Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

SENT TO ME: (Sometimes I get confused about how gmail works and the order of the emails. So, below some emails may be out of sequence or missing.)

Whenever I put attention on it, it is clear that I am totally beyond perception, beyond every experience, beyond awareness itself: awareness seems as the screen for the perception of the 'world' (the field of perception), but I am totally out of it and different from this screen also; the state of non-separation comes and goes but I am not a state. Space, time, existence itself are illusions. All this too, are only concepts.

But...there is not contentment; there are still attachment and aversion, desires, often I am identified with thoughts and emotions, the sleep is normal (I am not counsciouness in dreams and sleep); in Ramana language I suppose, there are vasanas.

It seems to me very different from Ramana and Robert condition.

What is the aim? and the way? What you suggest? What is your experience of this phase?

With gratitude and affection,

L.

REPLY:

I'd like to know better how you got where you are.

I have a discussion on my blog currently that is somewhat relevant.

There are two things necessary for balance: meditation practice which
energizes conciousness, and prajna, or understanding.

You may need to start all over again in meditation to build dhyan power.

Robert and Ramana were mostly in meditation every moment, resting in
silence. You are distracted by the world, and your ego is not dead.

But, I hope you see that the state you are in is o.k.?

Ed

TO ME:

You are distracted by the world, and your ego is not dead


This is the point! You are right.
Are you saying that ego can die when there is balance between meditation and understanding?


Robert and Ramana were mostly in meditation every moment, resting in silence.


Yes, Thank You! to rest in silence for me seems the key now!


But, I hope you see that the state you are in is o.k.?


I am not in a state: precisely sometime I'm identified with waking state, during night in dream and sleep states, sometime with non-dual state (all is awareness) and sometime I remember I am not any of these states, I am not an experience, a state, etc., all these appear as illusions or films or dreams.
But there is not stability in any state nor beyond!


I am OK!


The only problem seems 'my' identification with these states and the following suffering.


My deepest wish to end this apparent game of identifications...


There are two things necessary for balance: meditation practice which
energizes conciousness, and prajna, or understanding.

It seems you are saying that in my case understanding is better than meditation power: so the medicine is rest in silence!


I'd like to know how you got where you are.


Shortly:


In this mirage i am XX, with a wife and a daughter of Y: i teach math in high school in ZZZ.


In 1983 i practice Vipassana (at sixsteen zazen for a while) and after that several types of meditation: kriya yoga, yoga of Sri Aurobindo, awakening of Kundalini power (shaktipat from several masters in particular Anandi Ma). In 1999 I attended my first retreat of Intensive of Illumination where I had my first brief kensho about 'Who I am' and then many others experience of non-duality.


In the last 7 years I practiced mostly surrender to kundalini power and studying Dzogchen and experiencing rigpa (non-dual awareness).
I didn't understand what you have written in your site about 'beyond non-dual awareness' until i had the experience i described to you and you answered so:


This is perfect understanding.

Now, however, you have to make it your own by continuing to be self
reflective. That is, now the inner/outter distinction is lost and you
must maintain that by resting in the totality of unified
consciousness.  Then, that you are beyond even this becomes completely
owned by you.

Very good work!!

Ed


MY REPLY:

Precisely, you are not any of these states. Not the waking, sleep or
dream states. Not the non-dual state. You are beyond all states.

The ego will die when it does. It is not possible to do something to
make to die except observe and remain in silence.

Are you able to isolate a feeling of 'I Am'?  If so, merely ret and
observe I am, and everything will unfold by itself. I am attaching the
Nisargadatta Gita, if I have not sent it before. Read it every
morning. Download it. Put it in a 3 ring binder. It will help. Dearest Ed,

L. TO ME:


"Precisely, you are not any of these states. Not the waking, sleep or dream states. Not the non-dual state. You are beyond all states."

Yes, it is clear. All the states are different modes to experience the field of perception, but I am totally out from this field and all the states in it, or of it. The field of perception (=the universe) is like a small leaf floating in the infinite ocean the Mistery of What I am (and everything is).

"The ego will die when it does. It is not possible to do something to make to die except observe and remain in silence."

Thank You very much! this is what i was hoping to receive: a clear answer about ego-death.

Are you able to isolate a feeling of 'I Am'?  If so, merely ret and observe I am, and everything will unfold by itself.

For me is difficult and seems a burden to search something like this: every thought and feeling dissolve itself putting attention on it, only awareness remain; but if  'I Am' can be interpretated as awareness or silence than yes, i can rest in silence (or awareness).

I am attaching the Nisargadatta Gita, if I have not sent it before. Read it every morning. Download it. Put it in a 3 ring binder. It will help.

Yes, i have Nisargadatta Gita, thank You very much for your gift and for your words which are very inspiring!

with love and gratitude,

L.

MY REPLY:

Yes,

I am is awareness or silence.

No more is to be done than rest there.

Ed