Self-Knowledge and Self-Realization

There is something utterly transforming of me and Kerima as a result of Charley’s struggle to remain alive with terminal cancer.  Charley has essentially been starving to death over the past 6 weeks or so due to a large, inoperable tumor in his head that has cost him his left eye, and increasingly his sense of smell.

All three of us are locked in this struggle together, trying to determine when to take him to the vet to die.

We have made seven appointments over the past 4 weeks and cancelled them all because Charley will not allow it.  He is alert, very loving, very affectionate and stays close to us every moment.  We are bonded on a much deeper level now.  It is no longer two humans and a cat; it is about three sentient beings that share a common goal of either curing Charley or knowing when to end his suffering.

We are so close now.  Charley watches both of us whatever move we make, just as we watch him, and attend to his needs.  It is so very humbling.  One day to be thinking about helping all life through spiritual teachings, helping many others through their re-acquaintance with emotions and the Self, then to narrow down to saving one small life—one very precious life.

All other desires have left.  Kerima and I are Charley’s caretakers, mother and father.  I no longer care whether these new teachings of transcendental AND incarnational spirituality through love and loving exploration of the I Am ever catch on.  All three of us focus on one being, one life.

This does not mean I care for my students less.  In fact, I care more, because I have learned to bond with a deeper part of myself.  I am not so much interested in all the Subtle Body energies or alternative realities for the sake of exploration, but only if they can help me help others.  What is the use of the firey energies and Kundalini movements if only for my own pleasure and bliss?  What good are all of these personal extraordinary sensual and ecstatic experiences unless they can be used to help others?