A Question About Ego

Dear Sri Edji,    I have been reading your book which directed me to Langford's book. You both kicked my butt.

Is the following true?

Basically everything I do is to avoid loving and feeling the 'I AM'. Thus saying that most everything I do, think and say is the Ego.

So the Ego takes over when I:

Turn on the computer

Post on the computer

Turn on the TV

Engage in Spiritual Discussion

Think about sex

Engage in sex

Read the newspaper

Just 99 percent of my activities, thoughts and actions are just pure EGO.

This is such a alarming awakening.    I Really want Self Realization as much as I want to breathe. I Want Nothing Else.   I spend up to 10-15 hours a day in meditation and waste the rest doing and thinking.

Nisargadatta said the spent the whole day thinking of the 'I AM'.   I thought he was just exaggerating but I realized he was telling the truth.

If this makes any sense to you let me know and I am going the way of Nisargadatta and our Lineage.

I Must , Must , Must have Self Realization and Nothing is going to get in the way.

Love you , S.

Ed’s Response:

S., I see you intellectually wandering.  A week ago you asked me abut the truth of Ramanaji.  Now you are reading Langford setting off your mind again.

There is no such thing as ego.  There is nothing in you that that word points too.  You have distractions based on a lifetime of living, but no ego. Habit! Not ego.  There is no entity to fight or kill, just patterns of behavior.

Do not pursue the I Am with the intent of release, awakening, or enlightenment.  Do it because you love the I Am feeling and your own sense of presence, and the energies of your body, otherwise your goal orientation distracts from the raw experience of loving the I-Am. Then the intensity of the love you feel will triumph over all habits and distractions.  Relax.  Go slow, gently, and lovingly into the I Am sense, love, and the blissful energies of Self.