kashmir Shaivism, Buddhism in all its forms including Vajrayana and, in particular, Dzogchen, Ramana Maharsi and so on.
I think Advaita Vedanta is what sums up everything. I've never met a living guru. That's one of my biggest delusions.

I had different experiences, I think I experimented what in the Hindu tradition is called Samadhi, but they all were part of the changeable environment.

Now here's the problem: I can grasp everything intellectually but I'm still here.
I know I am pure subjectivity, I've never been divided by mySelf; I know this true state behind here is above time and space and it was witnessing also before my birth. Everything it contains it's superimposed. It's a no-experience always present, just before, under, in and after every thought.

I know that if language wouldn't exist it would remain simply THAT.

Then I stumbled across your site and I found it very potent in pointing me to mySelf.

In this moment I'm trying to think about what I could ask you because I can't even imagine the question that would set me free. There is observation of thougts, sensation of fingers that use keyboard, lights and images. I don't know WHERE am I. But I'm still here.

Maybe my biggest problem is that I desire some wonderful experience to happen, maybe I desire to feel detached from this body (even if I can't see where I am attached to it, it's just swimming in me).

I praise you to kick my ego out of me.

I know it sounds not too traditional but I tried to express a stream of counsciousness in order for you to have a clear picture of me.

Thanks for the time and sorry for my bad english
All the best

R.

MY RESPONSE:


I understand perfectly where you come from, and so do you.

You have seen through the emptiness and impermance of the mind, words, concepts, understanding, the world and yourself.

Now, you ask what to do.

Look inside. 

You already know what you have to do and you are waiting for me to confirm it.

Just stop everything and turn your attention inward towards the non-substance that is you.  No more reading, no more thinking or concepts. You have seen through all that.

Just You, focusing on You until the end and whatever happens.

With full courage forgo support from anywhere. Throw yourself off the cliff into the unknown and just look at yourself, whatever happens, whatever fear or doubts arise.

I will always be here to catch you if you have problems.

Ed